A trip to the laundrette

No one really talk about Merv. At least not in depth.... So who is this Merv who's constantly invading our house, the toilet, Juls comp and Juls' room....

We were all kinda close to him... Err... actually he's closer to Juls... Yes... Please call 1-800-I-am-Juls for more information.

Anyway, Merv is one of our uni mates. That's how we met him. He's quite charming (to Juls) and he knows his way around Juls and well the rest of the housemates... We really don't mind his company because he has a car and he's actually quite fun to hang out with and he also has an interesting character.

He loves to surf. No no not the internet... He loves surfing on the waves of Aus. As long as there is water... you see him changing into his wet suit and jump right for it. He also loves to eat. He can eat three packets of Indo-mee with two telur mata kerbau for supper. And you probably imagine that he's bloke. Nope... he's not even close to that. Not at all! If ya wanna know what a bloke is... call 1-800-Mossies-Treatment courtesy of Mr. Chan. He's also a partner in crime with Mr. Chan. They are both racist and they hate a certain group of people..... No wonder we can all hang out together....

Juls really adore this guy. She will do anything for him. From washing his underwear to polishing his cars. Anytime of the day... as long as Merv wants it.. Juls will do as requested..

Merv: Wei, I'm hungry...
Juls: Ok ok... tom yum fried rice coming...
Merv: Cepat arr!!

Merv: Wei... I got no clothes to wear...
Juls: Here it is... fresh from the dryer

Merv: Wei, my socks stink d...
Juls: I'll wash now...

Merv: Wei, I wanna play diablo...
Juls: Ok... there you go. Please use my comp and my headphones...

Merv: Wei... no more ciggy...
Juls: Ok I go buy.... *10 seconds later* I dunno how to drive manual car wor... Nehmind... can walk to the nearby store...

Merv: Wei.. I wanns see you naked...
Juls: Ok... I'll take off my clothes now. You can draw me also

That's the kinda character Merv possess. But, he's an Ok guy overall.

During his stay with us... yes he stayed with us. He only has two sets of clothes. Because we only see him wear either the white t-shirt or the gree t-shirt. And we often wonder why....

So one night... while watching TV....

Je: Wei... sien la this movie...
#3: Yah lor... but what else is there to do?
Juls: Err... I wanna take my clothes to the laundrette... Lately rain non-stop.. Didn't dry properly. Dear, you take me there can?
Merv: Tomorrow cannot meh? So late d.
Mr. Chan: Aiyah... only past 10 o'clock. The night is still young mar...
#3: We can all hop in your car and bring our own laundry for wash too.
Merv: Like that arr... I'll go home and take my clothes for wash too la...
Je: Err... I got no clothes to wash... I dowan to go la... I'll sleep at home...
Mr. Chan: What la... Together la...
Je: Dowan la... You guys go ahead la... I got nothing to do there sure tidur also... Might as well sleep on my comfy bed.

Off the housemates went except Je. They stop by at Merv's place. Picked up a pile of a a laundry from his place and proceed to the laundrette.

Mr. Chan: Eh... the one near our place close d la... Aiseh
Merv: Nevermind... we can go to the one near Carousel.
Juls: Whatever... you are driving
Merv: And you are washing my clothes....
Juls: Tell me something new...
Merv: I'm driving to McD and you are buying food...
Mr. Chan: Tell us something new...
Merv: You guys will have to wait for me to finish washing and drying my clothes...
#3: Err... We kinda expect it... We go in your car mar...
Mr. Chan: Yah la! Big deal!

But little did the housemates know..... Merv's pile of clothes were not just a week long pile....

At the laundrette...

Mr. Chan and #3 took their clothes into the shop and worked the machine...

From outside...

Merv: Could you guys give me a hand?
Mr. Chan: Pussy! Can't even carry that small pile of........... Wah lan!! What is this? You took your curtain for wash also arr?!
Merv: Hehehe... Those are my clothes la.
Mr. Chan: How long you never wash la? Eh... this one looks like Steph's underwear la...
#3: How you know it's Steph's underwear??
Juls: Hmm... I think easily 6 months..
Merv: No la... let me see.... since I came back... Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar...... Eh got la... More than six months... hehehe...
#3: Gosh Merv! And why have you been keeping them for? To provide a place for Juls pets in her luggage bag is it? And how you know it's Steph's underwear, Dear?
Merv: Hehehe... I always stay at your place mar... So I only change the few clothes that I have over at your place...
Mr. Chan: And that's the white and the green t-shirt la... Now we know why you never change into any other clothes....
#3: Why no one answer my question?? Dear! How you know it's Steph underwear..
Mr. Chan: I can smell....
#3: What?
Mr. Chan: I mean... so big and lacy mar... Can't be Merv's right? Plus Steph lives in the same house as Merv... And Steph shares undies with Juls.... and *sniffffffff*
#3: Stop sniffing it! So gross!!
Mr. Chan: I think I can fit also la... So big.... Let me try...
#3: Dear... stop it... you can wear mine if you want....
Mr. Chan: Your one not as nice as Juls also...
#3: What did you say?
Mr. Chan: Nothing... lets go in...

So they started to occupy the washing machine. All ten of them were used for Merv's clothes while the rest waited patiently for the washing machine to stop washing before proceeding to occupying another ten dryers for Merv's clothes. Some of the clothes could not fit will have to wait til the first load finishes. Mr. Chan and #3 long finished their pile of clothes and Juls on the other hand has already folded her sets of clothes.

Mr. Chan: Wei... next time you wanna come to the laundrette... aint coming with you anymore..
Merv: Eh.. I warned you what earlier... I said you guys will have to wait for me to finish washing the clothes....
Mr. Chan: Ka na sai! How we know la dei? Wei coke finish la... Wanna grab some other stuff to eat?
Juls: Err... can... Dear, wanna go buy food?
Merv: Then my clothes how?
#3: We'll come back for it later la...
Merv: No... you and Mr. Chan wait here... me and Juls go grab food...
Mr. Chan: Wei... later kena rape by abors how?
Merv: Call Super-merv to the rescue....

Merv and Juls took off and came back half an hour later... finding Mr. Chan sleeping on the washing machine....

Merv: Food's here...

Mr. Chan jumped right from his position and yelled...

Mr. Chan: Late for class!!!
#3: Eh... sshh.. we'll still at the laundrette ok...
Mr. Chan: What time is it now?
Merv: Only past 2am. Still early mar... Eat first la
Mr. Chan: Ka na sai!

Finally, at 3.30am...

Merv: Finish d...
Mr. Chan: Yay! Can go home d... I miss my bed la...
#3: Je is smart la... choose to stay at home... Some more she got no clothes to wash... If she comes... confirm make noise wan...
Mr. Chan: Yah! Je the wise one.... No wonder we call her mom....

I'm housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and... each other

Knock Knock...Who's there??

"hello...this is Joe.."

Who's Joe? ..Exactly..who's Joe?..

"i found this necklace at the bottom of the ocean after my ex (the old lady) dump it into the ocean...Luv - Joe" (Refer to "Winter's out..Summer's In)...again..Who's Joe??...goddammit...!!..Enuff already...tell me who the fuck is Joe!!

Alright..alright...actually..i dunno much about Joe .. i mean..i was not close to him but he was close to us...well..we know Joe better with "Just another Julie's fling"

....
....
hmm..
....

Anyway..Joe is one of Je's and Juls and #3's church member..i dunno his full name..or did he ever mentioned his full name before??..i dun even know his surname...anyway...not that i'm very close to him to know his surname...he comes around our house once awhile to visit or to pick someone up (hmmm....i wonder who..)..or sometimes he come over for church meeting / activities..

Joe's a chinese but has been in Aust for a very long time now...so i think he's an aussie already...PR or citizen??..i dunno...if ya wanna know..pls dial 1-800-I-am-Julie for more info...

Alright now..here are some brief description of how Joe looks like (in case u wonder)..He's tall..normal looking guy...side parted hair style...wears nothing but Polo T...i've never seen him wear a short pants or a bermuda before...always on his jeans or slacks..with his shirt tucked in to the height of his chest...speaks in heavy aussie accent..(maybe due to the number of years he has been in Aust.)...sometimes i dunno what the hell he's talking about??..

Joe: Manson...anjsfnhinkfj2nhi3jn 83uho difhbv kh382 ihfo8wu??
Me: .......
Me: HAHAHAA..yea yea...that was funny isn't it..man i love it..
Joe: ...???...
Joe: i said..djhvdijhiwclunh 384y28y 8rhfahxcb afgb jshfu828!$^?
Me: yea yea..that's right..yea...hmmmm...yea...
Joe: .......

sometimes he try to talk like us with those "lar" "lor" "ar" "sah" pah" "far" "nah" "kan na sai" but fail..but we know he's just trying to be nice..

He's very quite...He's very soft spoken...speak in a gentle voice..he's very polite (at least i have never heard a single "fuck" out of his mouth)..ok..now..combine a guy who speaks softly with a gentle voice and politely like...damm fucking formal..what do u get??..a weirdo...kinda creepy and freaks u out sometimes..makes u uncomfortable and uncivilize

i have met ppl like this before..they speak politely..bla bla bla..all these formal shit...but once u get to know them...their true colors reveal.."Oi...Kan ni Nae..yam cha never call me..u wan me to rape u izzit??..i'll fuck ure ass so hard that u'll beg me to take a blowjob instead.."...yea...

but for Joe...even if u know him for years...he'll still talk the same...a complete gentlement..don't you think?..Now imagine mixing Joe with Kan Na Sai Carol (Refer to The "Company" and The "Noise" Part II)..what do u get..??..an ear bleeding Joe...

Carol: kan na sai joe i tell u arr..that day ar...i try to leap over this drain hor..then arr...the next thing i know ar...i was in the drain hor...kan na sai...si beh tu lan u know..??
Joe: oh really...my god..that was horrible...are you alright now Carol?
Carol: ..aiyahh..small matter lar...i got so much meat...can tahan one..
Joe: i'm glad to hear that..
Carol: but arr...i tell u arr..that's not the worse part u know...when i try to lift myself up arr...kan na sai...i step onto some dog shit ok??..damm stink..
Joe: hahaha...that's terrible..
Carol: and then arr....(and it goes for 54 min and 42 sec.)
Joe: *ear bleeding...*
Carol: *continue for another 40 mins*
Joe: *looking pale..and not wanting to be rude...keeps nodding his head to every comment from carol..*
Carol: *continue for another 15 mins*
Joe: * fainted and admitted to hospital that night due to excessive blood lost from his ear.*
Carol: * still continuing her drama in the hospital next to Joe*
Joe: .....coma.....
Carol: Joe??...Joe??...eh kan nar sai..u listening or not??...why so rude wann..ppl talk u sleep..!!

i remember the first time i met Joe...the way he introduce himself was so formal..

Joe: hello Manson...my name is Joe..Nice to meet you..
Manson: *..wahh...so formal one ar??...* Hi Joe..nice to meet you too..

U know...for ppl like us...how do we meet and shake hands?...i would say very casual..

Manson: Hey..how are u..i'm Manson
Somebody: hi..i'm bla bla bla..

end of story..

If there's a group of ppl..Joe would be introducing himself and shake hands with each and everyone...unlike the normal stuff of "Hey guys..i'm manson".."hey..i'm bla bla bla.." and same goes with the other by introducing their name and just wave their hands...but for Joe...

"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
.....i think u get the picture.....

ok now so what has Joe gotta do with Julie? and what's with the footnote??..

Now of all of us...Joe seems to be very close to Juls...he talk to Juls alot and most of the time did not take his eyes off Juls..(we know juls..we have been monitoring Joe)..so we thought that Joe likes Juls...we dunno how true it is...we have to ask Joe one day but it really looks like it.....sometimes Joe would call Juls just to have a casual chat or just to check what she's doing and does she need any help on it?

*tuuut..tuuut..*
Juls: yelloowww..
Joe: Hello Julis...this is Joe..how are you today on this lovely evening..(heavy aust accent)
Juls: * what??...* hi joe..yea...i'm fine..wassup...
Joe: the sky is up..ha ha ha..(heavy aust accent)
Juls: .....
Joe: now actually i call just to have a casual chat with you if you don't mind..(heavy aust accent)
Juls: ....
Juls: actually i'm kinda busy right now Joe...i'm plucking my arm pit hair...
Joe: *..sniiiiiifffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.........*
Juls: ??..what's that sound??..
Joe: ..oh nothing..would u like me to help you out with that?....(heavy aust accent)
Juls: ...* faking an operator's voice" the number you have dial is out of reach..pls..
Je: *in the background..* Juls...where is the shaver??..my bulu kaki is as long as Mr Chan's one already man...
Juls: EH WAIT AR..SHUDDUP FIRST...pls try again later or pls leave a message after the tone..BEEEPPP..
Joe: oh...that's funny??....(heavy aust accent)..*recoding his voice msg..* hi Julie..sorry..the reason i call actually is to ask you whether would u like to join me for a dinner at King's Park tomorrow night...i'll call you again...thanks bye..
Juls: OK bah bye..
Joe: ...?????...wow..the automated computer recognise "bye" ??

So Juls freak out and at the same time feeling excited because
1. Juls dun really like Joe because he freaks her out
2. Juls have not been to the hill top restaurant in King's Park before..

so she was running around the house asking us whether should she go or not..and we said well..its just dinner and most importantly..its FREE..hahahhaha..

but Juls was reluctant to go for the dinner and yet was choosing her dress already...

eventually..she went on the date with Joe...

it was a romantic candle light dinner with a violinist playing over and over again to "my heart will go on - by celine dion - One of Juls many favourite - standing beside their table...as usual..being the formal Joe...dress in his best suit..( like one of those Lampe Berger motherfuckers...but Joe ain't a member...at least during that time..)..
they ordered the finest wine and steaks..the food's good..the wine's excellent..some casualconversation...mostly of Joe asking about Jul's stuff and life..like...how's study?..how are you housemates treating u?...who's Merv??..what does he look like...??...what does he like?...did he have a girf friend??..surprisingly...many of those questions are about Merv..well..maybe Joe knows that Merv is very close with Juls so just wanna get more info who he is competing with...

Joe: I have a gift for you Julie..a thank you gift for joining me in this dinner
Juls: really??..nah..i cannot take this Joe..its nothing really..i'm just here for the free food..*munch munch munch...sllluurrppppppsssssss...*
Joe: ...
Joe: pls..i insist..* Joe open the box to show Julie the gift...*
Juls: * stop munching..*..ohhh..its beautiful..but wait a minute..isn't this...
Joe: Yes it is..
Juls: but i tot the old lady drop it in the ocean in the end...
Joe: i went down and got it...
Juls: awwwww..u shouldn't have Joe...
Joe: ....
Juls: but i'll take it anyway....nice eh??..

and so the dinner carry on with more wines and some slow dance...

*tuut tuuut*

Juls: Yellow..*hick..*..
Mr Chan: eh juls ar...hows ure dinner...?
Juls: THE SHIP IS SINKING...HELPP..JOE..HELP ME..
Mr Chan: ......
Mr Chan: are u drunk...?..anyway...the rest of us is going Mc Dong Dong ok?..u got keys right??
Juls: tu tu tuuuuuu...tu tu tuuuu..tuuuuuuuuu..*humming to the titanic theme..*
Mr Chan: ......
Mr Chan: Come to McDs if u got no key...byeee....

Mr Chan: ..*after putting down the phone...turn to Je*..i think they are role playing Jack and Rose..
Je: ......

getting late now and time to go home and so Joe fetch Juls home...while at the porch..still inside the car...

Juls: thanks for dinner Joe..it was wonderful..and its Free..yay...and thanks for the lovely necklace..you shouldn't have..really..
Joe: its nothing Julie..don't worry about it and thank you for coming to dinner with me...i am sorry but can i use ur toilet?
Juls: sure..c'mon in...
Joe: *rush to the toilet and do his thing...*..a sigh of relief...and as Joe walking towards the door to go home...
Juls: Joe..*walks out of her room .. strap herself only with a shower towel..
Joe: ...*gulp...*...yes Julie..?
Juls: I want you to draw a potrait of me wearing this *showing the necklace..*
Joe: *gulp...*
Juls: wearing only this *..fllllaaappppppbbbtt.. - tower drops on the floor..*

*background music - do do doooooo...do do doooo do do doooooooooo..*titanic theme..*

after that..we do not know what happen after the "art" class...and that's the story behind the self portrait of Juls - naked - with a footnote "i found this necklace at the bottom of the ocean after my ex (the old lady) dump it into the ocean...Luv - Joe"...actually...during my room invasion..i miss the part where i actually took the potrait and make a copy of it...i'll post it here once i get my new scanner...

when i examine the potrait again...i found a small little additional note too..

"P.S. I'm lovin it.."

i tought to myself...P.S...a postscript...why??..I'm lovin it.. what does that means...(Note: this has nothing to do with McD's tag line "I'm lovin it" because that wasn't McD's tagline yet..)

until today...i finally know what the postscript means...P.S itself does not stands for "Postscript"...but what other meaning does it hold..?...

inspired by the Da Vinci Code - Thanks Juls for borrowing me the book - alittle bit of info - at the place where the curator got murdered...he wrote down a note beside himself which reads "P.S: Find Robert Langdon" and that P.S actually a initial of the victim's grand-daughter name Sophie...ok..so the letter "S" stands for Sophie...what about "P"..well...Sophie has a nick name when she was young...her grandfather call her princess...and so.."P" means Princess...and now we have "Princess Sophie: Find Robert Langdon"

ok now...so what?..P.S: I'm lovin it means Princess Sophie: I'm lovin it??...it doesn't make sense...of coz it does not make any sense...i said inspired...so the P.S from Joe's note actually stands for "Pussy Shaved: i'm lovin it"

but how do you know it stands for "Pussy Shaved"?

maybe next time i''ll let you know...

ba dab dab ba daaaaaa....i'm lovin it..*Mcd's theme...*

Till next blog..

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

The Washing Machine is alive!!!

It was a hot summer morning. The housemates were dying of the heat and no one wanna do anything...

Juls: Eh.. darn hot la... I think I'm gonna go out la... Let me call my mate whom I always share my panties with...
Mr. Chan: Eh eh... tak ajak
Je: Do you share her panties?
Mr. Chan: *mumbles* Got lor... you guys dunno only mar...
#3: What is that dear?
Mr. Chan: Nothing la! What can we do today? So hot!!
#3: I wanna put the clother to wash la... anybody interested?
Je: .....
Juls: *on the phone with fei poh Steph*

#3 proceeds to putting all the clothes into the washing machine. *kra kra kra... krang... sshhhhhhh..... krong krong krong* The sound of the washing machine can be heard from the hall..

Mr. Chan: Eh, wanna grab a beer or something?
#3: I dun drink beer.. I'll just sit here and play mommy with baby-p and baby-h... Oh on the way home... grab three ice-cream yah...
Mr. Chan: Kanasai!! Je, lets go...
Je: Err... darn hot la wei... want me to walk to the neighbour's house also I feel like dying..
Juls: Eh, guys, I going out with Steph. She'll be comnig by shortly... I'll help her with her grocery shopping.. You guys want anything?
Mr. Chan: Beer pls!
Je: Also, ice-cream for the freaks... I mean erm... whatever...

Juls went into her room to change....

Juls: Yikes!!
Je: Whats the matter?
Juls: You come here for a while can arr Je?
Je: *At her room* Why arr?
Juls: See this? *showing her panties*
Je: Yeah?
Juls: Got stains arr... and *sniffffffff* smells funny too... You smell..
Je: Whoa! Ain't smelling your undies... But it does look bigger than your other undies though...
Juls: Dunno la... I feel like someone has been messing with my things...
Je: Maybe Merv leh?
Juls: ......

Outside, Mr. Chan overheard our conversation giggled to himself....

#3: Dear, what's so funny?
Mr. Chan: Huh? Err... No la... nothing
Je: So what are we gonna do today? *Opening the fridge to cool herself from the heat*
Mr. Chan: I know... Since it's so hot... why don't take out all out winter clothes, wear as thick as possible and then bbq under the hot sun?
Je: Right!
Mr. Chan: It's freaking hot and we got nothing to do...

All of a sudden....

Juls: Arrgghhh!!! Help! The Washing Machine is ALIVE!!!

The rest of the housemates rushed to her and before Juls could say anything else....

Mr. Chan: OH MY GOSH!!!
#3: Fuckanathan!! *Ran to the pantry.....*
Je: Oh no!
Juls: Don't tell me she forgot to insert into the hole....

At the pantry.....

Je: Gosh! It's really hot la today.... some more go find things for us to do... how can....
#3: I was sure I put it in the hole...
Mr. Chan: So careless wan... Now have to clean up the mess....

Rewind.....

#3 placed the clothes into the washing machine.... placed the washing detergent into the washing machine with the clothes... Turn on the washing machine but FORGOT to put the pipe into the hole so that when the machine start to rinse... the water will flow into the hole instead of spraying water all over the floor.... and onto the carpet and into Juls' room.....

Juls: Looks like need a lot of cleaning up to do now....
Je: Yeah... Juls, go get towel from the kitchen... the rest bring out all the fans, heater, hair-dryer and even iron...
Mr. Chan: Iron?
Je: Yeah... you'll be ironing the floor and we'll dry and press the water out with the towels...
Mr. Chan: Why me? Erm... ironing the carpet wor..
Je: Yeah... and while you are at it... pls don't burn the carpet...
Mr. Chan: Aiseh... I'll look like an idiot la ironing the carpet....
Juls: You are already a clown.. so.....

Everyone proceed to doing their part to dry the carpet and clean the pantry floor..

*honk honk...*

Juls: Would love to stay and help... but me best friend is here... Err... see you guys later!!
Mr. Chan: Eh! blardy!!!

Juls left.... And the rest were seen working hard to dry the carpet... what's more, the land-lady is scheduled to come by that afternoon.....

2 hours later.... Juls came home.....

Juls: Still cleaning up arr.... I'll be going out again arr.... Need to help Steph with something...
Je: What??
Mr. Chan: Eh... why don't you help us first before you help her? Or better still... ask her to help us also la!! The more the merrier...
Juls: Whatever.... bye!!

And so the rest of the housemates spent the whole afternoon cleaning the carpet.... Finally they found something to do....

I'm housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and... each other

Winter's Out..Summer's In

Summer's here. The holidays are on..but what's there to do .. ??

unfortunately, my fellow housemates took up summer class - to finish off their semester earlier...so there's no summer breakie for them..but its all good...their classes are usually flexible..they come home real quick..sometimes..

woke up in tha morning...Rise and Shine...sweating like a pig...clad only with my boxer, walk towards the toilet to pee..

*krrrrooonnngggsssssshh.....*

#3: morning dear..*carrying plates and her mug out of the toilet..

goddammit that women had her breakfast in the toilet again..what the hell is wrong with her..?
how am i gonna use the toilet now as it smell like fried poop with bacon and a glass of urine with a slice of lemon on it...tropical!!..

i could not care less...hold my breath..do my thing and outtie..

walk towards the kitchen, noticing Juls and Je still in the house, make a quick 3 point turn and head back into the room to put on something more proper..

hey..i can't be walking around the house with girls around only with my boxer - only boxer and nothing else...

Juls: *looking confuse..* eh eh..what's wrong with Mr Chan.why so blur wan..??...why suddently he turn around ar???..i did not wear my bra meh??...oh shit...it must be my pointy nipples..
Je: *smack juls in the head...* pls lar...mine is more pointy ok?...maybe he go back to sleep..its holiday for him anyway..
#3: *combing baby h and baby p's hair while humming some lullabye..*

neighbour: *passing by our house...* KEEP THAT IN THE CIRCUS..!!

Merve: *observing #3's behaviour while waiting for his turn to get his hair combed*..errr..can i have my comb back?..
#3: hmmmm....hmmmmm..hmmh...hmmm...
Merve: ......

Put on a short pants and a t-shirt and walks out from the room and head to the fridge...

Je: ....
Me: eh Je...can u pass me the bottle of cold water?
Je: *standing in front of the open fridge..consuming the cold air from the fridge while handing over the bottle..*
Me: thanks..hot day today eh?..
Je: tell me about it..

there was a record in perth where the temperature rise up to 40 degrees - Source - the newsagency uncle told me when i was in his store buying my ciggy and whinning about the heat..i dunno how true it is but 40 fucking degrees..you can pratically cook an egg on the floor...

dogs will die with this heat...cats will die...crows will die *yay..*
kangaroos will invade David Jones...koalas will start stealing air-conditioner..wombat will start flying...humans will sprawl on the floor and eventually cook themselves...

the whole city is like a motherfucking oven..and we - humans - are cakes..!!!

but thank god it did not happen when i was there..
the thing about summer is that, we cannot stay in the house for long as our house is fully carpeted, there's no air-conditioner, and we only have like one floor fan which will be shared by 4 -5 of us...basically..the house is catered for winter, spring and autumn...but when summer strike...sometimes the heat is unbearable..

so...life still goes on even if its summer and off goes #3, Juls and Je to Uni..

left alone in tha house...can't stand the heat...change back to my boxer shorts and as usual topless...

cook my breakie...indomee..
make myself a cup of ice cold tea (courtesy of Juls)..
turn on the TV...hey...Jerry Springer...* Jerry...Jerry...Jerry...Jerry...* watching one of my many fav. show while lying on the floor like Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man - Da Vinci Code?..indeed...

time for a smoke...a ciggy after a meal is a must...i dunno why...all smokers do the same...

again..clad with only my Homer Simpson boxer...topless...exposing my pink nipple that Juls always fantasize about...put on my oakley eye-jacket as the glare of sunlight was too much for my eye to take...had not brush my teeth or comb my hair or shave ... put on Juls slipper...light up the ciggy and puff away...

as usual, as i was puffing..here comes the neighbour...with the ciggy dangling on my mouth...my left arm was in my boxer scratching my buttocks..while my right arm was holding my Homer Simpson mug filled with ice tea...

nod my head to the neighbour with a grin...

Me : wassuupp...!...hot day today eh??
neighbour: yea...hey...i like ur pants...what's inside there ur hiding or holding?
Me: oh this one??..yea...its cool eh??...ohh...i'm just scratching my ass...here..wanna smell??
neighbour: ...mmmmmm...nice..
Me: ..O....K....ciau..!!

No...that's not what really happens...i do not have freak neighbours...the only freak in the neighbourhood is already in my house..

but yea..sometimes i do dress like what i've said - minus off the boxer and the sunglasses - with a proper short pants and yes...topless is true...its summer..

During the summer season, insects and worse of all - flies - tend to come out and play..not just one or two...millions of them...wondering around ur food, ur head..ure eyes...its fucking anonying and irritating..especially when ure eating ... these fucking flies will hover on top of ur food and worse of all..they dun really give a shit if u hit them or not.

Ask Juls for more information on flies...they love her...must be the perfume that she wears..

Well..finish ciggy, housemates not around, nothing on TV...what's there to do?...nothing..and i dun wanna go to the city alone..kinda dumb don't you think?

All i can do i just play "the vitruvian man" again, stare at the ceiling...maybe i'm gonna raid my housemate's room.

Room No. 1 - Jelita's Room
big..spacious..with bathroom attached...Je got the biggest room of all 3 - the master bedroom..very neat..going through her drawers...nothing to shout about..the same old stuffs like panties...bras...some cannabis...a bong..a beer bong..wow..liverpool bra...( that's how i get to know about this limited edition bra of hers - Refer to "The Company and The Noise")..winnie the pooh PJs...hey..let me try these on...cool...some cosmetic...let me put these on too...

ok..nothing much..same old stuff...proceed to another room..

Room No. 2 - Jul's Room
small..tiny...Juls got the smallest of all 3..quite neat..alot of decoration on the wall...thumbnail size pictures...some of those are naked pictures of herself...a self potrait - naked - with a small footnote "i found this necklace at the bottom of the ocean after my ex (the old lady) dump it into the ocean...Luv - Joe" - Who's Joe??...in the drawer there's some used condoms being dried up, some contraseptic pills (Refer to "Birthday Bash!!!")..hey...this looks familiar...GODDAMMIT...this is my favourite underwear...no wonder it was missing..i wonder what Juls do with my underwear...oh well..she take mine...maybe i'll just take of of hers and wear it now....NICE...hey wait...hmm...i wonder what's in this brief case?...

Before i could peek in it...i heard the girls coming back..i can hear Juls shouting.."RUN...the flies are attacking us..RUN..!!!..."

oh shit..i'm still wearing Je's Winnie the Pooh PJs and Juls lacey underwear on the outside and what's worse...the make up is still on my face....fuck...what am i gonna do...

To be Continue...

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Chilli Mussels..??..Anyone..??

Yummmmyyy....

Mussel: A mussel is a bivalve mollusc that can be found in lakes, rivers, creeks, intertidal areas, and throughout the ocean. The saltwater mussels (family Mytilidae) and freshwater mussels (family Unionidae) are not thought to be closely related and are grouped in different subclasses, despite considerable similarities in appearance

yea...thought so...don't you just love GOOGLE??

Conca's serves the best chili mussels in the whole perth...
actually..i dunno...
conca's is the only place i have been for mussels..ehehe...well...there's some other places of course but i cannot remember the name of those restaurants. But anyway..Conca's Chilli Mussels Rulezzz...!..

This cafe is located approximately 2 KM from Normat St. ( the place we stay)...no..i'm just kidding...i dunno how far it is..but its near enough for us to get there by foot.

I don't take chili or anything spicy..ermm..ok..i cannot take spicy food..( yea yea..call it what you want pussy...wussy...fag...drag...i don't give a shit..at least i'm man enought to tell and admit it..)

But why chili mussels in conca's then since you cannot take spicy food?

well..surprisingly..the chili mussels in concas its not spicy at all...well..yea..its looks red as if some 5 kilos of chilis been in there but once u taste it...hmm....not spicy..wow..magic..

actually its the way they cook it..

we usually crave for chili mussels at a cold night..or sometimes when we are out at conca's for coffee...we will simply order a small portion of chili mussels...just to have something to bite...and the price is reasonable....YAY...!!

on a cold winter night..

Juls: *watching TV..*
Je: *watching TV..*
Me: *watching TV..*
#3: *strolling in cirle in the kitchen with baby-h & baby-p..*
David Thamb: * watching TV..* - wait...this is not right...ohh sorry...it was Merv..

Merv: *watching #3 strolling in circle..*
neighbour: FREAK..!!!!!...

Je: *got frighten and pissed in her pants..*..eh..who said that??...scared me only..oh darn it..i wet my pants again...
Juls: aiyahh...its just the neighbour lar...must have saw #3 strolling around again lar...eh eh..quickly go change ur panty and pants lar...ur piss is soaking the sofa lar..
Me: .......

Yup...among all of us...Jelita is the one that can be easily scared...second comes Juls..

minutes later..

Je: eh eh..how about we go Conca's for some hot tea and some really hot chili mussels?
Juls: eh eh..can also...i love the lipton tea there being made by that fat fella who sweats not stop..
Me: Juls...ain't it the same..?
Juls: Mr Chan..no...somehow it taste different...sometimes sour sour wan..but very nice..
Je & Me: ....

Juls: dear...we are going conca's...i'm taking ur car keys if ure not coming..
Merv: ......My name is Baby-M......its not dear or Merv..its baby M!!...

Je & Me: .....

Juls: ok ok..come come...baby-m..come...mommy bring u go "kai kai" ok??..(Kai kai = going for an outing)
Merv: yay!!

Me: let's get a cab...
Je: TAAAXXXXIIIII..!!!!!

At Conca's.. = a dodgy looking cafe which looks..well..dodgy.
Really, my first impression of this place would is like...man...how is this cafe gonna survive??...look at it...there's no one in there'..except 3 fat uncle - unidentified race - playing poker...a lady sittin' by the counter...ppl actually go in there to eat?..

by looking at the place...i don't even wanna know how they make those pizzas..

but seriously...good food..just don't go to the back and look how they cook the food...

lady: what do you wan...!!??
Juls: *gulp...*..can i have tea pls...for 2...
Je: *eekkk...darn it...i hate it when ppl raise their voice all of a sudden...scared the crap out of me and now i have to change my diapers...luckily i brought extras..* can i have a glass of warm milk..
Me: can i have a hot chocolate..and chili mussels...for 4
Merv: yeah..i'll have hot chocolate too

lady: ....and then..??
Merv: that's all..thanks
lady: ....and then..??
Merv: only the hot chocolate..same as him..*pointing to Me*
lady: ....and then..??
Merv: look lady...don't get all "dude, where's my car" on me a'ight?
lady:...darn it...24.50 pls..

We usually will occupy a table outside where we can smoke and feel the cool breeze while sipping our drinks and have our normal conversation...as usual..talk cock..sing song..

Juls: *sluuuuurrrrrrppppp.....* ahhh.....REFILL!!!..

Yea...you can actually refill for your tea. well..they just add hot water for you...no big deal..

Je, as usual..will be sipping on her warm camel milk..

me and merve?...ciggy and hot choco..

#3...still strolling in the living room..
neighbour: *coming back from his outting..*...FREAKK!!!!*

#3: no no...baby H..baby P..he is not saying u..u are not freak ok??..dun listen to him...he is refering to mommy only...
neighbour: .....

back at concas..finally..the long awaited chili mussels...is here..!! During the arrival of the mussels, all of us are hungry already. You get hungry real fast in winter and u eat alot to keep the fire burning inside our "engine"..so...within minutes..there's nothing left but mussels shells...

and the bowl of mussels usually comes with a loaf of garlic bread..and as usual..we will dip the the garlic bread into the mussels sauce and pops it right into our mouth...hmm.....( darn it...rumbly in my tumbly de )

well..for some of us have special or rather unusual way of consuming the garlic bread..

Me: normal, dip into the mussel sauce..
Juls: dip it into her tea...OK..its weird..and i dun even wanna know how does it taste like but according to Juls, it taste like durian...ok...something is not right here

Je: likes it soak up with milk...man..it looks like ... i looks like...well..i'll leave it to your imagination..
Merv: likes it with his hot chocolate...well..looks like diarrhea to me...don't even think about putting it into my mouth..

tell you more on how i scared the crap out of juls and je on my next blog..hahaha...

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Hole at the bottom

What now you must be wondering. No no it's not that our house has a hole at the bottom.. Read on and the title will explain itself.

On a normal winter night, housemates were gathering around the dining table playing chor tai ti as usual. Looks like that winter night wasn't exactly Mr. Chan's night as he kept losing to everyone of us including Juls. What a pity.

Mr. Chan: Cit! I lose again?! Blardy... this is not possible!! Need to kau feng shui a bit...
Je: Cut the crap and faster shuffle the cards...
#3: Yah lar! We dun have all night ok...
Juls: Actually we got whole night lor... unless we are going to McDong Dong again later....
Je: Can also... Mr. Chan can take some fresh air after losing to the gals so many many times today...

And so the conversation went on and on except that no one notice that Mr. Chan was stretching and stretching... doing all those errr who knows feng shui moves thinking that it'll help him to win... Suddenly...

*pppprrrraaaaatttttt*

Juls: What's that sound??? Ewww... I think someone farted...
Merv: *From inside the room* Not me mm kay...
Je: Aiyoh... cover the nose first in case....
#3: I don't smell anything la coz my nose block as usual....

All attention was fixed on Mr. Chan as he was quiet after the sound was heard....

Mr. Chan: *Face turned red* Hehehe.... the sound was from me alrite.....
All three: Ewwwww!!!!
Mr. Chan: But but.... I did not fart....
Juls: Right!! Then you explain to us la... Don't tell us your feng shui moves let out that kinda sound...
#3: Dear.... what's wrong?
Je: If you give us some stoopid answer... we'll throw you out of the house...
Mr. Chan: Hehehe.... I was stretching and stretching and stretching and suddenly I realize that I stretch soooo hard that... arr.... now... arr... my pants koyak at the bottom.
Juls: Really meh?? Show show...
Mr. Chan: Juls pls... no free show here ok..... In case you are thinking of getting an orgasm...
#3: Dear, see see.... *Mr. Chan showed* Wah.... that's a big hole down there....
Je: Good la... air can go in.. cooling mar...
Mr. Chan: RIGHT!!!

After the commotion, the housemates continued with their chor tai ti....

Merv: Wei, jom rokok!
Mr. Chan: Mari pegi...
Je: Sien la you...

Outside the house...

Mr. Chan: Wei Je, you are right la... darn cooling.... freezing my balls off la ok!!!
Merv: Hahahahaha!!! I think I also want to dig a hole there la... for easy access also...
Juls: ..........
Je: Ice cream anyone?
#3: Ok!
Mr. Chan: Wei... cannot la... by the time I reach McD I won't feel my balls anymore la wei... sejuk la...
Juls: Always wanna be hero... take off your pants and walk there la...
Mr. Chan: Eh Juls.... don't go and dare me ok...

Well, we all thought that Mr. Chan would have stopped wearing that torn pants... After all it's already quite old and the fact that it's now torn at the bottom... it's quite embarassing when visitors come by and he'll be pulling his pants trying to cover up his balls... and our visitors will think that he's a pervert or something....

As days go by... the hole got bigger until such time his butt started to show... What a sight!!! Other than #3, I do not think anyone of us would actually enjoy that... until one day...

Je: Eh, I can't stand it anymore... Take off your pants now!!
Mr. Chan: Err... why la? Calm down Je... I know you lonely but don't go and ask me to take off my pants la...
Je: Cacat! What lonely? I said take off your pants....
#3: Err... Je? Are you ok? You want me bibi to take off his pants??
Je: Aiseh... *walk to her room and back in minutes* I wanna fix it la ok.... *showing needle and thread*
Mr. Chan: Dear, you fix la for me...
#3: But I do not know how wor...
Mr. Chan: Everyday only know how to comb baby-h and baby-p's fur. Never take care of me also.... Now ask you to do something for me also you dunno... What do you know?
Je: So want or not?
Mr. Chan: Ok ok... let me go change first can or not... don't expect me to just take it off here...
Je: Your butt is showing already.... no difference also..
Juls: Yah lar... might as well take off.... No need to see a bit a bit... see all la!
Merv: Come arr... lets compare...

Mr. Chan ran to the room to change and came back with his torn pants... Je started to sew the part where it's torn... #3 watch closely...

Je: Err... no need to sit so close wan lor...
#3: Hehehe.... you are fixing his pants... so funny... confirm having an affair...
Mr. Chan: Eh! I asked you to fix but you dunno... have to ask my affair partner to do it la!!
Juls: Good thing fcuk buddy not involved...
Merv: What what?? Juls, fix my pants also...
Juls: But your pants not torn there also....
Merv: My boxers got hole in front mar... you can sew it shut...
Juls: Err.... ok lor.... Je, pinjam thread...
Je: Take la... take la...

And so... Mr. Chan's hole at the bottom was fixed and visitors who came by after that did not see him grabbing his erm... there anymore...

Till next time..

I'm housemate no. 2 signin off - Take care of yourself and... each other

Tummy problem

Not another rumbly in my tumbly??

Course not!! This is far worse than just being hungry or having a stomach upset.

The story begins something like this....

#3: Je, I have not shit for three days... Don't know what's wrong
Je: ....
Juls: Maybe you did not digest properly? You don't like to eat vege... that's why la.
#3: Dear, help. I did not shit for three day already...
Mr. Chan: Why? I shit everyday and sometimes few times a day... You want me to give you some of my most pleasurable shitting experience?
#3: *frustrated* Don't want to talk to you. Baby-H and Baby-P lets go and buy some medicine to ease my bowel!

Finally, after she finish all the whole box of medicine, she manage to empty her stomach the very next day. Only, she has to sit on the toilet bowl for hours because.... she finished the whole packet of sendokot that's why. You try and finish a whole pack of laxatives and see what happens.... After that, she was fine for a few days until she cultivate this habit. And I think it's a really bad habit to cultivate...

While all the housemates were having breakfast one day....
Je: Today the bacon extra crispy.
Juls: Err... yeah *gulp* actually half burnt... hehehehe
Mr. Chan: Half burn is good mar. Get rid of the wind from the stomach...

Half way through breakfast...

#3: I think i need to go...
Je: Go la... no one stopping you also...
Juls: Yeah... Just make sure you got the appetite to finish your food after...
#3: I'm gonna finish my food alrite.... I have found a new way and a new place to finish it..
Mr. Chan: What are you talking about?
#3: I'll eat and shit at the same time...
Je: *almost puke on her tea* What?? Are you nuts?
Juls: How can you possibly do that?
#3: I'll just bring it to the toilet and eat and shit. Then while eating, it'll help to push the shit out easier.
Mr. Chan: Dear, pls don't do that. It's disgusting and pls don't embarass me. How can waste and food go together? This is ridiculous...
#3: *Stood up... took her plate of bacon, eggs, sausages into the toilet* See you later guys!!

Je, Juls & Mr. Chan: ....

As the three other housemates are finishing their breakfast, they are constantly bug by the *cling clang* sound from the toilet. Obviously #3 is really enjoying herself in there.

Shit + food = ???

Je: I can't eat anymore. The thought of it is too gross. Sorry Juls. Good breakfast. Wished I could finish them, really..
Juls: No worries... I also cannot eat my food already.
Mr. Chan: Blardy... I also canot eat la. This is too weird la...

*Krroonngggsshhhhh*

#3: It worked. I managed to push my shit out with the food..
Juls: Gross!!
#3: Hey, it worked ok. I think I'm gonna do that more often.
Mr. Chan: Where got logic?!! You think you eat now your food digest now?? Pluuueeaassee!!
#3: But it worked mar...

Minutes later...

Juls: Cannot tahan d... Need to peee.... *rushed to the toilet*
Juls: *From inside the toilet* wah lau!!! All kinds of smell in the toilet... Eww!! I'm gonna puke...

After that incident, #3 is seen carrying her food into the toilet whenever she gets the urge to poo. Sometimes, she'll carry a glass of milk, tea, bread, water or other items that she's eating at that point. The rest of the housemates got used to her new behaviour and said nothing about it after...

That's all folks!

I'm housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and... each other

Winter days & winter nights

People always talk about summer in Australia being hot as hell (which is true… supposing people can even survive hell.. which we 4 stooges did). But so far, I seldom hear people speaking of winter in Australia.

So, I’m gonna do just that. Here’s an account of how winter is like in Perth (with the 4 stooges).

8am

Juls: *shiver shiver shiver* It’s so damn fucking cold..

*nyek nyek nyek* Juls turns on the tap to let the hot water run…

Juls: *OOOooooohhhhh…… AAAaaahhhhh….* Let’s out a sigh of pleasure (from putting her hands under hot running water la ok.. not from sex.. please)

Je: Eh Juls, enuff with the orgasm.. please.. stop hogging the tap.

Juls: Wait… I belum gosok gigi..

Je: Then you stand there “ooohhh aaaahhh ooohhh aahhhh” do what? Bikin anak ar?

Juls: Thawing my fingers…

Je: Hmm.. share la.. what man. Move over!

Juls moves over and prepares to brush her teeth while Je has an orgasm with the hot water.

*chee chaaaa chee chaaa* Juls brushing her teeth.

Juls: Hyjndmf ngjtjdj fghut nvjf?

Je: *OOOhhhhhh.. aaaaahahhhhh.. OOOhhhhh yyyyeeeeeeeeessss…* Huh? What Juls?

Mr. Chan: WAH! Both of you got orgy out here ar? Why never invite? Je.. move over and lemme join in la.. ka na sai ar!

Je moves over, bumping Juls out of the way (lucky finish brushing teeth d..) and letting Mr. Chan in on the hot water fun.

Mr. Chan & Je: OOOOOhhhhh.. yeeessssssaaaaa…. Ooohhhh my god…. Yyyeeesss.. giiive it to me bayyyybbeeee…
#3: Yes dear.. you called me? What do you want me to give you, bibi?

Mr. Chan: Eh… oh.. erm.. no nothing.. I was just erm.. talking to erm.. the water here… the hot water every nice.. yeah.

At that time, Je & Juls will ‘chee tung siew sat’ (own self disappear) to the kitchen to go make breakfast or to take a shower.. not together la pervert.. separate la.

Then, if we have classes we’ll quickly dress up, nice and warm and start moving out of the house.


12pm

While walking to Uni..

Juls: *breathe in - pfffiiitttt* *breathe out - pfiiiitttttt*

Je: Eh, what’s that whistling sound? Juls.. why are u whistling?

Juls: I dave a docked nose… *sniff*

Je: What?

Mr. Chan: She said.. she has a blocked nose…

Juls: Ahuh.. eee’s dright..

Je: ………

We reach the bus stop and we’re waiting for the bus.

#3: Ok Baby-H and Baby-P.. Mummy going to University ok.. Mummy going to get a degree so that Mummy can work and earn lots of money for you to spend on me ok?

And #3 proceeds to place Baby-H and Baby-P on the bus stop bench.

Je: Errrrrrm…. You not scared people come and take your babies away ar?

#3: No ar.. I put a note on each of them saying.. “Please Do Not Remove.. even though you might be sick/old/lame/9 months pregnant/blind/dumb/deaf or simply handicapped in any way. You are not allowed to remove my babies to enable yourself to sit on the bench. Please, don’t be selfish.”

And, so our journey to Uni continues in silence… *pfiitttt* *pffiitttt*


5pm

Je: Eh apa mau makan ini hari?

Juls: Don’t cook la today, everybody makan sendiri la! (meaning Juls craves for Indomee Goreng with telur mata kerbau)

Mr. Chan: Ahhh.. yeah yeah.. #3.. can cook one Nissin noddle for me?

#3: Bibi, I not free, I am combing our children’s hair.. Instead, can you come and help me braid Baby-H’s fur? I want to make cornrolls like David Beckham like that.

Mr. Chan: *grumble grumble grumble* Kan na sai ar.. Always make me do stupid thing like that.. waste time oni.. I hungry also she don’t cook for me.. always care about the babies only.. and the babies aren’t even alive..

#3: What was that you were saying dear?

Mr. Chan: Oh… nothing dear.. I was saying that your eyes are very big.. and pretty.. like the camel in the desert .. eh.. I mean.. like the stars in the sky.

Je & Juls hiding behind the kitchen counter trying to not LAUGH OUT LOUD!


8pm

Je: Hmm… Juls ar… Juls…

Juls: Yeeeeeeeeees?

Je: Juls ar….. you know what I feel like doing?

Juls: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttt?

Je: I feel like doing that “bathtub thing” we did last time..

Juls: Oooooooooooooooh..

Juls: OK..

Je: You wanna fill the tub with hot hot water? And maybe pour some bath salts in?

Juls: Oookkkk… I’m on it.. Hmmm.. why not you bring the chairs in.. the chairs are always so useful when we do the “bathtub thing”.

Je: Ok..

In the bathroom..10 minutes later..

Je & Juls: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOOOSSSSShhhh.. This feels soooooooooooo good!

Je & Juls: Yeeeeessss la.. ooohhhh goodness.. we should do this “bathtub thing” more often.. hor?

Je: Yeah.. yeah… OH yes..

Mr. Chan: *shouting from outside the hall where he is stuck making cornrolls for Babay-H’s fur* OOOIIIIIIII! What you all doing? Oiiii!!

Je & Juls: *totally ignore Mr. Chan*

Juls: Eh… the water not hot anymore la.. enuff la.. afturds the feet become like raisins..

Je: Yeah la.. come let’s get out of here and go get some Mc Dong Dong ice cream.

Juls: Jom..

Juls, gets up to pull out the bathtub plug while Je takes the chairs back out to the dining table.

(What the hell is the “bathtub thing”? Soaking cold feet in a bathtub full of hot water la, what else? Damn pervert la you all! Just like Mr. Chan)

10pm till we all get sleepy

Mr. Chan: Eh, I have a suggestion about what to do since it’s so fucking cold… Let’s go buy 10 ice creams each, we’ll sit outside the garden in our shorts and sleeveless tees and slowly slurp the ice cream while the fan blows at us.. want or not?

Je, Juls & #3: ….

*Ding dong ding dong*

Juls, opens the door..

Merv: Hi dear..

Juls: Hello..

Merv: I need to go to the toilet.. BAD.

Juls: Go la.

Merv runs to the loo and proceeds to bomb the hell outta it.

5 minutes later…

Mr. Chan: Eh.. what’s that smell?

Je: *sniff sniff* Hmm.. yeah lor.. what’s that?

Juls: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…. It’s Merv!

#3: *SNNNNIIIFFFF* Huh? Smell? Where got smell? I cannot smell also..

Mr. Chan: DEAR!! DEAR!! Don’t smell! Cover your nose.. QUICK! It’s TOXIC! Can’t you see the green gas coming from the loo?

#3: *Pushing Mr. Chan’s hand that’s covering her nose away - sniiiiiiffff* Where got?

Mr. Chan: Don’t smell DEAR! Don’t smell!!!! It’s Poison!!

Je & Juls: *ran outside to the garden to get away from the smell and hiding behind the garden table, trying not to LAUGH OUT LOUD and shivering like a bunch of naked ducks in a half frozen pond because it’s so fucking cold*

…

And thus, ends a winter’s day that faded into a winter’s night. Maybe I’ll write about Summer Days and Summer Nights next. Stay tuned.

This is Housemate #1 - Juls a.k.a tea addict signing off.

The Others - Part 1

Ok ok ok.. before all you folks out there go..

"What? ANOTHER story about the 4 jokers in Perth?.. Sien d lor.."

I'm gonna change the topic a bit.

In this post, I'm gonna introduce to you..... The Others.

Who are The Others?
No, they are not ghosts, not like in the movie The Others (well, at first they seem like they are ghosts but they are not actually ghosts, haunting the living people. In actual fact, the living people are already dead and are actually the ghosts haunting the ghosts who are actually living people.. something like that la..).

Bottom line is.. our The Others are not scary or creepy or weird.. (well, ok la, a bit weird). They are simply the people who made our stay in Perth such a memorable experience.

Ok so shall we begin our rounds of introduction?
Alrighty.. first up…

The Others 1
‘Fei Por’ Steph

Well, she’s not really THAT fei.. but you see, we know another Steph, so by calling this one Fei Por Steph we are all clear on which Steph we are talking about.

Anyhow.. Ok.. so Fei Por Steph.

How did we meet her?
I forgot.. really. I think we met her in Uni la.. during the last semester of our studies. We happen to be in the same group for our last semester FTV project.

How is she like?
She is very bubbly, she is crazy at times, she is rather friendly, she gets along with people very well and she makes friends quite easily. Through her.. I met another 2 Others.. whom I will introduce later.

So ar.. this girl we call Fei Por Steph ar.. they say that she is my best friend in the world la.. say that we best until share panties one la.. Which I agree.. is true la. Hahahah.. not the share panties part.. the best friend part la.

We would hang out after class, go jalan-jalan (shopping), we’d go yum cha at night, we’d go clubbing, we’d go to class together, we even went for a ROAD TRIP together.. woo hoo! (Mr. Chan, that one your story to blog..)

Oh… one thing I will always remember about Steph… One incident which involved her and this weird friend of her’s.. for storytelling sake.. let’s just call her friend.. Minah.

Ok, so this is what happened…

Merv, Eric and me.. were in the editing suite working on our final year project. It was in the middle of the night at some godforsaken hour. Then Mr. Chan, Je and #3 walked in to check on our progress. So, we were all just chilling, chatting and laughing at our own silly jokes.. when suddenly, Steph walks in.

She din walk in alone.. she walked in with Minah. So, she and Minah, also joined in the tok kok session la.. So we talked and laughed.. Then.. that’s when it happened.

Mr. Chan: (bored like shit d.. so started singing at the top of his lungs) Isabellllaaaaa.. adalah… kisah cinta dua dunia…….

Minah: (wincing her pig-face) Your voice is suck.

Everybody in the room: ………………

Mr. Chan: You know… I hate Malay……

Everybody in the room: (holds breath)

Mr. Chan: ………….. bands. (which he really does, not because of race.. but because of song genre.. remember, we are NOT racist)

Everybody in the room: (releases breath in relief)

Shortly after that, feeling the tension in the room, Steph and Minah made their way home, leaving the rest of us there.

As soon as they left…

Mr. Chan: Kan ni na bu ah! She wanna say my voice sucks also use la proper English! Your voice is sucks (imitating Minah) What kinda English is THAT?

Je: Hahahaha.. that was damn funny man Mr. Chan… hahahaha.. classic.. Your voice is sucks.

Juls: (too stoned and tired from staying in Uni for over a week without sleep) ……

Merv: Blardy Minah.. she think her voice very nice is it? English also dunno how to speak properly.. some more wanna say so loud.. Chau chee bai ar! Come Mr. Chan we go rape her!
Mr. Chan: No thanks Merv, you can go do that yourself…

Merv: Dear, can I go rape the Minah?

Juls: ………

And so.. from that day onwards we remembered this girl we call Minah. Till today, when we talk about what happened in that editing suite, Mr. Chan will get all angry and he’ll start swearing like no tomorrow.

Hence, this wraps up one part of The Others. Watch out for Part 2, 3 and possibly 4. Coming to you soon.

This is Housemate #1 - Juls a.k.a tea addict signing off.

An 'unwanted' visitor...

Towards the end of our stay in Perth, we were constantly interupted by some unwanted visitor. This visitor does not come in a long white cloak or has really long hair and scary white face with long tongue... this visitor however is rather tall, dark with short hair and definitely not good looking. He usually wore one of those business suit with leather shoes that were sooo polished that you can see yourself in it... This visitor is none other than David Thamb...

The reason why he is sooo 'important' to us was that, his name sounds funny, he speaks in a slang that we love to immitate and he constantly brings other 'visitors' to the house as well... And he's irritating too... You might be wondering why we welcome him since he's unwanted? Simply because... the contract to the rental of the house is coming to an end... and obviously, the next person has to take over... So this irritating agent brings people who we think are not really interested in renting or buying the house to come and interogate our lives....

*Ring... ring... ring... ringggggggg*

David Thamb: Hello... I would like to bring some people to the house today (Pls speak in an Indian slang for it to work better..)
#3: Sure...

Put down the phone

#3: Our friend is coming today... (speaking in funny Indian slang) Until then, I'll stroll around the table...

Merv: Aiyah... cannot play diablo la..
Juls: It's my turn by the way... stop whinning
Mr. Chan: We can play football outside... or T1 race... make a hell lot of noise... so that David Thamb will not get the business....
Je: Have to keep everything properly... later they curi... (not like we have gold and diamond in the house... but what the heck...)

1 hr later...

*ding dong..... knock... knock.. knock....*

Je: Somebody get the door please...
Juls: .... (playing her diablo)
Mr. Chan: The person doing nothing except strolling around the table... pls open the door..
#3: @#$*^!

Door opens....

David Thamb: Hello everyone!! Would you mind stepping outside while I bring these people around the house?
Je: Do we have to do that? This is after all our house until the contract ends... And, would you mind asking your guests to take off their shoes? We are Asians you know...

Well, being Asians... we love to take off our shoes in the house... it's just a different culture that's all... and we expect the kind of respect we deserved... Just google if you are not familiar with our Asian culture for more information...

David Thamb: I dun think that's possible... They would not appreciate that...
Je: Well, we would not appreciate them wearing shoes in the hosue either... otherwise, kindly clean the house after they leave the house.... and... make sure everything stays as it is... if anything goes missing.... *grin*
David Thamb: I assure you these people are very decent. Your house will be as it is...
Juls: So mar farn wan... So big meh? We have to step outside of our own house... Might as well ask us to pack our bags and go back to Malaysia this instant...
Mr. Chan: Might as well... ask HIM to pack his bags and go back to India...

So... the housemates waited patiently outside the hosue. We had a few games just for fun... and that's when I broke Juls' slipper because I tried to immitate Christian Vieri who plays for Italy and also scores brilliant goals.

More crashes of the T1 racing were heard until....

Merv: Where is #3? How come she not playing with us?
Mr. Chan: Eh... thought I saw her earlier...
Je: Err... don't tell me she refuse to come out of the house? Impossible mar... David Thamb said to leave the house? She can get away with it?

All the housemates went into the house... #3 is seen strolling around the table and talking to David Thamb..

#3: I love strolling around the table with baby-h and baby-p...
David Thamb: .....
#3: It's kinda fun you know... baby-p, baby-h this is David Thamb.. say hello...
David Thamb: .....
#3: Sorry... they are too young to speak...
David Thamb: ....
#3: Would you like to join me? It's kinda fun you know strolling with these babies...
David Thamb: .....

Mr. Chan: Freak!!! I bet you David Thamb thinks we are crazy!!
Merv: Hahahaha!!! This is better than the havoc at Sports girl la...
Juls: Kanasai.... This is worse ok... people know where we stay...
Je: Football again?
Juls: Eh... my slipper patah la... play what?
Je: Solli... how I know my power kick so powderful??

Minutes later...

David Thamb: Thanks for allowing us to view the house although one of you do not really cooperate with me... Do you think she needs help?
Mr. Chan: Just treat the person as non-existent...
David Thamb: *Mumble* Weird bunch of people...
Merv: *Overheard* Eh... we are not weird ok... we are just very colourful... Mau kena whacking??
Mr. Chan: Yah la... Wanna die arr?

Both Mr. Chan and Merv charged forward... David Thamb started running off...

David Thamb: You guys are freaks!!!!

Mr. Chan: Don't let me see you on the streets!!!!

And so.... that's the story of our unwanted visitor..

Till next time..

I'm housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and... each other

Chor tai ti

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon. The housemates were stuck at home. It's kinda different in overseas country. Sunday is a rest day and I mean literally resting at home not going out. Shops will be closed except one or two stores. So... nothing much to do at home on Sunday...

Mr. Chan, sitting in the hall alone, obviously sitll traumatized by his shopping experience with #3 yesterday. Merv and Juls fighting for the comp again as usual... #3, strolling with her babies. Me? Thinking what to prepare for dinner... still too early anyway... Seeing that everyone is half dead or going nuts... I decided to call for a very important meeting...

Je: Guys... I suggest we gather togehter and play chor tai ti..

Mr. Chan sprint from his seat obviously healed from the trauma. Juls stopped fighting with Merv and #3 stopped walking and start shuffling a deck of cards...

Juls: Err... There are so many of us here...
Merv: I did not say I want to play chor tai ti also... hehehehe... I wanna continue my diablo..
Juls: #$%@!!!
Mr. Chan: Sshhh... I want to make sure my feng shui is nice... stop interupting my thoughts..
Juls: Kanasai!!

Everyone finally sat down around the table. Mr. Chan always sit at the far end of the table nearer to the kitchen, Juls on the other end nearer to the glass sliding door and my usual seat will be facing #3 as my back face the wall.

*Kraaaaa kraaaa... shuffle shuffle*

Mr. Chan: Eh, faster a bit can anot??
#3: You shuffle la you so pandai...
Mr. Chan: Hehehehe... kidding only la... You doing a good job there...
Je: ....
Juls: .... (SSDD - same shit different day)

Je: Hah!! Got 4 Ti's... so I win this round la...
Mr. Chan: NO! Who set the rule? No one... so we'll just continue playing...
Juls: Err... Dowan can anot? My smallest card is 10 wor...
#3: Continue playing la Juls...

In the end... Je wins la DUH!! Dun win arr... shy man... #3 lost so have to shuffle again....

The thing about playing chor tai ti is that if you lose the game, which means if you have the most number of cards in you hands... you have to shuffle the cards for the next round. Hence, if you have really small cards.... the smartest thing to do is to throw as many cards as possible...

After a few rounds of winning and losing and #3 constantly shuffling.... the game is starting to feel a bit bored now. In between the games, the housemates were seen running to and fro the toilet to pee...

#3: After this my turn to pee...
Mr. Chan: Pls shuffle and give out the cards before you go...
#3: @#$!%^
Juls: ....
Je: .... (SSDD - same shit different day again)

#3 gave out the cards, went to the toilet to pee...

Mr. Chan: Eh eh... lets see her cards...
Je: Cheating wei??
Juls: Pls may I have tai ti?
Mr. Chan: Don't have la... tai ti is with me...
Juls: Ace of spades?
Je: It's with me...
Juls: What card she has??
Je: *Open up all #3 cards* Nah... choose yourself...
Mr. Chan: Kanasai... her cards not nice wan....
Je: Hahahahaha.....
Juls: I want 10 of hearts.. Now got tong fa soon d...

Tong fa soon actually means..... save me the time to explain... just google.

*Krooonnnggsshhhh*

Je: Wei... she's done la...
Mr. Chan: Kanasai!! I dowan three of diamonds la!!

Obviously all the housemates pretend like nothing happened when #3 return from her pee....

All of a sudden... Mr. Chan burst out laughing....

#3: What's wrong? Are you ok?
Je: *starts to giggle* Errr... still traumatize... not fully recovered yet I think...
Juls: *laughing* Ya ya... he's still in shock...
#3: *Looking at all of us with a suspicious look* Don't tell me you guys exchange your lousy cards with mine...

#3 picks up her cards and starts browsing through her cards... Slams them on the table...

#3: Bunch of idiots.... Such lousy cards... Think I sooo stoopid the continue the game and shuffle again??
Mr. Chan: But but... I did not change also... I saw the cards.. .not nice... I put back lor...
Je: *still laughing* Not your day la today... our cards nicer then yours la...
Juls: Err... I only took your 10 of hearts... give back lor... Can I have my 4 of clubs back?
#3: I aint gonna play this round of game. You guys saw my cards!! And I aint gonna shuffle too... Dear, you shuffle..
Mr. Chan: Why me??? I did not take your cards also...
#3: I belive you are the one who came up with the bright idea... so do it
Je: ....
Juls: *giggles*
Mr. Chan: Kanasai...
#3: baby-p and baby-h, we shall punish your dad tonite...

And so, from that day onwards, anyone who goes to the toilet will bring their cards along... in case history repeats itself...

By the way, where is Merv when all this took place? He's playing his diablo on Juls comp, using Juls mouse and Juls headphones... No wonder he's oblivious to the surrounding...

Till next blog..

This is housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and.... each other

Hay and Murray

No..they are not Housemate No 4 & 5 or any of our friend..well..to some ppl maybe they are..

Hay Street & Murray Street.
Hay and Murray is just a street lies in the center of Perth, Western Australia. What so great about these 2 streets?...some historical event took place here?..Yes INDEED.

Basically, these 2 streets are meant for shopping and its the only place to shop in perth, in which we call CITY - David Jones, Romp, Sports Girl, Foot locker, Club X, Hungry Jacks (the burgers are better in Hungry Jacks - no...not really but that's their tag line..), Mc Dong Dong (McDonald's), Fitness First, K-Mart, Target, Rowe & Jarmen, JB Hi Fi (a record store), Joint Venture (you gonna love this place...well..at least i do..), Funny T-shirt store (can't remember what is the shop calls)Java Juice.

I remember this place...it sells Juice...java juice...what the heck is java juice..??..what the heck is Java in the first place ??...any tom dick or harry that passes this store..they will be this guy inside the counter shouting and screaming his lungs out promoting its juice..java..??..anyway..looking at the color of that drink..i'll pass.. - there's green, yellow, there's blue, there's pink, there's red...goddammit..what the hell is that?..i mean..ok..fine..if its some kinda fruit..won't it produce only one color?..hey..you don't see a purple durian right?..do u see a black orange?..do u see a blue apple juice?...no..that's what i thought...but pls do share if you came across a white rambutan or have tried Java Juice...

Some pics of how Hay Street and Murray Street look like:

Hay Street

Hay Street again..

Murray Street

Its a nice place to shop or simply just walk around these 2 street which located back to back. In the middle of the street (either murray or hay..can't remember), there's this small fountain pond like pool where you can see alot of goths hangin' out there doing nothing and comparing who has a whiter face, who's cloak is blacker, who's lips are darker and stuff like that..

Goth:Goth is a modern subculture that first became popular during the early 1980s within the gothic rock scene, a sub-genre of post punk. It is associated with gothic tastes in music and clothing. Styles of dress range from gothic horror, punk, Victorian, fetish, cybergoth, androgyny, and/or lots of black. Since the mid-1990s, styles of music that can be heard in goth venues range from gothic rock, industrial, punk, metal, techno, 1980s dance music, and several others

For those who have no idea what a "goth" is...

Wow..this blog is educating...just fucking google it..

I'm not so much of a shopping guy..like..i dun walk around the mall for the sake of walking and window shopping..if there is something i wan..i will go straight to that store...look at it...feel it...try it (if neccessary) pay and ciau..and i don't look at the same rack of clothes for one hour and then decide to try one piece..and put it back and visit other racks and eventually goes back to the same rack..spend another hour looking at the clothes being hang there...try the same piece, only different size...and only to realise "oh fuck ..look...its ripped.."..."i dun buy ripped shirts." - proceed to the next rack with the same routine..but i have experienced it...and its horrible...IT WAS HELLLL..*sob sob...god..*..help me..*..*take me...just TAKE ME...!!*

Until today..i have this phobia call "shoporzhenia" - dun bother googled it...its a new sickness and its not in google yet..trust me..it is like if i spend more than 3 minutes on a single rack of clothes..i will have allergies..

5 mins: high fever
10 mins: coughing blood
12 mins: need medical attention
15 mins: puke
20 mins: still puking
30 mins: still puking
50 mins: look...if u puke non-stop for like frigging 15 mins...its better off just kill urself..
1 hour 15 mins: proceed to funeral parlour..

going shopping with #3 was HELL..yes..ask Housemate No 1 and 2..

Like i said...she has no aim of what she wanted to buy..and she can spend really really fucking long in one shop and at one rack...oh my fucking god...pick your trampy clothes and get on with it already...

#3: dear..nice or not *showing a top with a women face printed on it..*
me: nice..
#3: this one?..*the same top only with the women face printed facing the opposite direction*
me: nice..
#3: this one?..*the same top only its sleeveless
me: nice..
#3: this one?..*the same top only its sleeves has one side longer than the other..*
me: nice..
#3: all also nice then i buy all lar...
me: nice...
#3: oh..i drop my lipstick..
me: nice...
#3: on second thought..i think i will come back later for it..
me: nice..
#3: dear are u ok?
me: nice...
#3: * went off to the next rack of clothes after 2 hours and still in the same store..
me: *have been sitting on the same couch for the last 2 hours..*

Promoter: sir..are u alright..
me: nice..
Promoter: u mean my boobs??..
me: nice..
Promoter: sir...ur eyes are bleeding..and ur nose too..
me: nice..

Seriously...if you wanna shop..c'mon..we shop from store to store..not from fucking rack to rack at the same fucking store for fucking 2 hours looking at the same RACK??..its unbearable

i remember once when i was in Romp with #3..as usual..there's things she wants to buy but dunno what...* oh my god..someone just kill me pls??...anyone..??..*

This time...its something new...she go round and round and round and round the whole fucking store and comes back to the very first rack...
...

...

I swear to god, during that time..i was like "Ngor Chow Lei Sei Lar....Ham Kar Channn.." - translation..." i am going to die...whole family shovel". Since its so suffering..then why follow??? well..that's a good question...until now..i can;t explain why..guess i was dumb that time..and maybe because there's this underground toy shop that i've been looking forward to visit every week or every city visit..

A few store that is a must for me to visit (BY MYSELF) are JB Hi Fi, Toys R' Us, Joint Venture, the funny t-shirt store and this underground toy shop which i do not know what it is called...

JB Hi Fi: An undergroud (it is located underground - and not "underground" kinda underground..you dig?..) record store which has great stuff - CDs, DVDs, Box Sets, Bla bla bla..normal record store like the one we have here in Malaysia except that the locals CDs went through some cencorship of vulgarity on the album so..whenever there's fuck suck duck puck kuck luck nuck muck huck guck ruck wuck.....quck...on it...it will be erased..so the good thing about overseas record store is that they do not censored all these stuff but simply sticking a "Parental Advisory - Explicit lyrics" label there - which no one really gives a fuck... but some set back is that, the album that you buy in Australia might not be the same version as the original...ok..for example..I bought a Marilyn Manson CD which has like 18 tracks..last 3 tracks happens to be a bonus track..this is the original release..but if u buy the same album in Australia, you might get only 2 bonus track, thus this is called "Australia cut".

Joint Venture: this place is fucking awesome..i dunno what "genre" of this store is..coz it sell lots of stuff like rock t-shirts (hell yea!!!...)..some bong memorabilia..some..wait..that's it..yea..and its cool...

For you nerds and freaks out there...here's another piece of "education" for ya..

Bong: A water pipe or bong is a device used for smoking, usually cannabis (and less frequently tobacco or other substances), in which smoke is bubbled through a chamber containing water. Apocryphal history suggests the term "bong" returned to the U.S. with troops who had served in Vietnam, as a corruption of the Thai word baung, which refers to a hollow pipe or tube.

Give it a try and you'll never go nerd again...chiqs will dig ya...and show their boobies to ya..
Just go to any burger stall that you can find at the road side and ask the fella..

"Bang..bang...ada "baal" ar??..if get whack...then the answer is obvious "No..we do not have cannabis"
Baal: a lingo for cannabis... and that's weed...pot...crack...

Toys R' Us: hey...don't expect something great written here about Toys R' us ok??..Just visit the nearest Toys R' Us..and there u have it..ok..ok...fine..this is the best i can do ok?..

Toys "R" Us is a toy store chain based in the United States. It also operates in other countries, with around 1,500 stores world wide. The Toys "R" Us chain was founded by Charles Lazarus in Washington, DC during the post-war baby boom era in 1948. The flagship store in New York City's Times Square is the largest toy store in the world, featuring a colorful ferris wheel.

...

...

...

Just google it...you can google anything .... try google-ing google..

The Funny T-Shirt Store: If i'm not mistaken..i think this shop is called "Funny Tee"..can't remember.. This place is awesome..it has all kinda t-shirts with remarks or pictures which can makes u laugh..even if ure not buying..just go in and look at the t-shirts being displayed and u'll laugh ur ass off and have a good time..

The Toy Shop: as i was walking alone (#3..still making a havoc in sports girl..protesting.. - refer to Jelita's blog - "Shopping Spree")..i came across this music store which has a few nice guitar on display..as i was checking it out...i saw this aussie dude walking up from a store below carrying this huge replica of Aragorn's sword (Lord of the Ring)...looking pretty happy as if he has just give a helluva blow job to his neighbour. Anyway...i was surprised by it and decided to pay a visit (no...not gonna give a blowjob..) to the toy store...the moment i step into the shop...i can hear the background of my brain singing..

"youuuu.....light up ... my lifeeeeee..."

and there is where i got the first 2 of my many transformers collection - childhood deprive lar..
one of it which is a collection series - Generation 1 - Takara re-issue..and until now...i am still collecting it...the one i got from the store was #1 and #2..and now..it is already #21 and still going...

Till Next blog..

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Jeepers Creepers...

It was a cold winter night. All the housemates gather together to watch their favourite movie genre, i.e. horror movies...They have finished their first horror movie and currently watching their second one. The girls curled up together afraid that the 'ghost' (that was actually a monster) would jump out of the TV at them.

Juls was sipping her hot tea and cuddling her patched-teddy bear. Je was in her Winnie-the-pooh PJs squeezing what feels like #3 hand or was it baby-h hand? Can't tell the difference. Merv was sitting alone on the other side acting macho. But he was seen clutching his seat when a few shocking scenes were apparent.

Mr. Chan was warming himself in front of the toaster heater trying to get comfy with #3 who is too busy trying to put her two babies to sleep...

The show finally ended.

Mr. Chan: Crap! Like that only arr?

Merv: Hahahahaha! Wanna smoke?

Mr. Chan: Come arr...

Mr. Chan and Merv walked towards the door...

Je: Cannot tahan d... Need to pee..

Juls: Wait for me... I also wanna go with you...

#3: Err... dun leave me alone here... I'm also scared la..

Je: I seriously needs to pee ok.. you ain't following me into the toilet.

Juls: We'll just wait outside la ok?

Off the three housemates went to the toilet....

Je: *Obviously peeing...*

#3: Eh, faster a bit can anot? Scary la the outside... so dark *looking through the glass door*

Juls: Yah la! I need to...

Before Juls could finish... suddenly, the lights went off...

All three gals: Arrggghhhhhh!!!!!

Je: Juls, what happen? *still peeing*

Juls: *Voice shaking and cuddling #3* I... I... dunno wor... No po... wer... suddenly...

#3: Help! My baby-h and baby-p sitting in the hall by themselves... sure they scared la...

*krrongggssshhhh*

Juls: Faster come out..

Je: Let me wear my pants first can anot?

Toilet door opens....

Juls and #3 was seen sitting on the floor shivering. Not from the cold but fearing that whatever that was seen in the movie will come to life.

#3: Save my baby-h and baby-p, Je... They are still young....

Juls: ......

Je: Hey, where are the guys?? They went for a fag rite?

Juls: Lets go to the hall... and find them there....

At the sitting hall....

Merv & Mr. Chan: Muahahahahahhaahahaha!!!!!!

Mr. Chan: We heard you gals begging for mercy...

Merv: We were just testing the power switch la.... hahahahaha

#3: Idiot! You know that would scared my baby-h and baby-p! Don't ever do that again! Come baby-h and baby-p... mommy is here. don't be afraid....

Je: ......

Juls: Wah lau!! Nothing betta to do meh? If we die of heart attack arrr.....

Merv: We'll just send you to the hospital la...

Mr. Chan: Eh, it was only a joke la ok... Can't take a joke is it?

Je: Forget it. Lets watch something else... Like erm... what about The Usual Suspects?

And so... the housemates are back to their normal self again.

Till next time...

I'm housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and..... each other

Anything but boring..

Every time I tell somebody that I went to Perth to study.. the first thing they'll say is.. "Perth? Wah.. I hear very boring one wor..."

Then, I'll always reply.. "Boring? No way! It all depends on who you hang out with, man. With friends like mine.. wanna be bored also cannot." Well, yeah at times we will be bored la.. but we'll always find ways to amuse ourselves.. and irritate each other.

Seriously.. Imagine living in the same house with 3 other weirdos... It is damn fucking fun can. Lemme give you some examples..

Scenario ONE
So, we're sitting around the dining table..

Just finished like the 20th round of Chor Tai Tee.. and we'll be sien la.. (come on, play 20 rounds d.. and keep on losing/winning.. U say sien or not?)

Je: Wei.. sien ar.. dun wanna play d la, win until sien d.
Juls: Yeah la.. dammit. tamau main la.
Mr. Chan: Huh? Dun wanna play.. then what you wanna do?

Je: Dunno..
Juls: ....
Mr. Chan: ....
#3: (Still wrecking havoc in Sportsgirl where Mr. Chan and Je last left her)

Je: Eh eh eh.. I know I know.. Mr. Chan u amuse us ar.. there.. sing Macy Gray...
Mr. Chan: Macy Gray? U think I what? Clown ar?
Juls & Je: (nodding vigorously)
Mr. Chan: KANASAI! OK LA!

Mr. Chan: (taking a deep breath)

"I try to say good bye and I choke (hey)
Try to walk away and I stumble...
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near"

Je & Juls: ....... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA
Juls: (wiping tears of laughter) Wah.. damn.. you really sound like Macy Gray leh. I think if I closed my eyes and listen to you sing.. I'd be thinking that I'm listening to Macy Gray LIVE!
Je: (nod nod nod)

And after that we'll get him to impersonate Jackie Cheung, Andy Lau, Michael Jackson and more Macy Gray.

Thus, an afternoon of guaranteed, hilarious fun.

Scenario TWO
So, it’s like a Saturday or something… we’ve just woken up and had breakfast.

And now, we’re sitting around with nothing to do.

Je: Eh.. what are we doing ar today?
Juls: (washing dishes) Dunno.. what do you all wanna do?
#3: Let’s go shopping…

Everybody: (SHOUTING in unison) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mr. Chan: (switching on the TV) Eh.. eh eh.. check this out!

Jerry Springer: Good morning ladies and gentlemen.. Today we have a very, very special line up for you.

Jerry: This is John.. John.. how are you today?

John: Hey Jerry I am fine..

Jerry: As you can see folks.. John is a midget. So John.. why are you here today?

John: Well Jerry, I’m here today because.. well.. I have something to confess.. I want to come clean.. with the love of my life.. Julianna.

Jerry: Come clean? Confess? Wow, John.. sounds like you’ve been a naughty naughty boy..

John: Oh.. well yeah Jerry.. Really depends on what you mean by naughty.

Mr. Chan: Wow fuck.. the midget is gonna confess something.. come and see come and see!

John: You see Jerry.. I’m a man.. and a man has needs. Yeah, I’m a small man.. but some parts are.. errmm.. what I’d like so say.. is.. I’m normal sized.. at some ‘parts’ if you know what I mean.

Jerry: OK ok.. yes John I know what you mean.. you're saying you have a big Johnson yes? Ok.. let's get a move on..

John: Anyway, so.. I have needs.. and this chick of mine.. Julianna.. well she sometimes cannot handle my needs. So.. needless to say.. I gotta go else where.

Jerry: Right……. So you’re gonna confess to Julianna today.

John: Yeah..

Jerry: Ok folks, let’s give a huge welcome to Julianna!

(clap clap clap clap clap)

Jerry: Hi Julianna!

Jul: Hi Jerry! And oh Hi baby! (kissing John on the top of his head)

Jerry: So Julianna, John tells us that you guys have been together for quite a while.

Jul: Yeah yeah we have.. in fact we’re about to get married next month.

Jerry: Oh really.. how sweet.. Well.. let’s get on with this then shall we? John you said that you had something to confess to Julianna.

John: Yeah I do..
(Taking Julianna’s hands.. looking into her eyes)

John: Ju ju…. Listen to me. You don’t understand.. But.. I think.. I’m too much man for you. I know you can’t handle me… That’s why.. I did what I did.

Jul: What did you do baby?

John: I…… I slept with your sister………’s, best friend’s, boy friend’s, mother’s, brother’s, step-sister’s, nephew’s, grandfather’s, wife.

Jul: What? You bastard! (Grand) motherf**ker! (starts throwing chairs, mikes, mikestands…… etc)

Jerry: Well, there you have it folks.. never underestimate a small guy. Till next time, take care of yourself and of each other..

Mr. Chan: Fuck.. that was good shit.
Je & Juls: (nod nod nod nod)

And thus, the rest of the afternoon is spent yakking about Jerry Springer.

Scenario THREE
So, it's like a hot, hot afternoon la...

No classes, everybody's home (by everybody I mean Je, Mr. Chan, me and #3.... maybe even Merv).

Juls: Fuck it's damn hot.. and we ran outta beer.
Je: (Sitting on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor.. in a pile of rubbish.. her favourite pastime) Yaaa... very hot.. and bored.
Mr. Chan: (Sprawled across the dining table.. whacking the bloody Aussie flies) I'm dying... I'm dying of boredom.. help me..
#3: (Keeping herself amused by playing make up artist with Baby H and Baby P..) Come Baby H.. mummy make you pretty pretty.. like mummy ok?

Merv: Let's play Diablo LAN.. wan or not.. wan or not?
Everybody: (shouting in unison) NO!

Everybody: (Sitting, sprawling, lying down all around the house waiting for something to do.. or something to happen, or for someone to say something)

Je: Ehhhh.. it's 6.. come let's go to the playground!
Everybody: (exclaimed in unison) OK!

Je: No.. #3.. u cannot come.. U have to stay home and finish up all the donuts..
#3: (protesting)
Je: No... I dun care.. whether you feed Baby H or Baby P or you eat them all yourself.. when I come home you have to finish them ALL. Or else..... I'm taking away your MAC foundation.
#3: OK OK OK...

(Afterthought - Damn.. Je.. we should have done this la. Then maybe she'll finish all her fucking donuts)

So, everybody (except #3) troops out of the house and heads towards the park.

There we will swing on the swings, climb the monkey bars, fly from post to post (remember that thing where we'll grab the bar and fly across one... like mini flying fox) and go up and down on the see-saw and laughter would be heard throughout the entire street...

Those were the days man… hahaha.. Damn.. I miss playing in the freaking playground with you guys.

Everybody: Awwwwwwwww……..

This is Housemate #1 - Juls a.k.a tea addict signing off.