Winter days & winter nights

People always talk about summer in Australia being hot as hell (which is true… supposing people can even survive hell.. which we 4 stooges did). But so far, I seldom hear people speaking of winter in Australia.

So, I’m gonna do just that. Here’s an account of how winter is like in Perth (with the 4 stooges).

8am

Juls: *shiver shiver shiver* It’s so damn fucking cold..

*nyek nyek nyek* Juls turns on the tap to let the hot water run…

Juls: *OOOooooohhhhh…… AAAaaahhhhh….* Let’s out a sigh of pleasure (from putting her hands under hot running water la ok.. not from sex.. please)

Je: Eh Juls, enuff with the orgasm.. please.. stop hogging the tap.

Juls: Wait… I belum gosok gigi..

Je: Then you stand there “ooohhh aaaahhh ooohhh aahhhh” do what? Bikin anak ar?

Juls: Thawing my fingers…

Je: Hmm.. share la.. what man. Move over!

Juls moves over and prepares to brush her teeth while Je has an orgasm with the hot water.

*chee chaaaa chee chaaa* Juls brushing her teeth.

Juls: Hyjndmf ngjtjdj fghut nvjf?

Je: *OOOhhhhhh.. aaaaahahhhhh.. OOOhhhhh yyyyeeeeeeeeessss…* Huh? What Juls?

Mr. Chan: WAH! Both of you got orgy out here ar? Why never invite? Je.. move over and lemme join in la.. ka na sai ar!

Je moves over, bumping Juls out of the way (lucky finish brushing teeth d..) and letting Mr. Chan in on the hot water fun.

Mr. Chan & Je: OOOOOhhhhh.. yeeessssssaaaaa…. Ooohhhh my god…. Yyyeeesss.. giiive it to me bayyyybbeeee…
#3: Yes dear.. you called me? What do you want me to give you, bibi?

Mr. Chan: Eh… oh.. erm.. no nothing.. I was just erm.. talking to erm.. the water here… the hot water every nice.. yeah.

At that time, Je & Juls will ‘chee tung siew sat’ (own self disappear) to the kitchen to go make breakfast or to take a shower.. not together la pervert.. separate la.

Then, if we have classes we’ll quickly dress up, nice and warm and start moving out of the house.


12pm

While walking to Uni..

Juls: *breathe in - pfffiiitttt* *breathe out - pfiiiitttttt*

Je: Eh, what’s that whistling sound? Juls.. why are u whistling?

Juls: I dave a docked nose… *sniff*

Je: What?

Mr. Chan: She said.. she has a blocked nose…

Juls: Ahuh.. eee’s dright..

Je: ………

We reach the bus stop and we’re waiting for the bus.

#3: Ok Baby-H and Baby-P.. Mummy going to University ok.. Mummy going to get a degree so that Mummy can work and earn lots of money for you to spend on me ok?

And #3 proceeds to place Baby-H and Baby-P on the bus stop bench.

Je: Errrrrrm…. You not scared people come and take your babies away ar?

#3: No ar.. I put a note on each of them saying.. “Please Do Not Remove.. even though you might be sick/old/lame/9 months pregnant/blind/dumb/deaf or simply handicapped in any way. You are not allowed to remove my babies to enable yourself to sit on the bench. Please, don’t be selfish.”

And, so our journey to Uni continues in silence… *pfiitttt* *pffiitttt*


5pm

Je: Eh apa mau makan ini hari?

Juls: Don’t cook la today, everybody makan sendiri la! (meaning Juls craves for Indomee Goreng with telur mata kerbau)

Mr. Chan: Ahhh.. yeah yeah.. #3.. can cook one Nissin noddle for me?

#3: Bibi, I not free, I am combing our children’s hair.. Instead, can you come and help me braid Baby-H’s fur? I want to make cornrolls like David Beckham like that.

Mr. Chan: *grumble grumble grumble* Kan na sai ar.. Always make me do stupid thing like that.. waste time oni.. I hungry also she don’t cook for me.. always care about the babies only.. and the babies aren’t even alive..

#3: What was that you were saying dear?

Mr. Chan: Oh… nothing dear.. I was saying that your eyes are very big.. and pretty.. like the camel in the desert .. eh.. I mean.. like the stars in the sky.

Je & Juls hiding behind the kitchen counter trying to not LAUGH OUT LOUD!


8pm

Je: Hmm… Juls ar… Juls…

Juls: Yeeeeeeeeees?

Je: Juls ar….. you know what I feel like doing?

Juls: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttt?

Je: I feel like doing that “bathtub thing” we did last time..

Juls: Oooooooooooooooh..

Juls: OK..

Je: You wanna fill the tub with hot hot water? And maybe pour some bath salts in?

Juls: Oookkkk… I’m on it.. Hmmm.. why not you bring the chairs in.. the chairs are always so useful when we do the “bathtub thing”.

Je: Ok..

In the bathroom..10 minutes later..

Je & Juls: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOOOSSSSShhhh.. This feels soooooooooooo good!

Je & Juls: Yeeeeessss la.. ooohhhh goodness.. we should do this “bathtub thing” more often.. hor?

Je: Yeah.. yeah… OH yes..

Mr. Chan: *shouting from outside the hall where he is stuck making cornrolls for Babay-H’s fur* OOOIIIIIIII! What you all doing? Oiiii!!

Je & Juls: *totally ignore Mr. Chan*

Juls: Eh… the water not hot anymore la.. enuff la.. afturds the feet become like raisins..

Je: Yeah la.. come let’s get out of here and go get some Mc Dong Dong ice cream.

Juls: Jom..

Juls, gets up to pull out the bathtub plug while Je takes the chairs back out to the dining table.

(What the hell is the “bathtub thing”? Soaking cold feet in a bathtub full of hot water la, what else? Damn pervert la you all! Just like Mr. Chan)

10pm till we all get sleepy

Mr. Chan: Eh, I have a suggestion about what to do since it’s so fucking cold… Let’s go buy 10 ice creams each, we’ll sit outside the garden in our shorts and sleeveless tees and slowly slurp the ice cream while the fan blows at us.. want or not?

Je, Juls & #3: ….

*Ding dong ding dong*

Juls, opens the door..

Merv: Hi dear..

Juls: Hello..

Merv: I need to go to the toilet.. BAD.

Juls: Go la.

Merv runs to the loo and proceeds to bomb the hell outta it.

5 minutes later…

Mr. Chan: Eh.. what’s that smell?

Je: *sniff sniff* Hmm.. yeah lor.. what’s that?

Juls: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…. It’s Merv!

#3: *SNNNNIIIFFFF* Huh? Smell? Where got smell? I cannot smell also..

Mr. Chan: DEAR!! DEAR!! Don’t smell! Cover your nose.. QUICK! It’s TOXIC! Can’t you see the green gas coming from the loo?

#3: *Pushing Mr. Chan’s hand that’s covering her nose away - sniiiiiiffff* Where got?

Mr. Chan: Don’t smell DEAR! Don’t smell!!!! It’s Poison!!

Je & Juls: *ran outside to the garden to get away from the smell and hiding behind the garden table, trying not to LAUGH OUT LOUD and shivering like a bunch of naked ducks in a half frozen pond because it’s so fucking cold*

…

And thus, ends a winter’s day that faded into a winter’s night. Maybe I’ll write about Summer Days and Summer Nights next. Stay tuned.

This is Housemate #1 - Juls a.k.a tea addict signing off.