Remember when we used to.. #1

Remember when we used to think that the word "punani" was Indian?

And we would go around speaking to each other in an Indian accent trying to form sentences using the word "punani".

Funny shit, man.

"Dei, sap-da punani la, dei!"

Killer.

Spending your $$$ on something stupid..

Have you ever spend your hard earn, blood and sweat money on something that contributes nothing, at no use, totally unnecessary and silly ever??..

I’m sure you did…maybe once…maybe once a month…maybe none??…

Well…to be honest….most of money are being spend on all sorts of things that contributes nothing, at no use, totally unnecessary….i.e. my collection of Transformers toys (which I define as a NECESSITY in my life) which I have not open or display it at all…buy it just for the sake of collecting it and to occupy those empty spaces in my cupboard….

Yeah…I know its kinda dumb…but hey…as long as I’m happy…

Some of you might have the whole set of “Barbie dolls” – which include, but not limited to, “Ken”, “the dumb pink corvette car”, “the play-house, where you can role play between Barbie and Ken” (for fuck sake…!!!), “Barbie tea-set”…whatever…

I’m not condemning your rights to choose what you wish to collect….as long as it makes you happy…

I came across this book in a bookstore. Well it’s not actually a book i.e. novel, but more like a guide. A guide to what??..I’ll explain later..

The catchy title and its striking color caught my attention…and after “exploring” it…I can’t help myself but to pay 30 bucks for it. “Exploring” by the means of opening the nicely sealed box, taking it apart slowly and nicely, slide out the plastic cover that was protecting it, open the box, exploring what’s the ingredient, making sure everything is in-tact i.e. items are as stipulated accordingly, browse through a few pages of the content…interesting?…put it back nicely into the box, put it back into the plastic cover, AND take a new one….hey…c’mon la…as if you never do this kinda things before…

MALAYSIAN BOLEH..!!!!

Ok..so as I was saying…it’s a guide…a guide to…




..how to write a Poison Letter to your enemies i.e. ur ex, your current or ex-boss, neighbours, friends, brothers or sisters…and hence, “The Poison-Pen Letter Writing Set – Everything you need to let someone know how you really feel”…you feeling the “AWESOME-NESS”????

Like I said…the color of the box and its title caught my attention…



Sorry for the blurry image but basically the set includes:

a) Instruction booklet
b) 20 sheets red writing paper
c) 20 red envelopes
d) 20 stickers (Yes…stickers…I’ll explain later)
e) A poisen pen (A poison pen…how cool is that???….i’ll explain later too)

The instruction booklet…



A small little booklet, about the size of your palm, which is nice as it can be easily fit into your pocket…always a handy guide whenever you need to compose a “Poison” letter… “Whenever, Wherever, Let’s Compose a Poison Letter”

I have not finish reading the guide and so I can’t share much of its content but manage to browse a few pages…one of it is to attach “something” into your letter before sending it to your target. You know how we attach media or docs in your email…well..something similar but only attaching it physically.

For example: before sending the letter to your target, stick a dead roach into the letter, OR rubbing the letter with raw fish meat..making the letter smell awful, OR add spray “Pepper-spray” all over the letter and hope they rub their nose or eyes after reading/touching the letter OR tarot cards i.e. death, the wheel, etc…AWESOME!!!!!…

Another example: Neighbour nuking!!!…hate your neighbour??…no worries…here’s a quick fix…compose your poison letter in “scribbly” hand-writing…for better effect, use your left hand if you’re right handed and vice-versa, but if your capable in writing in both hands, try cutting out words and letters from magz or newspaper..

Drop it in your neighbour’s mail box…drop another similar letter to another neighbour (the innocent one) to avoid suspicion. If you’re being question by either one of the neighbour, pretend you do not know anything and explain how suspicious looking the “other” neighbour was one morning/afternoon loafting around the mailbox..and of coz…be “helpful” to lend an assist…

The Poison Pen



It’s just a fucking normal cheap black-ink ball pen. But the fact that its call a “Poison Pen” and was labelled on it….its AWESOME..!!!…I’m LOVING IT..!!!…be sure to compose your letter with it for more “hatred”..!!!

The Red Envelopes



Perhaps a little too small for “attachments”…but handy enough…recommended!!..

The Red Writing papers



Nothing much..just sheets of papers in red…

The Stickers



Consist of knife, skeleton, angry eyes and poison bottles…nothing much too…just to add additional “flavors” to your letter…more like an expression I’ll reckon…

Now…there you have it…the new item that has been added into my collection of “contributes nothing, at no use, totally unnecessary and silly”

But its cool right??….right??…..whatever your comment is…The Poison Letter Writing Set is still in my “cool” list….hahahahah…

So..now..what’s yours???..

Till next time…



This is ME..signing off..

Bestest Friends in the whole wide world

Recently, there has been some debate about who belongs in the ‘Bestest Friends in the whole wide world’ group. Some people say that it is destined for some to belong in that category whilst others belong in the cool ‘Usual gang of idiots’.

Let me began by saying that…

Once upon a time, there lived two people… who can’t get enough of each other. They love and hate each other for one reason – donuts. Why donuts? It is through donuts that they grew to understand each other. One will eat the donuts today while it is fresh and the other will eat it next week after it has turned green and moldy. Simply because one loves the other so much that she’ll wait ‘til the donuts are no longer edible for the other person. But at the same time, she hates the fact that she doesn’t get to eat the donuts while it is fresh. You can imagine the bond, the closeness and the affection they both share. I’m not talking about just any kind of connection normal people share. I’m talking about a freaking spitting kind of relationship that both enjoy.

So let’s flashback for a second. Who has dual membership? Who should embrace her destiny? Who should finally come out of the closet? And who should go where others cannot follow?

The answer is plain simple….

Go figure…

The Quake

Dear friends,

Yes, there was a quake. No, I din feel anything. Yes, I am fine. Just in case you were worried.

But I do have sad news to tell you. Today, on the day of the earthquake, all my hopes and dreams have been dashed, destroyed, gone with the wind. Why? Because my dog.. an animal.. which was suppose to alert me before a natural disaster strikes... was sound asleep AND snoring.. before, during AND after the quake.

My hope for Handsome was that he will one day, repay all my love by saving my life in a brave and dramatic manner.. But.. after today.. I have decided to accept reality.. that he will never save my life.. Instead, I will have to save his.. and after that.. I have to feed him and pick up his poop sumore.

Sigh.. dear friends.. Handsome = 1 word.. FAIL.

Naked.. shaved.. and wet

If none of my previous blogs got your attention, I'm very sure I have it ALL right now..

So who is naked you ask? Is it.. Mr. Chan *vomit*? Is it Je *hmm.. wink wink*? Or.. is it Jules *...*? What if I tell you that it is none of the above..

Yes... the naked pics I am gonna show you is of......... HANDSOME! Excited or not? Excited or not? *sound of crickets in background*

Anyway.. just take a look la.. since you're already on this webpage.





































Ok.. ok.. before anybody starts saying that I'm cruel la, heartless la.. what la what la.. JUST because I shaved my dog.. I have my reason.. Its because it's now too hot here. He's suffering under all his thick fur... so shaving him makes him more comfortable.

Why the stripe, you ask? Well.... Funny ma.. damn nice to point and laugh at the naughty lil fucker. In fact he looks so funny, that, everybody at the petshop, pointed and laughed at him once he was done.. AND... even the girl shaving him.. couldn't stop smiling while she was doing her job.. AHahahaahaha... yes.. he looks THAT funny! I think the pictures don't do him justice... Hahaha.... If he meets Max now.. I'm sure Max will run away..

My name is Maximus...but just call me MAX..

Yup...i know...its been long since my last post...the usual la...busy ma...heheheh...(i wonder how long can i use this excuse)..but anyway...

Allow me to introduce, the new "member" of "the usual gangs of idiots"..

MAXIMUS...

Yeah...sounds great huh?...but really..he's not..and he's a numbskull..

Max - the golden retriever (Ahem..*proud*) is the replacement of Pebbles (the COCK-er, who is now in doggy heaven being showered everyday with doggy snacks..."we miss you dearly and you will always have a place in our heart")

Max loves nibbling stuff...he'll start to nibble anything on his sight and within his reach...for example..

My coffee table: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
My dining table: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
My arms: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
Cherrie's arm: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
Cherrie's nipple: ALMOST...(..*phew..*) and that's for me to nibble, k Max??..k??..deal??..
My cock: STILL INTACT...(*..phew..*)
My shoe rack: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)

Anyway, you get the picture right..a real destroyer..until the extend that i have to use "minyak cap kapak" to scare the fucker by applying it on all of the "hot-spot" or perhaps "Max's spot"..well..at least it works...for now...

Here are some pics taken especially for Auntie Julz & Handsome...

huh??.

check out the "flying" ear!!

Max and his "Kong"

Getting curious with his new toy

"..eh..not nice one..fuck it la.."

getting grounded for his "No Retreat..No Surrender" on nibbling my furnitures, limbs, etc policy and law.

still being grounded...no toys, no snacks, no pee-pee, no poo-poo..

"ZzzzZZzzZzzzZzz...."

"Yay...Aunt Je to the rescue..!!"

"No Retreat...No Surrender"...THAT...is Max's LAW!...

More pics on the way...

Handsome - The Fashion Shoot

So.. looks like this blog is gonna become Julie's blog eh?

More like Julie's blog about Handsome..

Anyway, can't help it, cuz he's funny and a clown.

Recently my friend send me some doggy clothes she bought from Thailand, Chatuchak Market to be more specific, she says there are tonnes of nice things for pets there.. So Mr. Chan, if ever you go on holiday to Bang-cock.. you might wanna visit Chatuchak Market.. well, not for Max.. cuz it's too bloody hot to make dogs wear clothes in KL.. but for your godson here. Haha.. Handsome thanks you in advanced.

So, Handsome received some clothes.. he's had some old ones.. but well.. he's grown a lot since then.. and the only part of him that can fit into his old clothes right now, is his 'tai pei' or we like to call it, 'chu tui', pig's thigh. Which I will attempt to show you in the following pictures of Handsome's Fashion Shoot.

The outfit: Camo-print overalls by Doggy Dolly

'Blue Steel'



















Macho



















Dunggu



















Being a poser is hard work..


























































Macam 'melankolik'..













Staring into the distance...



















Stare until sleepy...



















































The famous and very 'yuk kan' 'tui'...














Yes, yes, I know he's only wearing one outfit, but that was the one he looked funniest in. And besides, it was hell trying to get him to wear the t-shirt. By my standards, even getting him to wear the overalls were already a big, huge achievement.. so.. if you wanna complain that my fashion shoot bluff people because got only one outfit, you can take your complains and shove it. Either that or, YOU come and try to make the lil fucker wear the t-shirt.

And YES, I know the brand sounds very gay.. But well, maybe I shall now teach him how to do Mr. Chan's 'Sebastion'.. Or maybe Mr. Chan can teach Max how to do..

all by myself...

It is oni NOW that I realize the World Wide Web is such a lonely place.. So lonely in fact, that I have half the heart to actually gossip.. with CAMEL!

But no.. don't worry.. I'm not THAT desperate YET..

Instead, I have decided to put my usual 'jelita chat time' to good use, by updating all you super free wankers who have nothing to do, but, not only read this nonsense of a blog, but ALSO check regularly whether there are new entries or not. (yes.. I am talking about YOU.. no use denying it.. just admit it, you're addicted to this blog)

Well, to date we've got one (upcoming) wedding and a funeral.. Lemme elaborate.

1) Je's getting hitched

To all of you who still don't know that.. Yes.. she's officially off the market.. sorry boys..

And not only that.. Our very own Jelita Ling was also featured in her bestest friend's blog.. And I gotta say this.. Very few people actually make it into that blog, cuz you've gotta be either, a) sleeping with her, b) the person who offended her in some way or other, c) her bestest friend. And clearly, Jelita Ling fits the bill for option C.

You see, Je is well known to be everybody's bestest friend. For some reason or other, all the weirdos just LOVE her.. (except you EJ, you're not a weirdo... really).

Ok ok.. some of you will now be thinking.. "Shit.. is she talking about me?" Well don't plan to shoot me yet. Cuz chances are, the weirdos won't realize I'm talking about them.. and if you are questioning if YOU yourself are the weirdo.. then chances are.. you're not. Kapish?

Ok so where was I? OH yeah.. Everybody loves Je.. Yes they do.. The good and the bad.. The weird and the normal.. Which kinda makes Je a freak show. The weird are the performers, and the normal go there to see (the weird) and Je is the ringmaster. Anyway, having said all that, the usual gang just have to thank Je for embracing her destiny and for taking one for the team.. We love u Je, you know we do.. Don't we Mr. Chan? Cuz if not for her, we'd be the freak show. *high 5*

Oh and congratulations Je on getting hitched (and on being the first of us to get hitched).. hope your love is as perfect here as it is in heaven, (or something like that, was too lazy to look it up.. from the said blog of your bestest friend)

2) Pebbles

The Usual Gang would like to extend our solemnest condolences to Mr. Chan and Cherry for the lost of their puppy cocker spaniel, Pebbles.

To Pebbles,

Though you were part of the Usual Gang only for a week, your presence will be sorely missed. We hope you're happy and free of pain in doggy heaven and we wish you an endless supply of snacks, doggy treats and cuddles, wherever you are.

xx,
Your Usual Gang Aunties and Uncles

3) "Lonely.. Oh so lonely.."

Haha.. no pun intended.. Je you know what I mean. Mr. Chan, when you're free we'll let you in on it.

So, am left alone in the world wide web.

As usual Mr. Chan is no where to be seen, and Je.. well, Je has taken a sabbatical from work AND from my msn chat list. She's no longer online and we have ceased to have our daily dosage of gossip, cock tok and so on and so forth.

Do I miss her? Well of course I do.. (altogether now, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww) do I miss Mr. Chan? Well, that ship sailed LONG ago.. and we've accepted the fact that it's never coming back. So no.. dun miss Mr. Chan.. (altogether now, awwwwwwwwwwww.. I mean, the bad kinda awww)

Yeap.. so like that la, That's all for the updates, I guess one of the surest ways to get Jules to blog is to bore her.. Bore her to blog as opposed to bore her to death..

So, blog d la.. now can please come back online and entertain me?

Melayu day

Hari ini amatlah bermakna sebab ia menandakan hari yang bersejarah. Kaum Kumpulan Biasa yang Bodoh berbahasa Melayu untuk 5 minit sebab otak tak berkerjasama dengan tangan bila bermsn. Bila tangan nak bertaip dalam Bahasa Melayu, otak terus ambil-alih dan tangan terus berbahasa Inggeris. Tapi, bolehlah jugak. Kita mix and match la. Kan kita tinggal di Malaysia yang berbagai bangsa. Walaupun tak berapa pas tapi janji orang paham. Oleh kerana demikian, Juls dengan saya bersetuju bernotakan hari yang bersejarah ini dalam bahasa Melayu.

Awal hari ini, Encik Chan beronline. Juls dengan saya ingat dia datang online untuk berborak dengan kita tapi amatlah merasa kecewa bila dia beritahu kita bahwa dia datang online bukan nak berborak dengan kita tapi cari orang. Orang yang dicarikan memang bukan kita berdua. Jadi, bermulalah drama yang besar yang direka oleh kita berdua yang bosan sampai nak mati. Apa lagi? Kita bercakap anginlah tentang dia. Orang Inggeris kata gossip. Puas-puas kita cakap walaupun kita paham yang Encik Chan ni orang purba jadi kita mestilah beri dia masa untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan yang berteknologi tinggi. Sekarang, dia tengah belajar bahasa yang baru, kita cakap Inggris tapi dia kata tamadun. Lepas bercakap angin bersungguh-sungguh, sekali lagi, Juls dengan saya bersetuju untuk memberi Encik Chan sokongan tanpa sangsi yang dia akan berubah menjadi masyarakat yang beradab macam kita bedua.

Itulah dia, hari yang teramat bersejarah iaitu, saya dapat menulis lebih 200 perkataan dalam bahasa Melayu. Saya ingin kata bahawa saya amat bangga dengan diri saya sendiri dan saya pasti Juls juga rasa demikian. Macam mana dengan orang purba Encik Chan? *bersungut*

Sekian, salam hormat!

A change is good

The recent election has proven that if everyone put their hearts and minds to something, a change can happen. Whether or not this change is gonna make the country any better only time will tell. Nevertheless, it’s always for the good.

There were lotsa of emails flying around everywhere just before the election. People were skeptical, uncertain and doubtful. Others make fun of the government and the people involved in the opposition parties. Some make remarks and strong statements such as “Time for change!” said someone. “Enough is enough!” said another person. “Exercise your rights or you have no rights at all!” another exclaimed.

And Malaysians go all out to make that happened! All said and done, I’m glad I was part of the history and I’m hopeful that this is gonna be the best decision ever made in the entire history of mankind! Well done, Malaysians!!

P/S: Mr. Lim, if you are reading this, remember my free laksa and I still haven't recieved the money you promise in exchange for my loyal support. :-)

An Event to Remember…

Christmas came and went. New Year (2008) came and went. Chinese New Year (Rat year) came and went. The blog is still going slow. And a lot of fans (you know who you are) of our blog have been questioning what’s been happening since Chinese New Year? Is everyone rapture, taken away, abducted by aliens, OR moved out of civilization to join the caveman? NOT!!! As usual, the usual gang just takes it slow and steady. So for all you fans out there, all I can say is… patience is virtue. :)

Recently, we had our usual Chinese New Year gathering at Mr. Caveman Chan’s crib. Ah Lian from China took the trouble to fly all the way back from the freezing Shanghai and so if no gathering, she’ll probably murder all of us. So, no choice, we spent about approx. 10hrs with each other. We watched some movies, had some booze, played some cards, talk some cock, master the game of mahjong and found a new move to the rock, paper and scissors - super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword.

A little background about this rock, paper and scissors:

The conventional Rock, Paper & Scissors goes something like that:

You’ll need two players. Each player thinks of an item that could beat his/her opponent either by choosing rock, paper or scissors. Rock beats the scissors; Paper beats the rock and Scissors beat the paper. Just Google for details.

What about this super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword you must be wondering? How does it fit in? The super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword is a new found move and it basically beats all three rock, paper and scissors. How did this happen? Ask the Ah Lian from China as it all started when we took notice of the top she was wearing.

The move, as displayed below.

The conventional way of playing the game

Super killer move

Ever since discovering this new move, Mr. Caveman Chan is seen playing by himself all the time and mumbling the “super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword” every time. And, he’ll try and get everyone else to play with him

Mr. Chan: Eh eh! Play with me.
Je & Ah Lian from China: No thanks.
Mr. Chan: Please? Pretty please?
Je: Ok. Here goes nothing
Mr. Chan: 1, 2, 3 super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword! Beat ya!
Je: Eh, I also use the same move leh!
Mr. Chan: But you slower. So I win.
Je: ……

We also had a little mahjong tiles arrangement competition invented by Mr. Caveman Chan. Some of us are still learning the game (I’m one of ‘em) and therefore not experts in arranging tiles like Mr. Chan who claimed to be very good at the game (though he din really win. And even if he did, it’s not those fantastic, over-the-edge kinda wins. Orang Melayu kata ‘chekai’) Nevertheless, we had a great time stressing ourselves out trying to pick up the pace as fast as we can.

Mr. Chan: Ok. 1, 2, 3 arrange the tiles now!
Je: Very pressure la.
Mr. Chan: Winner gets to win a car… And done. I’m the winner again!

And the next round.

Mr. Chan: Ok. 1, 2, 3. Go! Winner gets 5 bucks la this time ok? More reasonable.

While arranging, our dear friend Cherry, Mr. Chan’s love of his life did me a favour by pushing Mr. Chan’s tiles back onto the table and…

Je: Yay! You owe me 5 bucks coz I’m the winner.
Mr. Chan: You cheated!
Je: No, I din!
Mr. Chan: Yes, you did! *whistling.

Other than playing games and drinking our lives away, some of us even took some ‘photos’ to remember this joyous event together.

I must say the photos taken were pretty interesting. I’m sure after viewing the pictures you’ll have to agree with me that the pictures are indeed a masterpiece. The photographer, art director, story teller, script writer, director of photography, cinematographer, and 1st, 2^nd & 3^rd unit director was none other than our Ah Lian from China. The talents were Mr. Caveman Chan and his all time butt bro, EJ. Their performance, simply admirable. The theme of the shoot: Cock Wedding Photos performed by Cock Talents and directed by Cock Director. And viewed by Cock Audiences. So you can imagine the outcome of the photos… A BLAST!

I would like to suggest that you view the photos at your own risk here in this blog but our Ah Lian in China could not show the pictures just yet because she’s turn into ice due to the recent blizzards / snow storm that hit Shanghai. And her camera equipment is stuck in her panties. Authorities are now trying to defrost her so that she can reach in and download the images for all to see. (Ah Lian, if you are reading this, you know what to do). So once again, patience, my dear fans.

After the event, things are pretty much back to normal. Some of us are looking forward to the next big event. I wonder what?

Stay tune for more.

Till next time, this is Anti-Caveman signing off! Cheerioz!

I am Handsome

Hi,

My name is Handsome.. The other day.. Mummy told me that, Uncle Manson nearly got butt fucked by a buncha' fuckin' indian criminals.. Mummy told me, Uncle Manson very sad and scared after that incident, so I thought I would be nice and do something to cheer Uncle Manson up..

So.. with a bit of help from Mummy.. I made a photo blog specially for Uncle Manson..



















This was when I first met Mummy.. of course, that time my Mummy was a different person.. so this Mummy I have now, can consider Mummy II..

Mummy II say I last time very small one.. so small in fact that I can nap comfortably in her lap and can sit my entire ass on her palm.. But now.. I can only fit half my ass on her palm.. and the other half will be spilling over the sides of her hand and through her fingers..













Mummy II told me that when she first met me, I was so cute she couldn't resist 'dognapping' me home for the weekend.. Which I didn't mind at all, because Mummy II gives me lotsa snacks whenever I use my 'super power sucker cuteness' on her, but more of that later..

See my naughty face! I was discovering a bone for the first time.. Didn't amuse me for long though.. cuz I needed to take a piss on the carpet.













Mummy II say that I am fucking 'wai sek'.. Everything she put near my mouth will disappear.. All kinds of rubbish on the floor also disappear.. Once I actually pooped, a plastic piece of garbage.. She say she pengsan..



















My Mummy II say I got killer 'cheh li' eyes.. whatever THAT means.. I guess it must mean that I am handsome/good looking since people named me Handsome..



















This is my signature 'super power sucker cuteness' look.. Don't underestimate it.. because it gets me lotsa snacks.. Always works with my Mummy II and even huge, macho, grown men fall for it.. So, you better watch out Uncle Manson.. cuz you're next.



















It worked... as always..



















That's me.. sleeping.. Mummy II doesn't understand how comfortable sleeping like this is.. Yeah.. I know I am flashing everybody.. but so what? Pee pee oni mah.. as if never seen before..

Mummy II always complain that I snore though.. and well.. I guess I do.. sometimes I snore so loud.. I even wake myself up... (Mummy II says: Yes he does.. he did that this morning... )

Anyhow.. that was then.. when I was still super small... NOW... Mummy II says I'm a fucking fatty.. Due to no fault of my own I must say.. Mummy II keep feeding nice things.. I pai seh to turn down her offers.. Anyway.. my doctor say I am still a growing boy.. can eat more..













Oh.. this is me after a long day of eating, shitting, peeing, eating sumore, terrorizing Mummy II, playing, eating, snacking, shitting, peeing and etc..

Living the life of a pug is tiring ok.. need my beauty sleep..



















Just woke up.. Shit faced.. Enuff said..

Anyway, I am glad that Uncle Manson didn't get butt probed by those fucking indian criminals.. Mummy II says it's ok to call them fucking indian criminals.. because they are bad people.. she calls me fucking naughty too sometimes..

Yaaa... I am naughty... I am bad.. I am Handsome..

So, till then, be careful and be good everybody.

XOXO,
Handsome

Near Death Experience...

First of all..Happy New Year to my most beloved ex-housemates, fcuk buddy & affair partner!!

Its been awhile back now since i last blogged...u know la...busy going through Revolution and Evolution...

Revolution:
From Stone Age to Iron Age...still...no internet..

Evolution:
From "Fatboy" to "Fitboy"...(it is still in progress tho..)

Anyway..what's this blog title has anything to do with my Revolution and Evolution?

It happens somewhere mid December 2007..

I was out with Cherrie and a couple of friends to Bambo9 - some new joint in TTDI Plaza..

It was almost 3 am when i reach home. As i was driving Cherrie's car (no parking permit yet), we have to parked it outside of my apartment. Its around 3 mins walk to the guard house of my apartment. As we get down from our car and start walking, i saw a blue Proton Wira pass us by. I did not suspect anything coz it seems like an ordinary car.

That car made a U-turn (for those who dunno what's a U-Turn, just google it) at about 100 meters in from of us and pass us by again. This time..i noticed 4 motherfucking Indians stare cock at me. Their stares made me feel uncomfortable and so i put on my alert and walk a little faster.

Feeling uncomfortable, i turn around and look again to ensure the car is not what i've suspected.When i turn my head and look, the same car made a U-turn again. This time i know something very wrong is gonna happen and so i told Cherrie (who's a little tipsy..heheh) to walk faster.

True enough, the card sped down towards us and no, it did not crash on us but they stopped in front of us (kinda like blocking our way).

Note: There were 4 mmotherfucking Indians...

When they stopped, the one from the passenger seat (next to the driver) open its door and said "Bang..nak tumpang tanya jalan" = ("bro...can i ask you for some directions?").

When they made their second U-turn and stopped their car in front of us i know that this is not as simple as asking direction furthermore it was 3 am in the morning and so i am ready for the worse to happen - kidnap, rob, sodomy, etc.

My biggest worry was Cherrie as there has been alot of kidnapped cum robbery cum rape cases around.

Before the guy that asked for direction came down, another Indian fuck rush out from the back seat with a iron rod = its those "L" shape iron rod that you use to unscrew those nuts on your tyres.

Anyway, he was coming at us really fast and i have no choice but to asked Cherrie as fast as she can...just run...She did but fell down on the street.

My biggest worry was the guy with the iron rod. I know that if that iron rod got me, its either i'm dead or unconcious. I told myself that i must dodge that iron rod, at least i can still put up a fight should anything worse happened.

As i was dodging, i was cornered by the first Indian guy that asked for directions. It was really scary and of coz i am scared too. The guy was pushing me until i have no room to dodge no more. He threw a punch on my face.

I can tell that the guy with the iron rod was hesitating to used it. But anyway, he was standing in front of Cherrie (who fell on the ground) and he was doing nothing..he didn't take her handbag or kidnapped her...he just stood there with the iron rod.

The moment i got that punch, somehow, i was not scared anymore..somehow..and i was really pissed when i got that blow on my chin. I stood up straight again and i cursed to that fucking Indian with some chinese verbs...He looked surprised, and as i was marching towards him, i tried to punch that fucker but he manage to dodge it. At the same time, Cherrie got up from the ground again and shouted "TOLONG..TOLONG"..(Help..help)..
At the same time again, a big belly malay man came out (with his sarong) and shouted at those indian fucks.

The two fuckers start to back up and ran towards their getaway car and sped off.

There are 3 reasons why they sped off:
1) Someone came out and shouted. Which means that they are being noticed.
2) Amateurs criminals. You can tell by their hesitation, especially that guy with the iron rod.
3) Too long of a time taken to achieve what they wanna do, let it be rob, kidnapped, etc.

With the commotion, some neighbours came down to help us. Since they're gone, so i walk backed to my apartment and the guard asked me what happen.

Those neighbours that came down to lend a helping hand query also. So i told them what happen. These bunch of guys (mixture of singh, indian, chinese) was nice enough to check on me to ensure that i was not slashed or cut or stab or club.

Thank God, nothing happen to Cherrie - just some minor scratch from her fell.

I went to the police station to file a report that very night.

I must say that we were very lucky to have met such amateurs else, i will not be sitting here, smoking my ciggies, sharing my experience, and most of it all, Cherrie is safe with me and always will be.

Maybe an angel was looking after us??..that gave me the strengh to fight back when i got that blow on my chin??..or perhaps the malay guy that shouted WAS the angel??..or perhaps Cherrie's voice of "TOLONG...TOLONG"..scared them???..never know..At the end of it, i just thank god that nothing happen to both of us, especially Cherrie.

So guys, whenever and wherever it is, stay alert always, dun go home so late, should you walk..make it in a group. The place we're in is no longer safe...and i do not want anything to happen to anyone of you guys...

And so here's my near death experience to share.

till my next blog...this is Caveman-in-revolution signing out...

Cherrio..!!..

Rot rot rot...

It’s been a while since some kind soul blogged. And wonder who’s at fault? It has to be none other than the hibernating, cave-wandering, 21st century sakai, Mr. Caveman Chan. As I was pondering bout how our beloved blog is rotting like our mother earth, I suddenly realize that I could actually do something bout it. Not the mother earth part but the blogging part (Don’t get me wrong, I do my part in preserving the earth. Just goggle for more info if ya wanna help too.) So here I am again, trying my very best to rescue/restore our forsaken blog. And how am I gonna do that? I simply blog!

Earlier, I spoke to Juls about our blog and how it would be nice if someone would to do something bout it and not let it continue to rot. *Hint hint. But I guess everyone has run out of inspiration. There I was searching for some form of inspiration so that I can type them down here for all to see but inspiration just won’t come. And so I decided to give y’all a little update on things.

Mr. Chan and I met up two Saturdays ago and we sorta talk about ‘future plans’. No no. Mr. Chan and I are not together though we happened to be affair partners. Plus, affair partners will forever be affair partners. That’s all. Case close. Not sure bout fcuk buddies though. I’ll leave that to Juls to explain.

As I was saying, we were just discussing our individual life plans. His future plans and my future plans – separately. We were saying that at our age, people around us will either be married, planning for their marriage or making babies. Reason for the topic is because; I must say that the last quarter of my 2007 has been occupied by weddings after weddings. Since Sept 2007, I’ve been attending two weddings on average every month all the way till Dec 2007. It’s not only tiring but also very exhausting. Some weddings I look forward to attend but for others I just oblige.

It’s not very often we get to talk bout serious stuff especially not with our Caveman. The information I gathered from him tells me that he’ll be a cherry picker until he’s 30 before he decides on which category he would like to fall into. Maybe skip the marriage part and jump right into making babies? Nah! Don’t think so. Because; our lives are planned out for us in a way. The pattern is the same for most individuals – you’re born, you went to school/college/university, you started working, met the gal/guy of your dreams, get married and have kids, retire and then rot and die. But of course there are certain individuals who decide to stay single forever, jumping from one partner to another, one life to the other and getting there too – grow old, rot and die.

Even with the usual gang, the patterns are similar. We graduated, started working and now, our topic is who’s gonna get married first? Perhaps now we all have something to talk about? Some inspiration we can all write down? A new phase we can all look forward to? And our blog will once again un-rot itself and function well to its fullest capacity!

Until then, here’s ex-housemate no. 2 signing off. Live life to the fullest!

As usual la.. The usual gang of idiots

People say.. "a picture speaks a thousand words".. I say.. "Fuck that!" because.. if you think that is very terror.. then what I am about to tell you will blow your mind.

Ready?

Mr. Chan created a NEW LANGUAGE..

It's called.. Mandonese. It is a hybrid combo of Mandarin and Cantonese. Some might call it bullshit.. some might call it bahasa celup.. But.. I call it a freaking masterpiece..

Though I don't think romanizing it for you here will do it any justice.. cuz for the full impact of Mandonese to take effect you've gotta hear if from the horse's.. I mean.. caveman's.. wait.. no.. I meant... Mr. Chan's mouth.

When spoken, was so mind blowing, that it rendered Jelita, Cherry and myself.. speechless... and then.. it moved us to tears.. tears of laughter that is.. So ok.. Lemme TRY and give u an example of some of the phrases Mr. Chan vocalized for us..

*ahem*..

You can try and verbalize on your own..

It's very simple.. when it reads like Mandarin just say the Mandarin word.. but when you get to Cantonese words.. just add a Mandarin slang to it..

Exhibit A:
"Wo ken ni shuor wha, hui pau huet kun ar!"
I speak to you, vein can explode ar!

Exhibit B:
"Wo de huet ngak ee chee shang, ee chee shang ar!"
My blood pressure keep going up, and up ar!

Exhibit C:
"Ni chu cher ni the lao ma ler!"
You go eat your old mother ler!

Exhibit D:
"Ni chu cher ni ter chun tai ler!"
You go eat your ball sacks/balls/bollocks ler!

These are the only ones I remember.. as for the rest, laugh until roll on floor then forget d..

It'll help if Mr. Chan can help contribute to his Mandonese - English Phrasebook.. But then again... I'm sure in the cave got no internet connection one la.. either that or he's too busy talking to his kids.. Baby Pee and Baby Hehtch...

So.. I guess that's all for now folks..

Oh wait... got one more thing..

Meet my new boyfriend.... haha.. Eat your heart out Mr. Chan!

This blog was brought to you by the letters P, the letter H and the number 5 (that's the number of people in the Usual Gang).

Those were the days...

It has been quite a while now since my last post…(about 6 months??..)..

hey..like I said..”busy ma…”.. = TRUE

and like my housemates said..“cavemen waiting for civilization..” = FALSE

anyway..a little different about this blog as it has nothing to do with my housemates. This is one of my many deprived teenage stories that I find it interesting to share. All these long lost stories came back several days ago during a usual “yam cha” session with my gangs, you know who you are, and for those who don’t, they are as below:

William “the lembu”
Bee “the tallest guy”

and others not mentioned as this blog only relates to the above 2 and myself.

As usual, the few of us, sitting around the café, smoking, drinking (teas and beers), surfing the internet (mostly checking on football odds and betting), checking out friendster and start criticizing other people’s photo (for those who know us, you know how we “criticize”. Yeah…we have a bad mouth but we’re all a bunch of good-hearted charming gentlemen….)

….
…
….
…

No..seriously…we are good-hearted charming gentlemen..

…
…

really…

…
..

anyway…
…
the session started with a some decent talks and as usual..

William: eh..where’s Wai Kin (WK)??
Manson: dunno leh…bee never call meh?
Bee: fuck dude…I forgot..call him and see wanna come out yam cha or not..

It was 10++ pm – close to 11 (I think) and its raining..

William: (calling WK)..oi…apa buat..come to Subang yam cha la..
WK: *mumble..mumble..*
William: haiyah…wussy la..okla..(click *call ended*)
William: the fella say very far and raining and late already wo.. wussy la..
Bee & Manson: yeah…wussy!

William: eh..call Danny also la..
Bee: call la..call la..(busy betting)
William: (calling Danny)..

* just a quick intro on Danny. The outlook of this dude looks like some Japanese (run-dog, sell-country-theif = Direct translation to Cantonese please) male porn star but of coz we know he’s not of those qualities…not even near…but from his outlook you can see that this guy is rugged, not too bad looking, heavily tattoed body, pierced here and there..WOW…macho huh??...that’s what I thought BUT…

William: Danny…kat mana…come out yam cha now..subang..ss15..we’re all here..
Danny: aiyohh…now only you call me ar?...
William: yala..still early mar..come la..
Danny: bro..i just put on my mask la…
William: ……
Danny: hang on dude…let me put on speaker mode…just got fresh cucumber covered on my eyes..

William:……
Bee:……
Me: ……..

Danny:…ahhhh…..refreshing and rejuvenating..hmmm…nice…ok..like I said..i can’t…
William: …(*click…call ended*)
William: we just lost a friend on a tragic incident…
Bee: ….lord safe his soul..
Me: …..as he walk to the valley of the shadow of death…he shall fear no cucumbers…

Anyway…the session carries on with the usual “cock talking, song singing”… and out of the blue, the memories of our *After School Activities* comes back into our mind…the all time favorite “RM4.99” story…

It was back in 1994-5. yeah…10+ years ago…where we’re only Form 3-4 and where a McD’s value meal only cost approximately RM 4.99. Wow … I know…dirt cheap right?

I still remember then…there wasn’t much choice of meals offered:

Big Mac mealMcChicken meal
Fillet-O-Fish meal
Double Cheeseburger meal

That’s all as far as I can recall.

During then, Bee stay in USJ 2, William and I live in SS18. We always meet on the same bus to Subang Parade (it was happening then ok?..Pyramid is still an empty mining pond).

How did we manage to get into the same bus?...soon…

Usually our Subang Parade – value meal project, code name “4.99” occur on Friday as school finish early.

First off, the normal routine in school:

Class >> Class >> peeping >> sleeping >> paper planes >> oogies (just google “oggies” for more info) >> light exercise which includes pulling-the-bra-strap-of-the-girl-in-front-of-you-way-4-5-inches-back-and-let-go 500 meter sprint >> recess activities which includes hitting-your-friend-real-hard-at-the-back-and-run-like-hell round the school in 45 seconds sprint, telling girls dirty jokes, chopping, catching, impressing girls with your FIVE STONE skills after long hours of “in-house un-disclosed” *FIVE STONE* training and so much more.

*riiinnnggggg…..*

school’s over and as usual, loafing around the school gate is compulsory.

William: so so…what to do later?
Bee: dunno lehh
Me: yala..what to do ar?
William: Subang Parade lar..!!..
Bee and Me: JOM!!!...

Together: CUuuuuuuuUuUuuunnNnNNnnn.....

*somehow, every week (Friday especially) we ask the same question and ended up in the same place – Subang Parade, McDonald’s.

Now back to the question on how we manage to get into the same bus? Here it goes:

Once the time to go Subang Parade is confirmed, Bee (being the one staying furthest among us) would call either me or William to let us know that he’s coming out from the house to the bus stop.

Either William or I will inform with each other (depending who Bee calls). William and I would then proceed to the nearest bus stop to wait for the bus that Bee would be in. Timing is crucial here as we could miss or ended up early to Subang Parade before Bee does.

So far, we always ended up in the same bus as Ah Bee would stand near the door to signal us. We know he will not be in the bus if he’s not standing by the door and we will just wait for the next bus.

and THIS is HOW we manage to meet each other on the same bus..
*HIGH FIVE..*

1st Activity:
Once we’re there, the very first stop: McD’s – 4.99 value meal.
- One burger
- One large fries
- One large Coke
Satisfying!!

2nd Activity:
What other than playing “catching” in Subang Parade?!...classic…

Location:
1) Subang Parade itself
2) Toys R’ Us

3rd Activity
Sword fighting in Toys R’ Us.

After intensive of catching and chasing each other, nothing is more relaxing than some ”sword fighting” via baseball bats. You know how toys r’ us used to sell baseball bats ranging from those metal ones, wood, plastic with assorted sizes. Each of us would choose a piece – usually plastic as it is more quiet compare to wood or metal ones and of coz..less painful

“draw your swords…begin…”…the competition would last until some Toys R’ Us personnel walk by or caught our action via CCTV and would warn us.

Finale:
Ok now that we cannot conclude who’s the real sword master..let’s go home la…almost time for dinner lo…

Usually, we will walk all the way from Subang Parade back to our home as to wait for a bus will take a million years..

Bee would normally join us too. Half way down the road –

PIT STOP: what else but cendol and rojak – For those who stay in Subang would know this Cendol and Rojak stall in SS15. I dunno what makes this rojak stall so famous. Every fucking day, ppl line up in hot sun, fucking hot like 40 degrees hell burning HOT!!..Ppl still line up. Under any whether conditions, still..ppl would line up…I’m not talking about a queue of 5 or 6 but like 15 to 20!!!...

It was reported that some of their customer’s were blown away during a heavy down pour in Subang once.

Casualties = 6, Missing = 2, Other = got their Rojak..

Anyway, we were there lining up too..

Me: eh..dinner soon la..cendol enuff la…ONE CENDOL pls..
Bee: yala….One for me too..
William: aiseh…one where got enuff lar..BOSS…DUA KASI….BESAR..TAMBAH PULUT…

*sluurrrpppp……* ahhhh…*burp..* nice…

the journey continues…

William: dude…wait….fuck man..i dun feel good la..(already squatting down next to the drain..)
Bee: must be the TWO CENDOL BESAR la…serves u right..
William: feel like puking lehh…*buurrppp..*..shit…
Me: HAHAHHHA>>.
Bee: HAHAHAHAH..
Me: eh how la..faster la…dinner starting dee la…how you fe…(before I could finish my sentence..)

William: *YYaaaaAaaAakKkkKkkk….* = all the green cendols, the “jagungs”, the red beans, and some pulut (RICE) gushing out from his throat and some from the nostril with some greenish-half digested-worm-look-alike-cendol hangin’ there.…

Bee and Me: FUCK…!!!...HAHAHAHAHAHH,..

William: hahahahhaha…..ohhh…oooo…* YyaaaAaAaAkkkKkkKkk….*

After some intense vomiting, the journey continues…

First to go off..me..
Second, William
and Third, Bee.

He will take a bus home as his house is getting too far for his feet..

This is only the beginning of our journey..

Stay Tune for “Friday Night Outing”..

Till next blog, this is “the-no-longer-caveman Caveman” signing off..

An update for Mr. Caveman Cherry Picking Chan

So time flies as always. Another month passed without much happening for the three ex-housemates. Though world’s apart, they continue to keep the friendships going. Just the other day, Juls reminded Je about how weird their ‘threesome’ relationship turns out to be.

Juls: Come to think of it… We’re not really best friends but yet at the same time, we just get each other. Even after we don’t so each other for a long time.
Je: Uh-huh. Otherwise we won’t call ourselves idiots right?
Juls: Haha! What weird relationships we have. Come together only like we never left Perth.
Je: That’s what makes us one of a kind.
Juls: It’s like we’ll know what each other will say next.
Je: Awww….
Juls: Awww… so mushy.
Je: Isnt’ life wonderful?
Juls: So touching.
Je: Yeah.
Juls: Wanna go touch Mr. Chan now?
Je: Sure.
Juls: This kinda friendship can last forever.
Je: Mr. Chan doesn’t realize what he’s missing.
Juls: Oh yeah. The last I heard he’s gone cherry picking.
Je: Yeah right. He’s homeless now so he roams the street to find walls to draw. We call it vandalism. He calls it art.
Juls: Haha! That’s so mean. But I like.

And so it was for poor Caveman Cherry Picking Chan, homeless as his cave is flooded with the downpour that happened not too long ago.

Wonder why we always pick on Caveman Cherry Picking Chan? Call 1-800-I’m Caveman, the Cherry picker to find out more.

Anyway, recently some ‘intruder’ visited Juls in BJ. If you remember from the previous blogs, there was an intruder besides the three housemates. I mean four housemates. This ‘intruder’ likes to surf. Drop a glass of water on the floor and you see him jumping for it with or without his suit. He did not go to BJ just to see Juls but to work.

Before he even gets to BJ, he drops Juls a few sms-es asking her to meet up with him. And Juls, being the nice lady politely refuse him. The day of his arrival came and Juls found out from him that he’s just staying at the hotel near her workplace. And again, he asks Juls if she free to meet up.

Intruder: Hi! Free to catch up?
Juls: Very busy. Don’t think so.
Intruder: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you stay over at my place and we can catch up all night long.
Juls: Wow! That’s wonderful. No! What do you take me for? What? Stay over? So easy? You think I work 'part time' at night as well? Beijing got a lot fo pretty girl go find yourself one?
Intruder: Sorry. I didn’t mean anything from my invitation. What u thinking? I just thought since during the day you not free can catch up at night ma
Juls: Oh pls! I know you too well! You’re not that simple. Don’t hide behind being nice when you are a wolf in sheep’s skin.
Intruder: Could you please relax?
Juls: No I can't relax... cuz it's u.. and knowing u... it’s not that simple.. Gosh some things never change.. still dunno the meaning of respect.
Intruder: Like I said, I did not mean anything.
Juls: There are many ways to meet up.. I dun have to stay over!

Flashback:
Intruder and Juls were once ‘room mates’ in good ol’ Perth. They had a contract or some sort. “We stay together happily for now and we go separate ways after Perth”. Because of the contract, whatever the Intruder wants, Juls will give, including washing his undies and bringing his slippers. The rest of us housemates couldn’t say anything to her as she enjoys doing all that. But, something happened after we left Perth and they never did meet up or catch up or keep in touch until recently of course.

Juls have moved on in her life. Move to a new place, not forgetting a new country, single. And the Intruder found out that she’s in BJ and single took the opportunity to fly there for ‘work’ but in actual fact, he wants to ‘catch up’ with Juls. He believes that it’s fate that the company has to send him over to BJ to work for a month. And he believes that he could patch things up with Juls. Fat chance! At least for now.

Since the Intruder couldn’t get through to Juls, he decided to talk to Je about it.

Intruder: Hey, she super sensitive man i will not be meeting Juls anymore freaking irritated by her! Asked her if she day time not free maybe if she dun mind can come over stay for a nite. Then she say I dun respect her and say I not that simple.
Je: Why did you invite her to stay over at your place in the first place?
Intruder: No lah I invited her coz she keep saying she very busy. My bed so big.
Je: Eh, hello. She is a girl la. What kinda message you sending to her by inviting her over to sleep on your very big bed?
Intruder: But I already said I’m sorry mar.
Je: Well yeah. But she’s already offended by you.
Intruder: Then just forget it. I’ll treat her like she never exists.
Je: Ok lor. If you say so.
Intruder: Then what are you suggesting?
Je: I’m not suggesting anything. You said you wanna treat her like she doesnt’t exist, so be it.
Intruder: All I ever wanted is to keep in touch with her. Just wanna catch up. Why she has to treat me like that?
Je: Some times when someone is hurt, the scars remain forever.
Intruder: I’ll drop her a message later. If she still cari pasal, I’ll just forget it.
Je: Up to you.

Of course Juls came to know of the whole story she was super pissed. Well, all these issues are part of life. Or else, there’s nothing else to blog about. No gossips, no stories, no nothing. Life would be extremely boring talking about Camel only.

So here it is, another update from the three idiots.

Until next time, this is “caught in between” signing off. Be good boys and girls!

The Simple Life

It’s been a while since someone actually blog something. At the moment, it seems like only Juls and myself are keeping the blog alive. I wonder why?

Nothing much happened since Juls’ last blog. Camel is still as camel as can be. Mr. Cherry Berry Chan is still stuck in some forsaken caveland praying for civilization so that someday he can have access to some Internet connection. We’ve stopped sending hate mail to him knowing that he’ll probably take another century before he gets to read those messages.

Anyway, here’s an update:

Apr
Both Mr. Chan and I attended a close friend’s engagement party at this place called Marketplace where people who love doing marketing meet together to discuss on the best place to go marketing. The place is kinda hidden. It’s one of those places where you don’t really want people to know where you are. But don’t get me wrong, our close friend is really decent. She’s just a bit twisted in the head that’s all.

So, before the party, both Mr. Chan and I went hunting for pressie. I mean it's not nice to attend a close friend's engagement party empty handed. After picking him up from him house, he told me that he has lost his wallet.

Mr. Chan: Pukimek I lost my wallet. Technically.
Je: When? Where?
Mr. Chan: At this bank in 15 la. I only realise that I lost it as I was driving on the main road d. Then I U-turn balik to look for it. I found my wallet but they money I just withdrew... Gone! I asked the nearby security guard and he said "tak tau". I suspect he took it!
Je: Aiyoh... But the good thing is your IC and everything else is there?
Mr. Chan: But I took out the rest of my money from the bank. So now, I'm penniless.
Je: Aww... so poor thing.

We arrived at 1-U not long after the sad news and started our shopping. We went to this shop called Ruums and checked out some of their items.

Mr. Chan: Eh, you think she would like a Dildo?
Je: For what? That could be an insult ok. She's got her husband mar.
Mr. Chan: Oh yeah. What bout some hand cuffs? Or dog chain? Or... eh check this out... Chocolate spray? Coool!!
Je: .....
Mr. Chan: Look at this police uniform... Got holes all over it... What you think?
Je: I think I'll get there for you when you are engaged.
Mr. Chan: Promise arr. Thanks!
Je: How bout these pillow cases? They need to sleep anyway.
Mr. Chan: "I like your fat ass”. Eh eh… how’s this? Boleh?
Je: No.
Mr. Chan: “Lick me”. Eh eh.. this one speaks about her man. Haha!
Je: …
Mr. Chan: “Make love not war”
Je: That sounds a bit more decent.
Mr. Chan: She not so decent lor.
Je: Well ya but her husband is.
Mr. Chan: Ok lor. Who pay arr?

Well, knowing that Mr. Chan is penniless, Je did the right thing.

After paying for it we decided to go for a drink.

Je: Wei, I buy you drink la you no money.
Mr. Chan: Can you buy me lunch, dinner and supper as well?
Je: ……

Not long after that came the day of the party.

The party was pretty cool. The couple and the people there were pretty cool too, especially when they invited people like us to the party. Ahheeemmm!! Except for erm… camel. Well, she got invited to the party as well together with her partner, who sat with us all night listening to our bull-shit stories. Mr. Chan was absolutely delighted to see her there. I mean, after such a long time. It’s good to see some really old flame, catch up a lil and who knows…..

We also managed to catch up with other old friends, in particular this one person whose name is… let’s call her ‘S’ who ended up talking bull-shit stuff with Mr. Chan all night long. That really kept us entertained the whole night long.

E.g. of a bull-shit conversation is as below:

Mr. Chan: Eh, I heard arr… someone is still bujang lapuk arr… (Referring to his old flame)
S: Bujang lapuk? Please more like bujang reput la! You blind is it?
Mr. Chan: Am-Bank mar…. *theng theng theng theng theng theng theng theng

Also, Mr. Chan recalled a conversation he had with S earlier that week. More like a prank call he did on her:

Mr. Chan: (Disguising as someone else) Hello is that Miss S? The platinum card you applied for is ready… Kindly pick it up at our bank located at….
S: Wait a min. I did not apply for any platinum card. What kind of bank is that? Do you give your card away freely?
Mr. Chan: We are a decent bank. I have your application form right in front of me and you signed it. I can fax it right back to you.
S: When did I apply? Are you sure it’s not forged? Who was the sales person?
Mr. Chan: I’m sorry ma’am; I’m only in charge of calling the customer. But if you would like, I can give you my supervisor’s name and telephone number.
S: (Sounding really pissed now) Give it to me now!
Mr. Chan: His name is spelled: M.A.N.S.O.N. C.
S: Manson Chan Keng Yew!!! F**k man!!

During the bull-shit session, camel was seen busy ‘entertaining’ the guests as though it’s her engagement party. She went round taking photos of people and once in a while she’ll interrupt the session, “Come come, take picture….” “Stand up la” “You and Mr. Chan take together…” “Come group photo, group photo…” Till today, I've not seen single photo that she took on that night.

Her partner was seated together with us that whole time and once in a while he’ll give a comment or two as she went round ‘entertaining’ the guests. At times he simply appeared to be non-existent. Poor guy.

That’s the highlight for April.


May
I was away at Cameron Highlands for some company thing. It’s a yearly affair where people get together to eat, drink and be merry. We’ve got everything planned out perfectly until when we got there because it rained day and night the whole time we were there. Hence, we have to do more indoors than outdoors. But the good thing was I still get to enjoy my tea and scones at the Smokehouse and subsequently at the BOH tea plantation. It was a good time to relax to a certain extend.

There were a few interesting events that captured my attention. On the way to Cameron, we stop at this rest house to pee and rest. My colleague found a wallet belonging to someone else with some money and a torn photograph in it. Initially he was thinking of taking it and that he was lucky to be able to find money to spend at Cameron. But being a civilized person, I told him not to take it due to a few reasons: The person could be looking for it, a curse could follow the person who took it (the torn photograph) and it’s bad to take things that do not belong to you. He reluctantly put it back. I took a picture of it. Feel free to view it:





On the way down from Cameron, we stopped at an Orang Asli hut as my colleague was really interested in taking a picture of the old and traditional looking house. When asked if he could take a picture, the Orang Asli asked for money and in return will pose for the photographer like a professional model. With his dark looking feature and short and stubby body, we pass.

Not long after that incident, we saw some girls holding umbrellas squatting by the side of the road. Curious to know what’s going on, we stopped the car and got down to find that the girls were actually releasing themselves. My boss tried to take a picture of them but to no avail. Too bad, Mr. Chan no photos of pretty girls releasing themselves behind the bushes. All you get is this:

Phtographer in action

That’s the highlight for May.


June
Too early to talk bout it right now but I’m sure Juls will have lots to tell after erm… I shall leave the story to the story-teller.

Until next time, be good boys and girls!

Cobwebs, crickets, moths & spiders

I was having a no-brainer week... Golden Week just finished and I was having an extra one week off because I was sleeping with the boss.. haha.. kidding..

Anyway, I was having an extra one week off because my mom was around and yeah.. like I said earlier.. I was having a no-brainer week... until this.....

jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:31 PM)
wei
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:42 PM)
can i suggest that u blog?
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:46 PM)
coz our blog got cobweb d
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:59 PM)
and got crickets living in there
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:41:06 PM)
moths and spiders too
Julie says: (8:31:21 PM)
wahhhh why me?
jeli® (林华诗) says: (8:31:42 PM)
coz u r the freest among all
Julie says: (8:32:42 PM)
meanie!!!
Julie says: (8:32:57 PM)
get mr chan to blog la...
jeli® (林华诗) says: (8:33:07 PM)
i think when he does
jeli® (林华诗) says: (8:33:14 PM)
the blog will b moldy d
Julie says: (8:33:16 PM)
...
Julie says: (8:33:28 PM)
ok ok.. i will blog... but just because u asked so politely

and so.. here I am.. trying to rummage my mind for something remotely interesting to blog about. Lemme tell ya... it's not very successful.

Hmm... since I can't really think of anything.. I shall give everybody a rundown on what has been happening in my life for the past two months or so... good? Well, not good also no choice..

Sometime in March
Got a new addition to the household..
It is white, battery operated, it vibrates and keeps me entertained for hours..
No.. Mr. Chan.. it is not a vibrator...
It is the Nintendo Wii.. no... the machine does not vibrate.. the controllers do..
I must say.. this little thing full of fun and surprisingly cheap.. cheaper than the PS3 actually.
With the Wii, you can actually play tennis, golf, bowling, boxing and baseball.. all requires actual game skills, i.e. for tennis you must know how to do your back swings, smashes, fore hands and so on and so forth..
A whole lotta fun and it provides a rather tiring workout too... really..


April 15th
My mom came to visit.

May 30th
The start of the Golden Week in China (it's actually an extended Labour Day holiday).
During this week, we took my mom to the Great Wall of China and the Summer Palace.. the Great Wall was quite good... but the Summer Palace was marred by the shitloads of people and the bright, hot, sun.. so.. didn't enjoy the Summer Palace, we'll probably go there again during the dead of winter... so that we can have the place all to ourselves.

May 8th
Back to work... but not for me.. I'm still on holiday for a week.. haha.. Did nothing but bum around and chill... Also caught up on all my series, like Lost, Desperate Housewives and Heroes.. Also discovered a new comedy group, called the Axis of Evil.. (Je, Mr. Chan go download... not as funny as Russell Peters... but still quite funny. Oh wait.. Je, go download.. then pass to Mr. Chan.. I think in the cave got no broadband, right?)

May 11th
Je's request for me to blog came through.. so am now blogging.

June & beyond
I think we are all waiting for some drama to happen in the month of June, yes? Well, I'll blog about it when it happens... or doesn't happen.. whichever.. for now.. this will have to do... although.. I do hope that the caveman or the bride-to-be will blog.. even though it might consist of primitive drawings on a cave wall.. or a whole list of themed weddings such as Hawaiian, Indian, Bangali, Bangla (oh.. no.. this one reserved for someone else), Arabian (eh.. wait.. this one also reserved di).. and so on...

Till then... this is the free-est ex-housemate of all.. signing off.

Fat Boy

Everyone is hinting that I must blog or else I sin against them. So, here's my blog.

No doubt Chinese New Year came and went by quickly, but some memories lived on somehow. I'm sure many years from now, we'll all look back at our silliness and we'll probably wonder why we did what we did.

Mr. Cherry Berry Chan is trying to redeem himself by writing a long blog. Well, he did kinda redeem himself. Both Juls and I are very forgiving and so we thought maybe we should give the poor fella another chance. Just when we thought we could drop the whole 'nickname' idea, something else came along.

Remembering Juls' blog about our CNY gathering where we took some obscene pictures, mostly caressing and molesting Mr. Cherry Berry Chan, there's one particular picture that I really like: Both Juls and I touching, molesting Mr. Cherry Berry Chan. I like the fact that the three of us took the picture together. I like the fact that Mr. Chan looks like he's high or something. I like that fact that we're all happy together. I mean not literally but well, we're just happy. That picture is stuck on my mobile phone wallpaper since the day we took that picture. Nothing much happen for a while. Work began and life is back to normal again. Duties to fulfill, deadlines to meet and not to mention, sleepless nights.

One day, while discussing a new project with one of my colleagues, he decided to play with my mobile phone as we're out of ideas. All of a sudden, he exclaimed loudly, "Oh my gosh!! What the f**k did you do?" I was like... what's wrong with this guy? Did he just see a ghost while holding my mobile?

Colleague: That poor fat boy! What did you girls do to him?
Je (not looking at him): What what?? Could you please keep it down, I'm trying to concentrate here.
Colleague: Look here. Your mobile.
Je: What about it?
Colleague: You girls... you and your friend molesting the fat boy....
Je: What did you call him??
Colleague: And both of you looked really happy doing it.
Je: ......
Colleague: Did the fat boy cry?
Je: (Couldn't hold it in any longer) Hahahahahaha!!!
Colleague: Laugh some more.
Je: First of all, he is not fat though he did put on some fair bit of weight. Secondly, he simply enjoyed the company ok. We did not make him cry or anything. He made us do what we did...
Colleague: Hahahaha!!! I wished I'm in his position....
Je: And thirdly, I'll tell him about this new nick name. I din realize he'll be called a fat boy!! Hahahaha!! And please, if you are in that fat boy's position, no one's gonna go near you, ok?
Colleague: ........
Je: Juls is gonna like this, man!!

So we continued with our disucssion for a while. The whole time I thought about the 'fat boy' and how he'd love his new nickname.

Finally, my discussion is over. I went back to my place and quickly drop Juls a message on her msn. She replied me much later but it's ok. I told her about my encounter with my colleague and about the fact that Mr. Cherry Berry Chan got a new nickname that suits him well. Not that he's really that fat but u you know, he has more fats than any of us put together. Again, I'm not implying that he's fat though when he walks the floor beneath him shakes. And he's so big that he blocks the sun from shinning. Look, I'm not even suggesting that he's fat just err... a little bigger than the rest of us.

After talking to her about it, I decided to blog about it. Thanks to Juls who advise me so wisely about what to do with the latest information that I receive about our new 'fat boy' nickname.

And so, my blog is finally complete. Till next time, take care of yourself and of each other.....

I'm Back Again....

Friday: Was on leave. 8.55 in the morning. Nothing to do..nothing’s on TV either..no I dun have a fridge yet. So I turn on the computer with the hopes of no hatred mail from my fellow housemates – Juls and Je for not being online and most of all for not being blogging…their hate mail can be nasty. Examples below
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hate mail from Juls.
Cc: Je

Hey there…how’s things?..oh yea..i blog..so check it out. And Mr Cherry Berry Chan?..we have not heard from you…no blog..no email…what are you trying to prove?...you wanna die?..DO U WANNA DIE??..I’LL KILL YOU!!...I’LL MURDER YOU…!!..yes I might be in china but I have CONNECTIONS!!...i’ll FUCKING rip your balls off and roll it to Beijing…and cut off your DICK and feed the dog in BEIJING!!..

From Beijing with Love,
Juls.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hate mail from Je
Cc: Juls

Hey Juls…your blog was so darn funny good one..!!..and yea Mr Chan..what happen to you lar??...when are you gonna blog? Or you dun intend to??...try not blogging by end of March 2007…I’ll shove a baseball bat up your ass!!..I’LL ASK EUGENE TO FUCK YOU…!!!...oh wait…you and Eugene will probably enjoy that..I’LL FUCKING BLEND YOUR DICK AND DRINK IT like a cocktail and call it BLOODY DICKY!!...you know I am capable of that!!...I’LL FUCKING PUT A 6’inch SCREW AND SCREW IT UP YOUR PEE HOLE..!!...you feeling it??...you feeling the pain now??..YOU FEELING ME??!!!..

With lots of love,
Je

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I’m blogging now…

Friday: Was on leave. 9.15 in the morning. “..we came to see the mOBSCENE..i know it isn’t your scene…it’s better than a sex scene…yeah it’s so fucking OBSCENE..OBSCENE yeeeeaaaa….” – what else…a Marilyn Manson song playing from my machine while I was wondering what the fuck is happening with my modem, connection, bla bla..trying to fix it but nothing works…

Friday: Was on leave. 9.40 in the morning. Gave up…when to the balcony with my cup of morning tea…light up a ciggy…clad only with my simpson boxie…(yea..if you can remember..yup..the one from Perth, Australia, MATE!)..Watching the cars or perhaps people who wakes up at late and rushing to work…sardine buses speeding like “shuey”..

“tsk tsk…poor fellows…rushing to work…get sardined in the bus..*sluuuuurrrppps..* ahhh…tsk tsk…sigh…that’s why..wake up late summore…tsk tsk…typical Malaysians….*slluuuurrrrpppss..*

At 10.00am. Decided to call up streamyx to give them a “go”…just for boredom sake..

”tuut…tuut”…

“welcome to TM….bla bla..press 1 for English…2 for hokkien…3 for hakka…4 for mandarin…(then there was a pause of silent….then It goes again..)..no..there’s no selection for malay language as they are too fucking STUPID..press 0 to go back to the main menu if you’re too slow to catch what I’ve just said..”

“wow”..i thought….

Out of curiosity, I press 0..”I knew it…u gotta be a malay…I’m sorry..we dun speak ur language but if u’re smart enuff to understand English..press # to proceed…and if ure not a malay..press * “

This is some good shit…again..out of curiosity..”press #”

“tuut tuut….nombor yang anda dial…teleh ditamatkan perkhimatannya…harap maklum..”..(there was a silent pause again before I heard some “giggles” and “whispers”…)

“giggles = heheheh….keke…*cough cough..*..he he he…

”whispers” = I though I heard someone whispered..”shhh…shh…dun laugh so loud..else they know that someone is here fucking em’ up..”..

Shortly after the “whispers”… “Press * if you’re still on the line….HAHAHAHA”

It’s proven that those behind the calls are racist…I likeee….*high Five*..

Friday: Was on leave. 10.10 in the morning. I follow the instruction given by the automated operator and finally reach their technical operator.

“Hello good morning .. my name is Amin. Welcome to streamyx technical careline. How can I assist you this morning?”

“yea baby…can u lick my balls..ermmm..they so sweaty and huge..emmmm”

“I’m sorry sir?..”

”wanna touch your tongue to mine?”..

“….”

“sigh…anyway…My name is Manson…my report number…bla bla bla …I made this report like 2 months ago and still my line is not up yet..care to explain why?..what the hell is wrong with u ppl??..- a soft whisper..”wanna taste my asshole?”

“OK sir please hold while…”

”hold??....HOLD??...i’ve been holding onto my balls for 2 fucking months without this fucking line…do u know what are they calling me out there??...have you seen the mails they sent to me??!!”

“I’m sorry sir but..”

”YOU HAVE NO IDEA how it feels like …NOOO…NOOOOOOO….”

”ok sir…u have to calm down..”

”I AM CALM…they’ve been calling me nameesss….NAMMEESSSS…..CAVEMAN…BERRIES…CHERRY PICKER…I HAD ENUFFF…..GIMME ME MY FUCKING LINE…”

anyway…after the above “hoo haa”..My line was up and running the next day…and now..

I’M BACK!!!...HAHAHAHA….ahem..

OK now…I know there’s lots of catching up to do at my side on the blog..and there’s lots of update to be posted too…

Let’s talk about CNY (Chinese New Year..Gong Xi Fatt Chai…Tahun Baru Cina..got it?)…yea…refer to the Beijing Girl’s blog..we had a small little gathering at my *crib on the first day of CNY…and please welcome the new member of the family..Ms Cherrie Berry Strawberry Raspberry Wong…ermm…I mean… Cherrie Wong..sorry baby..

*crib = pigeon hole.

not those as seen on MTV k??..

Anyway..we had the usual…Red wine…white wine..snacks snacks and more snacks and some pics..(refer to the Beijing Girl’s blog). I swear..it was the CNY heat + wine that made up those poses.

The equation:

1st day of CNY + red wine (white wine)2 + Snacks * THE CNY HEAT / boredom = some-really-nasty-poses.

Anyway..it was all good. Its more like a custom to us. Dun you think?..or maybe we can make it as one. Every CNY, we will crash at somebody’s house and repeat the above equation again. It’s good to see the Beijing Girl again after her months of prostitution in Beijing. She’s number 4 now in Beijing!...*high Five*… As for Je…same ol same ol…I can see her whenever I wan … affair partner mar…

As for me…same ol same ol (still the hunk…only with some extra layer of fats on the tummy but it’s all good…)

After Je, it was my turn to invade the Phuket island. It was my CNY holiday. 3rd day of CNY, took off to phuket. Overall it was a great trip. Nice beaches with ugly bitches.

Was there for 4 days 3 nights. Just nice…SAWADEEKAP!

The field report as follows:

Gettin ready in the airport..

Where's the damm plane?

1St Day in Phuket:

As we walk out from the airport, we saw this lady (maybe a man…can’t tell yet) holding up this huge ass sign which says “Evon Cheok”. That’s it…that’s us…and still couldn’t tell the difference whether the “lady” was a “HE”. OK..to make things simple..lets call her a IT. OK OK…let’s address IT as she.

And she was our tour guide.

Alright..off we go. Load our stuff to the tour van. We have to separate our group into 2 vans – there’s 15 of us. So the first stop…of course..FOOD as we are all hungry..and by the way…She was a HE and now He’s a She with still a little of He in She. Her name is May. Whatever…

The food … seriously..i dunno what the heck I was eating but for sure its beehoon lar..that she-male tour guide order for us. The cooking was slow and the heat in the so-call restaurant was unbearable. We help ourselves to the fridge and whack few bottles of their local beer…..aaaaaaAaAAAaaahhhHhHHh….refreshing…but the food was still bad. Again, we know we could not rely on that he-bitch, so we took the initiative to shut her mouth and order ourselves…TOM YAM …hahaha…and man..it was good..most of you guys know me that I do not take spicy food (please note that by not consuming spicy food does not makes me a sissy, pansy, wussy, pussy or anything equivalent to a faggot, softy, etc…) but this TOM YAM has the SIAM in it…it was good.

Anyway..food’s over…settled the bill..off we go to another place where they plan to slit our throat and let us bleed to death. May – the she-male tour guide brought us to this huge-ass jewelry store where they sell diamonds, diamonds, and diamonds. Us being us, did not bother about those diamonds, instead, we wander around the place. Anyway, May lead us to the retail hall where they have counters – similar to those we have in Poh Kong, Tiffany, D & P. The cool thing is that behind each counter has an aquarium – so big..like bigger than big big..and me and my gang was like….

”wooooo…check out those fish!!!...”..huh??..what diamond?..where??...ohh look…that’s the biggest eel I’ve ever seen in my life!!..”

TOTALLY did not give a fuck to those diamonds…we can’t afford it anyway..

Off we go again to another place where they sell loads of nuts…all types of nuts…ground nut, almond nut…nut nut…nutheads…nut balls…etc…supposed another tourist attraction spot again?..anyway..they offered free drinks and this is the only thing that motivates us to go in to have a look. Nothing much…just a bunch of nuts…

Off we go again to … the hotel…GOD..FINALLY!

The hotel ain’t some 5-star stuff but nice and clean enuff to sleep…that’s what the rooms are for anyway when ure on a vacation…to sleep.

Check in. check out our rooms…leave our bags..HIT THE STREET!!..

Only 4 of us hit the street actually. The rest we in their respective room either resting, fucking their chiqs or bathing. Couldn’t care less..the 4 of us..

First stop..7-11. Man…I’m telling ya…Phuket is manifested with 7-11s. Grab this huge ass Heineken from the fridge for only 550 baht. And that’s like 5.50 ringgit??...

*high Five*..

Foo Kor: mahai…guess how much this shit is??..
Manson: how much lar??..
Foo Kor: 550 baht!
Manson: shit..that’s like…
Billy: 5.50 ringgit…
Manson & Billy: *high Five*
Damien: shit…I’m gonna be so drunk…
Foo Kor: …this way people…to the massage parlour!!..
Manson & Damien & Billy: SAWADEEKAP!!..

OK..dun get any wrong ideas here. Its purely genuine massage parlour by some “aunties”. Result = bone breaking satisfaction.

Dinner was the usual = thai food. Again, the tom yam was superb
After dinner, we wonder around the street of “Patong Beach”. Niiicceeeeee….full with pubs and pretty “she-males”…I mean..pretty ugly…

We came across this pub which has some thai chiqs dancing erotically on the table..wow..dress in nurse uniform, student uniform…mmmm.mmm…makes me wanna play “doctor doctor”..and so without hesitation, we invade that pub and ordered a round of beers…
There are men on the street promoting all sorts of entertainment..:

Thai 1: a-go-go bar…nice girls..come come see..
Thai 2: tiger show..come come…
Manson: tiger as in like the zoo??..
Thai 2: no no…tiger show from preeti gals..shooting ping pong..open beer bottle..
Manson: ohhh..THAT tiger…thanks.

After some light drinking, we decided to go back to the hotel to rest a little..shower to freshen up before “round 2”. The girls decided to stay back in the hotel as they were too tired to walk. Girls staying back and only guys going out = LUST!!!....

Hahaha…again..we go back to that stretch of HOLY PUBS and came across this particular pub (can’t remember what it’s called) which they have a podium right at the entrance with 4 girl-look-alike chiq dancing..again…erotically…so we stop by…no no…we did not go into the pub instead we just stand in front of the door and watching those so called “girls” doing their thing..One of them flashes her tits at us…and we were like … DAMM…CAN’T SEE LAR....

I took out my K800i – Cybershot with 3.2 megapixel camera phone (show off) and recorded their moves and hoping she will flash her tits again. After waiting for like 2 minutes…still nothing happen. I told my friend to provoke her to show her tits so I can capture it in video mode..and he DID!!...

That bastard went upclose and took off his shirt and start squeezing his own tits and it WORKS!!!...she did it again!!..ahhah..We end up spending like 15 minutes standing there watching. The she-male that flash her tits came down from the podium to take a break and my friend (the one who flashes his tits to them) buy her a flower. She was pleased and agreed to take some picture with us!!.....

*high Five*..!!...

When it was my turn to take picture, out of nowhere, another numb-skull she-male interrupts and insist to have a picture taken with her too….and she flash her tits…

*highFive*…!!..anyway..we tip her for taking photo with us…

It was almost 3am in the morning on our first night in Phuket. The rest of the guys decided to head back to the hotel. That left 4 of us…with nothing much else to do…we took a “tuk tuk” to the one and only 24 hours McDonald’s. After the meal, we thought of going for some massage again but I told them that another round of massage will see us on wheelchair and Fillet o’Fish flying out from our mouth. So we head back to the hotel, help ourselves with 1 of 4 bottles of MOET champagne that we bought in the airport and call it a night!...

Not too much of a “LUST” night out eh??..

2nd Day in Phuket: To be continue….
3rd Day in Phuket: Coming Soon…
4th Day in Phuket - FINALE: Coming Soon…

This is “Not-the-Caveman-anymore-and-I-blog!!!” signing out.

PS: Sorry lar people..i tried to put in more pics but the streamyx connection makes me wanna call "Amin" from TMnet again...so..i'll add it more pics...maybe tomorrow??..

Love of my life

It was a long time coming... I guess it was inevitable.

I might as well come clean.

I think you guys kinda knew it would happen sooner or later, I mean, to be so close, yet not have anything happen is kinda impossible.

So.. yeah.. I let it happen.

Erm... I hope you guys don't get too disappointed with me.. I mean, I tried to not yield to my desire and feelings.. but I couldn't help it.. I just couldn't. And trust me.. I held out for so long.. So I hope you guys gimme some credit.

Anyhow, here's a picture of the new love in my life...

His name is Mackie. I got the white one..

Shiok.. am gonna rape him now. Oh wait... am raping him now by blogging.. hahaha...

Woo hoo!

Starstruck

Bumped into this fella one day.. Just had to brag about it.. Hehe..

Gong Hei Fart Choy

Chinese New Year came and went.. it was rather unenventful, with the exception of the first day of CNY. Why? What happened? Well, we went to Mr. Chan's house a.k.a Mr. Caveman to drink and Chor Tai Ti.

The mischief we all got into there remains legendary and here are the pictures.. I don't suggest viewing them before a meal or right after, cuz you might just lose ur appetite.. or worse.. lose ur expensive dinner or lunch.



The day started with drama.. we caught Mr. Chan and Eujin in a very compromising position.. So being the responsible Malaysian citizens that we are, the girls took pics to prove that we could be very good Mat Skodings.


When accused of indecent behaviour, Mr. Chan simply does a 'Sebastion' and denies it all with a flick of the hand, accompanied with a very sultry.."Where got?".


So.. seeing that Mr. Chan is so... erm... 'easy'... the girls took advantage of it all and decided to get down and dirty too.


Mana tau, Eujin also want a piece of the action... and erm.. as u can tell.. one of us was kinda reluctant to participate.


But.. a little hug from Mr. Chan, the King of Sleaze, made it all better.


Then Eujin also want... so nevermind.. put divider.


The Mat Skodings also had to take a picture together mah.. so that the ruling Mat Skoding government up north will know who to reward.


A full family portrait of the Mat Skodings and the guilty ones.. just to make sure.

All in all.. it was a very Happy Chinese New Year and damn fun too.

Note: All the Mat Skoding comments are meant only as a jest, no assholes were penetrated during the phototaking of this blog.

How bout some good old abuse?

Found this on The Star Online day before yesterday. Hilarious.

Missing In Action

Well, we kinda take turns to be MIA. First it was Juls then it was Mr. Chan and then it was me and not forgetting Mr. Chan again (Oh did I mention that Mr. Chan is into “fruits” lately? That’s why he’s constantly MIA. Haha!). But, Juls said that I still got hope and so I'm living up to her expectations. It's time to blog again. So what's been happening?

Let’s see... I think I need to back date slightly. After Juls has left for good ol' Beijing, I finally completed my MBA studies. Did I mention that it came out in the papers? Yeah, both The Star and the The Sun. My colleague picked it up and posted it on the notice board for everyone to see. No big deal. I mean graduating is one thing. Making full use of what I've learnt is another. So... life is back to normal again after killing myself for two years with my studies and work.

So… First of all, it took me a long while to get used to not having Juls and Mr. Chan on msn. Awww... No more constant updates and gossips. Man, what a lonely planet. Some people did ask me bout the two of them. Well, to some I said they've eloped and to others I simply say work.

Since they're gone I mean not literally but still... I've decided to find my own entertainment. No no. Not with camel though I do keep in touch with her. So last 2nd half of the year, I went to Singapore twice. Once in July and the other in November. Both times also for shopping. What else? It's nice shopping in S'pore. Everything seems so much cheaper there until I convert them back to RM. But who cares. Most important thing is I enjoyed myself. Tell me which girl doesn't enjoy shopping?

In December, I went to Phuket to spend my New Year there. (Now, this will be the highlight for my blog). It was truly awesome! It's a tropical paradise! You practically wake up and think of what to do for the day. Unlike KL, the time doesn't run by you so quickly and most importantly, I get to eat my favourite lobster and drink beer for only 5 bucks!! Hence, I drink beer every other day, more like every other time! Seriously, I've never had so much beer in my whole life coz I'm not really a beer person. But again, 5 bucks!!

Other than beer, I also get to visit the island that got swept by the tsunami - Phi Phi island. Did some snorkelling, swimming and well sun bathing. But, I'm still as white as snow. At least that's what everyone's been telling me, "Wei, you sure you went to Phuket? Still so fair??" Sigh! What to do.

As usual, shopping is part of my trip. I did not buy lotsa stuff for myself coz not everything is suitable but I did buy lotsa souvenirs to be given away. I saw lotsa interesting stuffs too during my shopping spree such as weapon of mass destruction, Star Wars characters made out of motorcycle chains as well as wires, wood carvings of frogs that when touched with another piece of wood produces the sound of frog and the list goes on. There’s this one thing that will interest Mr. Chan for sure. They sell lotsa SM equipments. You name it and they have it. Plus, it’s not that expensive. Mr. Chan not only can get cheap SM equipments but he can also hook up with some local so-called ‘chicks’… Go figure.

I encounter lotsa first time experiences during my trip. It was my first time on a tuk-tuk. They drive really fast and if you are unlucky, you might just fall out of the car. So remember to hang on tight when you hop on. And, it was also my first time seeing transvestite dancing and parading on the streets. I took some photos with them but unfortunately blogger does not allow me to post so too bad. It was also my first time drinking beer during the day and on the beach. As mentioned earlier, beer is 5 bucks, so drink till you pass out.

First time in my life, I did Thai massage. I went to this spa called Blooming Spa. Everything seems really nice, cool ambience, comfortable and friendly people until they started to use their 'hei kong' on me. I did not enjoy myself due to the pain. For 2 hr and 45 min, I had to endure the torture. It's nothing like the aroma therapy type of massage I enjoy back here in KL where I can doze off until the whole session is over. I was practically hoping that the Thai massage session will be over in no time!! Somebody help me! Nevertheless, I endure till the end! There was this last part where she’s supposed to ‘break’ my back and when she did, I kinda fell out of the bed. When that’s done, the session is finally over. To my surprise, I felt really nice after the massage. Every muscle in my body is loosen.

All in all, it was a good break away from the city life. I hope I can visit there again or perhaps another island – Koh Sa Mui?

Till then, this is Mat Rempit #2 signing off.

White New Year

So.. in my last post.. I had mentioned that I din have a white christmas per se.. But.. but.. but.. a few days later everything became right as rain.. or rather white as snow.. hahaha.. It snowed over new year's! Anyhow.. as u can tell I was very excited about this.. hahah.. yeah.. Practically got dressed and ran down to play with fresh snow.. damn shiok ok.

Alright.. less words.. more pics.. Here are some pics of me and the snow.. hahaha..


Taking that first step onto virgin snow.. hahaha..


Happily finding out how it feels like to play with snow.

Seeing that I got what I wanted in the end.. I think this year is gonna be a really good one.

Dream of a white christmas came true

Well... looks like I'm the oni one keeping this thingy alive huh?

Where's everyone? Oh well.. at least Je u have sumthing new to read la now.

This is gonna be a short post though.. Just updates on what happened over Christmas.

Hahaha.. I guess the title is pretty self-explainatory.. yeah.. I had a white Christmas. Not the kind I actually hoped for.. but well.. at least I had snow.. albeit fake snow.. but snow none the less. I went skiing at some mountain ski resort north of Far Far Away. It was an hour's bus ride to the outskirts, all I saw was plain, flat country side.. with no mountain in view at all.. so much so that we in the bus kept asking each other... "Is this place gonna be a ski mountain? Or a ski valley?" Anyhow.. in the end we did spot a mountain.. which kinda came out of no where out of the blue.. haha..

So what did I do on the mountain.. apart from nearly freezing to death.. I also snowboarded.. which was a pain in the ass.. literally.. Fell like 10 thousand times.. Gave up after 1/2 an hour.. It was rather tiring too.

Moved on to sliding down a nice little hill in a tube.. spent an hour doing that.. hahaha that was fun.. and non-impactful. Then, I took a 20-minute cable car ride up to the highest point of the snow mountain and toboggan-ed all the way down.. the cable car was pretty scary cuz it's an open car.. and ur just like.. hanging.. hahaha..and the mountain is pretty erm.. big.. so.. yeah scary. The ride down was fun though... I was pulling on the brakes the whole time.. (yeah u can control ur speed..) so I was a bit slow.. but well.. at least I din get a heart attack..

Then after that I moved on to climbing and sliding down this really steep hill.. hahahah.. that was funny.. cuz kids were like doing that and suddenly a few big monkeys started doing the same.. it was a pretty damn steep hill.. so the slide down was a bit like a roller coaster ride... damn fun.

So that was Christmas day.. woke up the next morning with my whole body aching.. can't even scratch my back without feeling like my arm is gonna drop off. So had to live with the itch on my back the whole freaking day.

Yeaps.. so that sums up Christmas... now let's hope New Year won't be so physically challenging. Hahaha.. or else.. I'll be fucked on the 1st.

So.. guess I won't be updating till next year... So Happy New Year everybody!



Me in my snowboard outfit.. macam terror.. yeah right.

The one Far, Far Away...

So ar... I very long never blog d lor hor? Why? Because Far, Far Away, where I stay, cannot access Blogspot one lor.. Why? I have no idea.. but sumhow managed to find my way round that little problem.. and now.. I am blogging. I'm sure my housemates will be very, very happy to see that Juls FINALLY blogged!

What the @#$!?.. Did u say that u're Far, Far Away?

Yes.. I am.. very far awaya actually. It's a long story.. the gist of it is that I'm here to work. Yeap.. this 'banana' girl who can't even speak the language properly.. is here Far, Far Away trying to build a career. Unbelievable isn't it? Well, believe it.

SO been here more than a month now.. and how am I doing? Pretty good actually. Before I got here I heard lotsa horror stories about not being able to find bread, potatoes, anything western (e.g. pizza, pasta, steak and such), fresh seafood, Japanese food that will probably kill u, people doin their 'business' publicly (and I dun mean the kind that gives u a profit) and all that la.. But............. so far no major horror.

Anyhow basically, found bread, pasta, damn fucking good Japanese food, fresh seafood (the fish are still swimming in supermarkets and the crabs are still trying to escape), found cheese, even found roti canai for goodness sake! So, it's all good. Damn good. And thats just the food bit. Haven't started talking about shopping yet.. and trust me.. there's a lot to talk about when it comes to shopping.. (so will leave that to next post).

Also found a place to stay.. a very nice place too.. It's an interior designed joint, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, one kitchen and one huge LCD tv (yes Mr. Chan.. I have an LCD tv in my cave). Not bad eh?

The weather is now 3 degrees and tomorrow is gonna be -3. It's kinda like Perth all over again man.. 'cept.. dun have u guys.. (awwww...) I miss the winters in Perth.. walking to McD's in the middle of the night for ice cream or fries, watching late night movies (usually sum kinda porn, thanks to Mr. Chan's brilliant movie selections). Oh well, those were the days. Now, we've all got different lives in different parts of the world, Mr. Chan's in a cave.. somewhere..filling his days with drawing pictures of stickmen hunting buffaloes and elephants on the walls, Mat Rempit #2 is a KL-lite, recent MBA holder who is best friends with a native of Arabia and Mat Rempit #1 is freaking Far, Far Away freezing her nips off while enjoying her 'big screen tv'.. (hahaha.. yeah baby, that's what we're calling it nowadays).

Though we're all far apart, I guess one thing remains the same..

Not a single day goes by that we dun hope with all our hearts that....

SOMEONE WILL JUST BLOG ALREADY!

So.. I did. Mr. Chan did.

That leaves one that didn't... the MBA holder aka Mat Rempit #2. So member, you know what to do la hor...

By the way, last Saturday.. it snowed.. never in 26 years of my life have I ever seen snow. I was soooooooooooooooooooooo excited and I watched the snow fall from my window, 19 storeys above ground. In all the excitement, I could only think of one thing..... that is.. "If only we had snow in Perth.."

Looks like no matter where we go.. memories of Perth will still remain..

Till next time.. 我是 Mat Rempit #1 签字 (I am Mat Rempit #2 signing off)

Captain Caveman is back!

Yeap...

The long awaited blog from Mr Chan is finally here.
Sorry for the long pause as i was in the stage of hibernation..yeah...hibernating in the "Cave"
But I'm back now! coz the wall in my cave has ran out of space for me to draw and have use the last papyrus to clean my ass..

OK..how do i start?
Maybe i'll start by explaining why the ever consistant blogger - that's me.. did not blog for so long...yea yea...to my dear housemates, this explanation might just be another "excuse" for you and its not something new as i have explain to you dozens of thousands of lightyears time but what the heck...just wanna put it in "black and white"..so here goes..

*ahem*..

i was busy...

...
...
....
....
.....
.....

Really..
...
...
...
....
.....
......

As mentioned in Je and Juls blog, i was going through a career changing path and process. That is why i have got no time to blog and because of this, i was punished.

First, i was branded with the name of "The Fake Juls" by my dear housemates coz i was not blogging - just like Juls before me and Juls on the other hand was branded "The Fake Mr Chan" for putting up a 4 lines of sentences which she calls "a blog" and this has been going for months..the penalty was heavy as i was constantly teased, threathen and receiving information from MNG and Zara on their "Sales" and "Promotion" on their summer/winter/autumn/spring releases of dress, skirts, bla bla bla..- which i do not subscribe for..

And now...i'm known as the "caveman".

After the long and numerous times of explanation, my fellow housemates finally understands my situation and has accepted the reason of me not being able to blog for a short period of time - until i settle down on my new job. And so, i promise them that i will blog as soon as i have settled down.

Finally, i have all the things i need in my new work place - a new computer, a new spacious cubicle (*ahem...manager marrr...*), stationaries, chairs, drawers, phone, bla bla bla..

With all things in place, still, i cannot start work as my machine is not setup yet - emails, bla bla bla..

Finally, it is done and the first thing i wanted to do was to check my personal mail and of course, check out the blog!..

As i click on the IE (Internet Explorer) and type "www.gmail.com"...waited for 5 minutes and nothing was loaded and suddently an error " Page Not Found ". What the fuck is going on here?..Further checks and clarification only to realise that i do not have access to the internet.

WHAT THE FUCK?...NO INTERNET?..TIU LORRRRR....HOW TO SURVIVE?

It's the bank's IT security policy. If i want to have an internet connection, i have to apply and justify why i need one. Besides that, the internet connection is only for 3 hours daily and it will be monitored by some so called "internet police". What a load of crap! Fuck it lar...no internet no internet lar...

And i told the above TRUTH to my housemates...again...they laugh and shouted at me "EXCUSES!!!.."
AND because of this unavailability of internet connection, it means that there's no more BLOG, no more MSN gossips and bonding, no more ESPN, no more PORNS, no more DOWNLOADS, no more EVERYTHING!! - during office hours..

AND because of all the above..i was re-vamp from the old brand of "The Fake Juls" to now.."The Caveman". Reason being that since i'm working in a bank and DO NOT have INTERNET CONENCTION, it's just like living in the stone-age, where i have to leave my messages on the wall in my "Cave" and so..the "caveman" was born. Again, i was teased, humiliated, threaten and harrased by my housemates. They even influence my girlfriend!!!...

This is a SMS message from Clarissa to me:

clair: Me in MyDin now checkin out the place. Do u need anything? Like a chalk to draw on the wall in your cave? Check your supply and let me know if u need more chalks.

GODDAMMMIT!!...
Of coz..i did not bother to reply.

My new job in the bank means..waking up early in the morning, driving to KL, the jams..new colleagues..new lunch partners..new affair with the tea lady..new politicians - who contributes to office politics..the parking fees...the "going-home-late-and-cold-food"..bla bla...u know the rest..

Since i've chosen to work in KL again, i guess its kinda like a "payback" to Je for all the criticism i've given to her when i was working in Shah Alam.

(me = in shah alam, Je=Damansara)

Me: awwwww...you're so lucky Je..me so jealous..
Je: why and of what..
Me: lucky you to have the oppurtunity to stuck in the jam...reach home late at night just in time to see your parents off the lights to sleep..the cold food on the table that awaits you..
Je: ....
Je: ...
Me: awwwwww...
Je: dun rub it in...

OR

*tuut...tuut...*
Je: hello..
Me: eh..where you at? driving?
Je: at office lar..
Me: awwwwwww.....you're so lucky..can stuck in the..
Je: dun rub it in..WHAT YOU WANT..

BUT NOW??...i got calls from Je and..

(me=KL, Je=Damansara)

Je: eh..still in opis (office)?
Me: i know where you're going Je..dun start with me..
Je: ....
Je: ....
Me: so..waasss...
Je: awwwwwwww......the jams...the cold dinner...i envy you lar..
Me: .............sssuuuppp...
Me: .....
Me: ...
Je: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...COLD FOOD LOVIN FREAK!
Je: * click... tuut..tuut...tuut..tuut..*
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: GODDAMMMITT..!!!

you see, i use to work so near that it takes me only 10 mins of driving to get to my office..

My working hours.
8.30 am : office hour starts
5.30 pm: pack it up..chow!

My routine:
8.00: wake up
8.15: starting the engine of my car
8.25: breakfast
8.40: in the office - yea..10 mins late but my boss don't really care..
9.00: still gossip-ing in the office - news being covered are as follows:

a) if there's football on the day before, then you will see "Ferguson", "Arsene", "Benitez", "Rijkaard" trashing out on "mourhino" and each other. Debates over the transfer market, player's performance and future matches predictions.

b) who got married and who got laid

c) who got a new watch in the office and who's gonna buy a greater watch the next day

d) bla bla bla..

10.30: download emails and chat on MSN for more gossips with fellow Je and Juls
10.31-12.00: replying emails and more gossips - Bitch about Juls with Je...(oopss...juls...you did not read this..you did not read thisssssss...you're a camel..you're a camellllllllll...........)

12.00-1.00: lunch
1.00-3.00: check personal emails
3.00-4.00: check on soccer news on soccernet.com, livescore.com
4.00-4.30: check on the latest gadgets
4.30-5.30: check on / update blogs.
5.30: Home..warm food..still have time to walk the dog..

(All the above = HEAVEN.)

But now in this new job...

5.50 am: alarm rings
6.15 am: wake up - officially
6.35 am: off to work
7.15 am: reach office
7.20-8.15 am: breakfast and newspaper
8.45 am: start work
8.45-12.30 pm: work work and work
12.30 - 1.30 pm: lunch
1.30 - 5.45: work work and work - of coz, in between, there's SMS-es from friends like Je, who sent me - hey caveman, there's an art exhibition in KLCC. you might wanna check it out and book your space there. Let me know. I can arrange. U COLD FOOD LOVIN FREAKO!

5.45 - 6.30 pm: pretend to work - actually just wasting time and waiting for the jams to ease.
7.00 pm: leave ofice
8.00 pm reach home and this is consider early!..

(All the above on the new job = sigh..)

sigh..
what goes around comes around..its true..!!

Now that Juls have also left us to Beijing to expand her "Mamasan" business and me not being able to be online on MSN, Je is left all alone with no one to chat with on MSN besides CAMEL but Je said that she rather talk to the keyboard than to chat with that CAMEL.!..hahaha...

Sigh, i wonder how Juls is doing now in Beijing?. Our yam cha session is not the same anymore with you Juls...
Awwwwwww......but dun worry
We'll get used to your absent in a few more yam cha sessions..

So Juls, how's life in Beijing eh?
Have you mastered the skill of spitting and squating?

please update us on your "happenings" - let it be sexual or work on the blog ok?

Till next blog..

This is caveman chan signing out - "we miss you ah ju ju.."