Friday: Was on leave. 8.55 in the morning. Nothing to do..nothing’s on TV either..no I dun have a fridge yet. So I turn on the computer with the hopes of no hatred mail from my fellow housemates – Juls and Je for not being online and most of all for not being blogging…their hate mail can be nasty. Examples below
Hate mail from Juls.
Hey there…how’s things?..oh yea..i blog..so check it out. And Mr Cherry Berry Chan?..we have not heard from you…no blog..no email…what are you trying to prove?...you wanna die?..DO U WANNA DIE??..I’LL KILL YOU!!...I’LL MURDER YOU…!!..yes I might be in china but I have CONNECTIONS!!...i’ll FUCKING rip your balls off and roll it to Beijing…and cut off your DICK and feed the dog in BEIJING!!..
From Beijing with Love,
Hate mail from Je
Hey Juls…your blog was so darn funny good one..!!..and yea Mr Chan..what happen to you lar??...when are you gonna blog? Or you dun intend to??...try not blogging by end of March 2007…I’ll shove a baseball bat up your ass!!..I’LL ASK EUGENE TO FUCK YOU…!!!...oh wait…you and Eugene will probably enjoy that..I’LL FUCKING BLEND YOUR DICK AND DRINK IT like a cocktail and call it BLOODY DICKY!!...you know I am capable of that!!...I’LL FUCKING PUT A 6’inch SCREW AND SCREW IT UP YOUR PEE HOLE..!!...you feeling it??...you feeling the pain now??..YOU FEELING ME??!!!..
With lots of love,
So I’m blogging now…
Friday: Was on leave. 9.15 in the morning. “..we came to see the mOBSCENE..i know it isn’t your scene…it’s better than a sex scene…yeah it’s so fucking OBSCENE..OBSCENE yeeeeaaaa….” – what else…a Marilyn Manson song playing from my machine while I was wondering what the fuck is happening with my modem, connection, bla bla..trying to fix it but nothing works…
Friday: Was on leave. 9.40 in the morning. Gave up…when to the balcony with my cup of morning tea…light up a ciggy…clad only with my simpson boxie…(yea..if you can remember..yup..the one from Perth, Australia, MATE!)..Watching the cars or perhaps people who wakes up at late and rushing to work…sardine buses speeding like “shuey”..
“tsk tsk…poor fellows…rushing to work…get sardined in the bus..*sluuuuurrrppps..* ahhh…tsk tsk…sigh…that’s why..wake up late summore…tsk tsk…typical Malaysians….*slluuuurrrrpppss..*
At 10.00am. Decided to call up streamyx to give them a “go”…just for boredom sake..
“welcome to TM….bla bla..press 1 for English…2 for hokkien…3 for hakka…4 for mandarin…(then there was a pause of silent….then It goes again..)..no..there’s no selection for malay language as they are too fucking STUPID..press 0 to go back to the main menu if you’re too slow to catch what I’ve just said..”
Out of curiosity, I press 0..”I knew it…u gotta be a malay…I’m sorry..we dun speak ur language but if u’re smart enuff to understand English..press # to proceed…and if ure not a malay..press * “
This is some good shit…again..out of curiosity..”press #”
“tuut tuut….nombor yang anda dial…teleh ditamatkan perkhimatannya…harap maklum..”..(there was a silent pause again before I heard some “giggles” and “whispers”…)
“giggles = heheheh….keke…*cough cough..*..he he he…
”whispers” = I though I heard someone whispered..”shhh…shh…dun laugh so loud..else they know that someone is here fucking em’ up..”..
Shortly after the “whispers”… “Press * if you’re still on the line….HAHAHAHA”
It’s proven that those behind the calls are racist…I likeee….*high Five*..
Friday: Was on leave. 10.10 in the morning. I follow the instruction given by the automated operator and finally reach their technical operator.
“Hello good morning .. my name is Amin. Welcome to streamyx technical careline. How can I assist you this morning?”
“yea baby…can u lick my balls..ermmm..they so sweaty and huge..emmmm”
“I’m sorry sir?..”
”wanna touch your tongue to mine?”..
“sigh…anyway…My name is Manson…my report number…bla bla bla …I made this report like 2 months ago and still my line is not up yet..care to explain why?..what the hell is wrong with u ppl??..- a soft whisper..”wanna taste my asshole?”
“OK sir please hold while…”
”hold??....HOLD??...i’ve been holding onto my balls for 2 fucking months without this fucking line…do u know what are they calling me out there??...have you seen the mails they sent to me??!!”
“I’m sorry sir but..”
”YOU HAVE NO IDEA how it feels like …NOOO…NOOOOOOO….”
”ok sir…u have to calm down..”
”I AM CALM…they’ve been calling me nameesss….NAMMEESSSS…..CAVEMAN…BERRIES…CHERRY PICKER…I HAD ENUFFF…..GIMME ME MY FUCKING LINE…”
anyway…after the above “hoo haa”..My line was up and running the next day…and now..
OK now…I know there’s lots of catching up to do at my side on the blog..and there’s lots of update to be posted too…
Let’s talk about CNY (Chinese New Year..Gong Xi Fatt Chai…Tahun Baru Cina..got it?)…yea…refer to the Beijing Girl’s blog..we had a small little gathering at my *crib on the first day of CNY…and please welcome the new member of the family..Ms Cherrie Berry Strawberry Raspberry Wong…ermm…I mean… Cherrie Wong..sorry baby..
*crib = pigeon hole.
not those as seen on MTV k??..
Anyway..we had the usual…Red wine…white wine..snacks snacks and more snacks and some pics..(refer to the Beijing Girl’s blog). I swear..it was the CNY heat + wine that made up those poses.
1st day of CNY + red wine (white wine)2 + Snacks * THE CNY HEAT / boredom = some-really-nasty-poses.
Anyway..it was all good. Its more like a custom to us. Dun you think?..or maybe we can make it as one. Every CNY, we will crash at somebody’s house and repeat the above equation again. It’s good to see the Beijing Girl again after her months of prostitution in Beijing. She’s number 4 now in Beijing!...*high Five*… As for Je…same ol same ol…I can see her whenever I wan … affair partner mar…
As for me…same ol same ol (still the hunk…only with some extra layer of fats on the tummy but it’s all good…)
After Je, it was my turn to invade the Phuket island. It was my CNY holiday. 3rd day of CNY, took off to phuket. Overall it was a great trip. Nice beaches with ugly bitches.
Was there for 4 days 3 nights. Just nice…SAWADEEKAP!
The field report as follows:
Gettin ready in the airport..
Where's the damm plane?
1St Day in Phuket:
As we walk out from the airport, we saw this lady (maybe a man…can’t tell yet) holding up this huge ass sign which says “Evon Cheok”. That’s it…that’s us…and still couldn’t tell the difference whether the “lady” was a “HE”. OK..to make things simple..lets call her a IT. OK OK…let’s address IT as she.
And she was our tour guide.
Alright..off we go. Load our stuff to the tour van. We have to separate our group into 2 vans – there’s 15 of us. So the first stop…of course..FOOD as we are all hungry..and by the way…She was a HE and now He’s a She with still a little of He in She. Her name is May. Whatever…
The food … seriously..i dunno what the heck I was eating but for sure its beehoon lar..that she-male tour guide order for us. The cooking was slow and the heat in the so-call restaurant was unbearable. We help ourselves to the fridge and whack few bottles of their local beer…..aaaaaaAaAAAaaahhhHhHHh….refreshing…but the food was still bad. Again, we know we could not rely on that he-bitch, so we took the initiative to shut her mouth and order ourselves…TOM YAM …hahaha…and man..it was good..most of you guys know me that I do not take spicy food (please note that by not consuming spicy food does not makes me a sissy, pansy, wussy, pussy or anything equivalent to a faggot, softy, etc…) but this TOM YAM has the SIAM in it…it was good.
Anyway..food’s over…settled the bill..off we go to another place where they plan to slit our throat and let us bleed to death. May – the she-male tour guide brought us to this huge-ass jewelry store where they sell diamonds, diamonds, and diamonds. Us being us, did not bother about those diamonds, instead, we wander around the place. Anyway, May lead us to the retail hall where they have counters – similar to those we have in Poh Kong, Tiffany, D & P. The cool thing is that behind each counter has an aquarium – so big..like bigger than big big..and me and my gang was like….
”wooooo…check out those fish!!!...”..huh??..what diamond?..where??...ohh look…that’s the biggest eel I’ve ever seen in my life!!..”
TOTALLY did not give a fuck to those diamonds…we can’t afford it anyway..
Off we go again to another place where they sell loads of nuts…all types of nuts…ground nut, almond nut…nut nut…nutheads…nut balls…etc…supposed another tourist attraction spot again?..anyway..they offered free drinks and this is the only thing that motivates us to go in to have a look. Nothing much…just a bunch of nuts…
Off we go again to … the hotel…GOD..FINALLY!
The hotel ain’t some 5-star stuff but nice and clean enuff to sleep…that’s what the rooms are for anyway when ure on a vacation…to sleep.
Check in. check out our rooms…leave our bags..HIT THE STREET!!..
Only 4 of us hit the street actually. The rest we in their respective room either resting, fucking their chiqs or bathing. Couldn’t care less..the 4 of us..
First stop..7-11. Man…I’m telling ya…Phuket is manifested with 7-11s. Grab this huge ass Heineken from the fridge for only 550 baht. And that’s like 5.50 ringgit??...
*high Five*..Foo Kor:
mahai…guess how much this shit is??..Manson:
how much lar??..Foo Kor:
5.50 ringgit…Manson & Billy:
shit…I’m gonna be so drunk…Foo Kor:
…this way people…to the massage parlour!!..Manson & Damien & Billy:
OK..dun get any wrong ideas here. Its purely genuine massage parlour by some “aunties”. Result = bone breaking satisfaction.
Dinner was the usual = thai food. Again, the tom yam was superb
After dinner, we wonder around the street of “Patong Beach”. Niiicceeeeee….full with pubs and pretty “she-males”…I mean..pretty ugly…
We came across this pub which has some thai chiqs dancing erotically on the table..wow..dress in nurse uniform, student uniform…mmmm.mmm…makes me wanna play “doctor doctor”..and so without hesitation, we invade that pub and ordered a round of beers…
There are men on the street promoting all sorts of entertainment..:Thai 1:
a-go-go bar…nice girls..come come see..Thai 2:
tiger show..come come…Manson:
tiger as in like the zoo??..Thai 2:
no no…tiger show from preeti gals..shooting ping pong..open beer bottle..Manson:
After some light drinking, we decided to go back to the hotel to rest a little..shower to freshen up before “round 2”. The girls decided to stay back in the hotel as they were too tired to walk. Girls staying back and only guys going out = LUST!!!....
Hahaha…again..we go back to that stretch of HOLY PUBS and came across this particular pub (can’t remember what it’s called) which they have a podium right at the entrance with 4 girl-look-alike chiq dancing..again…erotically…so we stop by…no no…we did not go into the pub instead we just stand in front of the door and watching those so called “girls” doing their thing..One of them flashes her tits at us…and we were like … DAMM…CAN’T SEE LAR....
I took out my K800i – Cybershot with 3.2 megapixel camera phone (show off) and recorded their moves and hoping she will flash her tits again. After waiting for like 2 minutes…still nothing happen. I told my friend to provoke her to show her tits so I can capture it in video mode..and he DID!!...
That bastard went upclose and took off his shirt and start squeezing his own tits and it WORKS!!!...she did it again!!..ahhah..We end up spending like 15 minutes standing there watching. The she-male that flash her tits came down from the podium to take a break and my friend (the one who flashes his tits to them) buy her a flower. She was pleased and agreed to take some picture with us!!.....
When it was my turn to take picture, out of nowhere, another numb-skull she-male interrupts and insist to have a picture taken with her too….and she flash her tits…
*highFive*…!!..anyway..we tip her for taking photo with us…
It was almost 3am in the morning on our first night in Phuket. The rest of the guys decided to head back to the hotel. That left 4 of us…with nothing much else to do…we took a “tuk tuk” to the one and only 24 hours McDonald’s. After the meal, we thought of going for some massage again but I told them that another round of massage will see us on wheelchair and Fillet o’Fish flying out from our mouth. So we head back to the hotel, help ourselves with 1 of 4 bottles of MOET champagne that we bought in the airport and call it a night!...
Not too much of a “LUST” night out eh??..
2nd Day in Phuket: To be continue….
3rd Day in Phuket: Coming Soon…
4th Day in Phuket - FINALE: Coming Soon…
“Not-the-Caveman-anymore-and-I-blog!!!” signing out.PS: Sorry lar people..i tried to put in more pics but the streamyx connection makes me wanna call "Amin" from TMnet again...so..i'll add it more pics...maybe tomorrow??..