still the usual gang of idiots (just older)

Remember when we used to.. #1

2009-05-22T13:19:00.002+08:00

Remember when we used to think that the word "punani" was Indian?

And we would go around speaking to each other in an Indian accent trying to form sentences using the word "punani".

Funny shit, man.

"Dei, sap-da punani la, dei!"

Killer.

Spending your $$$ on something stupid..

2008-10-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

Have you ever spend your hard earn, blood and sweat money on something that contributes nothing, at no use, totally unnecessary and silly ever??..

I’m sure you did…maybe once…maybe once a month…maybe none??…

Well…to be honest….most of money are being spend on all sorts of things that contributes nothing, at no use, totally unnecessary….i.e. my collection of Transformers toys (which I define as a NECESSITY in my life) which I have not open or display it at all…buy it just for the sake of collecting it and to occupy those empty spaces in my cupboard….

Yeah…I know its kinda dumb…but hey…as long as I’m happy…

Some of you might have the whole set of “Barbie dolls” – which include, but not limited to, “Ken”, “the dumb pink corvette car”, “the play-house, where you can role play between Barbie and Ken” (for fuck sake…!!!), “Barbie tea-set”…whatever…

I’m not condemning your rights to choose what you wish to collect….as long as it makes you happy…

I came across this book in a bookstore. Well it’s not actually a book i.e. novel, but more like a guide. A guide to what??..I’ll explain later..

The catchy title and its striking color caught my attention…and after “exploring” it…I can’t help myself but to pay 30 bucks for it. “Exploring” by the means of opening the nicely sealed box, taking it apart slowly and nicely, slide out the plastic cover that was protecting it, open the box, exploring what’s the ingredient, making sure everything is in-tact i.e. items are as stipulated accordingly, browse through a few pages of the content…interesting?…put it back nicely into the box, put it back into the plastic cover, AND take a new one….hey…c’mon la…as if you never do this kinda things before…

MALAYSIAN BOLEH..!!!!

Ok..so as I was saying…it’s a guide…a guide to…

..how to write a Poison Letter to your enemies i.e. ur ex, your current or ex-boss, neighbours, friends, brothers or sisters…and hence, “The Poison-Pen Letter Writing Set – Everything you need to let someone know how you really feel”…you feeling the “AWESOME-NESS”????

Like I said…the color of the box and its title caught my attention…

Sorry for the blurry image but basically the set includes:

a) Instruction booklet
b) 20 sheets red writing paper
c) 20 red envelopes
d) 20 stickers (Yes…stickers…I’ll explain later)
e) A poisen pen (A poison pen…how cool is that???….i’ll explain later too)

The instruction booklet…

A small little booklet, about the size of your palm, which is nice as it can be easily fit into your pocket…always a handy guide whenever you need to compose a “Poison” letter… “Whenever, Wherever, Let’s Compose a Poison Letter”

I have not finish reading the guide and so I can’t share much of its content but manage to browse a few pages…one of it is to attach “something” into your letter before sending it to your target. You know how we attach media or docs in your email…well..something similar but only attaching it physically.

For example: before sending the letter to your target, stick a dead roach into the letter, OR rubbing the letter with raw fish meat..making the letter smell awful, OR add spray “Pepper-spray” all over the letter and hope they rub their nose or eyes after reading/touching the letter OR tarot cards i.e. death, the wheel, etc…AWESOME!!!!!…

Another example: Neighbour nuking!!!…hate your neighbour??…no worries…here’s a quick fix…compose your poison letter in “scribbly” hand-writing…for better effect, use your left hand if you’re right handed and vice-versa, but if your capable in writing in both hands, try cutting out words and letters from magz or newspaper..

Drop it in your neighbour’s mail box…drop another similar letter to another neighbour (the innocent one) to avoid suspicion. If you’re being question by either one of the neighbour, pretend you do not know anything and explain how suspicious looking the “other” neighbour was one morning/afternoon loafting around the mailbox..and of coz…be “helpful” to lend an assist…

The Poison Pen

It’s just a fucking normal cheap black-ink ball pen. But the fact that its call a “Poison Pen” and was labelled on it….its AWESOME..!!!…I’m LOVING IT..!!!…be sure to compose your letter with it for more “hatred”..!!!

The Red Envelopes

Perhaps a little too small for “attachments”…but handy enough…recommended!!..

The Red Writing papers

Nothing much..just sheets of papers in red…

The Stickers

Consist of knife, skeleton, angry eyes and poison bottles…nothing much too…just to add additional “flavors” to your letter…more like an expression I’ll reckon…

Now…there you have it…the new item that has been added into my collection of “contributes nothing, at no use, totally unnecessary and silly”

But its cool right??….right??…..whatever your comment is…The Poison Letter Writing Set is still in my “cool” list….hahahahah…

So..now..what’s yours???..

Till next time…

This is ME..signing off..

Bestest Friends in the whole wide world

2008-10-03T08:28:00.001+08:00

Recently, there has been some debate about who belongs in the ‘Bestest Friends in the whole wide world’ group. Some people say that it is destined for some to belong in that category whilst others belong in the cool ‘Usual gang of idiots’.

Let me began by saying that…

Once upon a time, there lived two people… who can’t get enough of each other. They love and hate each other for one reason – donuts. Why donuts? It is through donuts that they grew to understand each other. One will eat the donuts today while it is fresh and the other will eat it next week after it has turned green and moldy. Simply because one loves the other so much that she’ll wait ‘til the donuts are no longer edible for the other person. But at the same time, she hates the fact that she doesn’t get to eat the donuts while it is fresh. You can imagine the bond, the closeness and the affection they both share. I’m not talking about just any kind of connection normal people share. I’m talking about a freaking spitting kind of relationship that both enjoy.

So let’s flashback for a second. Who has dual membership? Who should embrace her destiny? Who should finally come out of the closet? And who should go where others cannot follow?

The answer is plain simple….

Go figure…

The Quake

2008-05-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

Dear friends,

Yes, there was a quake. No, I din feel anything. Yes, I am fine. Just in case you were worried.

But I do have sad news to tell you. Today, on the day of the earthquake, all my hopes and dreams have been dashed, destroyed, gone with the wind. Why? Because my dog.. an animal.. which was suppose to alert me before a natural disaster strikes... was sound asleep AND snoring.. before, during AND after the quake.

My hope for Handsome was that he will one day, repay all my love by saving my life in a brave and dramatic manner.. But.. after today.. I have decided to accept reality.. that he will never save my life.. Instead, I will have to save his.. and after that.. I have to feed him and pick up his poop sumore.

Sigh.. dear friends.. Handsome = 1 word.. FAIL.

Naked.. shaved.. and wet

2008-05-10T19:42:00.000+08:00

If none of my previous blogs got your attention, I'm very sure I have it ALL right now..

So who is naked you ask? Is it.. Mr. Chan *vomit*? Is it Je *hmm.. wink wink*? Or.. is it Jules *...*? What if I tell you that it is none of the above..

Yes... the naked pics I am gonna show you is of......... HANDSOME! Excited or not? Excited or not? *sound of crickets in background*

Anyway.. just take a look la.. since you're already on this webpage.

Ok.. ok.. before anybody starts saying that I'm cruel la, heartless la.. what la what la.. JUST because I shaved my dog.. I have my reason.. Its because it's now too hot here. He's suffering under all his thick fur... so shaving him makes him more comfortable.

Why the stripe, you ask? Well.... Funny ma.. damn nice to point and laugh at the naughty lil fucker. In fact he looks so funny, that, everybody at the petshop, pointed and laughed at him once he was done.. AND... even the girl shaving him.. couldn't stop smiling while she was doing her job.. AHahahaahaha... yes.. he looks THAT funny! I think the pictures don't do him justice... Hahaha.... If he meets Max now.. I'm sure Max will run away..

My name is Maximus...but just call me MAX..

2008-05-08T11:34:00.001+08:00

Yup...i know...its been long since my last post...the usual la...busy ma...heheheh...(i wonder how long can i use this excuse)..but anyway...

Allow me to introduce, the new "member" of "the usual gangs of idiots"..

MAXIMUS...

Yeah...sounds great huh?...but really..he's not..and he's a numbskull..

Max - the golden retriever (Ahem..*proud*) is the replacement of Pebbles (the COCK-er, who is now in doggy heaven being showered everyday with doggy snacks..."we miss you dearly and you will always have a place in our heart")

Max loves nibbling stuff...he'll start to nibble anything on his sight and within his reach...for example..

My coffee table: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
My dining table: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
My arms: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
Cherrie's arm: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)
Cherrie's nipple: ALMOST...(..*phew..*) and that's for me to nibble, k Max??..k??..deal??..
My cock: STILL INTACT...(*..phew..*)
My shoe rack: GONE (with tooth marks all over the place)

Anyway, you get the picture right..a real destroyer..until the extend that i have to use "minyak cap kapak" to scare the fucker by applying it on all of the "hot-spot" or perhaps "Max's spot"..well..at least it works...for now...

Here are some pics taken especially for Auntie Julz & Handsome...

huh??.

check out the "flying" ear!!

Max and his "Kong"

Getting curious with his new toy

"..eh..not nice one..fuck it la.."

getting grounded for his "No Retreat..No Surrender" on nibbling my furnitures, limbs, etc policy and law.

still being grounded...no toys, no snacks, no pee-pee, no poo-poo..

"ZzzzZZzzZzzzZzz...."

"Yay...Aunt Je to the rescue..!!"

"No Retreat...No Surrender"...THAT...is Max's LAW!...

More pics on the way...

Handsome - The Fashion Shoot

2008-04-30T23:34:00.001+08:00

So.. looks like this blog is gonna become Julie's blog eh?

More like Julie's blog about Handsome..

Anyway, can't help it, cuz he's funny and a clown.

Recently my friend send me some doggy clothes she bought from Thailand, Chatuchak Market to be more specific, she says there are tonnes of nice things for pets there.. So Mr. Chan, if ever you go on holiday to Bang-cock.. you might wanna visit Chatuchak Market.. well, not for Max.. cuz it's too bloody hot to make dogs wear clothes in KL.. but for your godson here. Haha.. Handsome thanks you in advanced.

So, Handsome received some clothes.. he's had some old ones.. but well.. he's grown a lot since then.. and the only part of him that can fit into his old clothes right now, is his 'tai pei' or we like to call it, 'chu tui', pig's thigh. Which I will attempt to show you in the following pictures of Handsome's Fashion Shoot.

The outfit: Camo-print overalls by Doggy Dolly

'Blue Steel'

Macho

Dunggu

Being a poser is hard work..

Macam 'melankolik'..

Staring into the distance...

Stare until sleepy...

The famous and very 'yuk kan' 'tui'...

Yes, yes, I know he's only wearing one outfit, but that was the one he looked funniest in. And besides, it was hell trying to get him to wear the t-shirt. By my standards, even getting him to wear the overalls were already a big, huge achievement.. so.. if you wanna complain that my fashion shoot bluff people because got only one outfit, you can take your complains and shove it. Either that or, YOU come and try to make the lil fucker wear the t-shirt.

And YES, I know the brand sounds very gay.. But well, maybe I shall now teach him how to do Mr. Chan's 'Sebastion'.. Or maybe Mr. Chan can teach Max how to do..

all by myself...

2008-04-23T15:56:00.001+08:00

It is oni NOW that I realize the World Wide Web is such a lonely place.. So lonely in fact, that I have half the heart to actually gossip.. with CAMEL!

But no.. don't worry.. I'm not THAT desperate YET..

Instead, I have decided to put my usual 'jelita chat time' to good use, by updating all you super free wankers who have nothing to do, but, not only read this nonsense of a blog, but ALSO check regularly whether there are new entries or not. (yes.. I am talking about YOU.. no use denying it.. just admit it, you're addicted to this blog)

Well, to date we've got one (upcoming) wedding and a funeral.. Lemme elaborate.

1) Je's getting hitched

To all of you who still don't know that.. Yes.. she's officially off the market.. sorry boys..

And not only that.. Our very own Jelita Ling was also featured in her bestest friend's blog.. And I gotta say this.. Very few people actually make it into that blog, cuz you've gotta be either, a) sleeping with her, b) the person who offended her in some way or other, c) her bestest friend. And clearly, Jelita Ling fits the bill for option C.

You see, Je is well known to be everybody's bestest friend. For some reason or other, all the weirdos just LOVE her.. (except you EJ, you're not a weirdo... really).

Ok ok.. some of you will now be thinking.. "Shit.. is she talking about me?" Well don't plan to shoot me yet. Cuz chances are, the weirdos won't realize I'm talking about them.. and if you are questioning if YOU yourself are the weirdo.. then chances are.. you're not. Kapish?

Ok so where was I? OH yeah.. Everybody loves Je.. Yes they do.. The good and the bad.. The weird and the normal.. Which kinda makes Je a freak show. The weird are the performers, and the normal go there to see (the weird) and Je is the ringmaster. Anyway, having said all that, the usual gang just have to thank Je for embracing her destiny and for taking one for the team.. We love u Je, you know we do.. Don't we Mr. Chan? Cuz if not for her, we'd be the freak show. *high 5*

Oh and congratulations Je on getting hitched (and on being the first of us to get hitched).. hope your love is as perfect here as it is in heaven, (or something like that, was too lazy to look it up.. from the said blog of your bestest friend)

2) Pebbles

The Usual Gang would like to extend our solemnest condolences to Mr. Chan and Cherry for the lost of their puppy cocker spaniel, Pebbles.

To Pebbles,

Though you were part of the Usual Gang only for a week, your presence will be sorely missed. We hope you're happy and free of pain in doggy heaven and we wish you an endless supply of snacks, doggy treats and cuddles, wherever you are.

xx,
Your Usual Gang Aunties and Uncles

3) "Lonely.. Oh so lonely.."

Haha.. no pun intended.. Je you know what I mean. Mr. Chan, when you're free we'll let you in on it.

So, am left alone in the world wide web.

As usual Mr. Chan is no where to be seen, and Je.. well, Je has taken a sabbatical from work AND from my msn chat list. She's no longer online and we have ceased to have our daily dosage of gossip, cock tok and so on and so forth.

Do I miss her? Well of course I do.. (altogether now, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww) do I miss Mr. Chan? Well, that ship sailed LONG ago.. and we've accepted the fact that it's never coming back. So no.. dun miss Mr. Chan.. (altogether now, awwwwwwwwwwww.. I mean, the bad kinda awww)

Yeap.. so like that la, That's all for the updates, I guess one of the surest ways to get Jules to blog is to bore her.. Bore her to blog as opposed to bore her to death..

So, blog d la.. now can please come back online and entertain me?

Melayu day

2008-03-12T17:05:00.000+08:00

Hari ini amatlah bermakna sebab ia menandakan hari yang bersejarah. Kaum Kumpulan Biasa yang Bodoh berbahasa Melayu untuk 5 minit sebab otak tak berkerjasama dengan tangan bila bermsn. Bila tangan nak bertaip dalam Bahasa Melayu, otak terus ambil-alih dan tangan terus berbahasa Inggeris. Tapi, bolehlah jugak. Kita mix and match la. Kan kita tinggal di Malaysia yang berbagai bangsa. Walaupun tak berapa pas tapi janji orang paham. Oleh kerana demikian, Juls dengan saya bersetuju bernotakan hari yang bersejarah ini dalam bahasa Melayu.

Awal hari ini, Encik Chan beronline. Juls dengan saya ingat dia datang online untuk berborak dengan kita tapi amatlah merasa kecewa bila dia beritahu kita bahwa dia datang online bukan nak berborak dengan kita tapi cari orang. Orang yang dicarikan memang bukan kita berdua. Jadi, bermulalah drama yang besar yang direka oleh kita berdua yang bosan sampai nak mati. Apa lagi? Kita bercakap anginlah tentang dia. Orang Inggeris kata gossip. Puas-puas kita cakap walaupun kita paham yang Encik Chan ni orang purba jadi kita mestilah beri dia masa untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan yang berteknologi tinggi. Sekarang, dia tengah belajar bahasa yang baru, kita cakap Inggris tapi dia kata tamadun. Lepas bercakap angin bersungguh-sungguh, sekali lagi, Juls dengan saya bersetuju untuk memberi Encik Chan sokongan tanpa sangsi yang dia akan berubah menjadi masyarakat yang beradab macam kita bedua.

Itulah dia, hari yang teramat bersejarah iaitu, saya dapat menulis lebih 200 perkataan dalam bahasa Melayu. Saya ingin kata bahawa saya amat bangga dengan diri saya sendiri dan saya pasti Juls juga rasa demikian. Macam mana dengan orang purba Encik Chan? *bersungut*

Sekian, salam hormat!

A change is good

2008-03-10T16:59:00.000+08:00

The recent election has proven that if everyone put their hearts and minds to something, a change can happen. Whether or not this change is gonna make the country any better only time will tell. Nevertheless, it’s always for the good.

There were lotsa of emails flying around everywhere just before the election. People were skeptical, uncertain and doubtful. Others make fun of the government and the people involved in the opposition parties. Some make remarks and strong statements such as “Time for change!” said someone. “Enough is enough!” said another person. “Exercise your rights or you have no rights at all!” another exclaimed.

And Malaysians go all out to make that happened! All said and done, I’m glad I was part of the history and I’m hopeful that this is gonna be the best decision ever made in the entire history of mankind! Well done, Malaysians!!

P/S: Mr. Lim, if you are reading this, remember my free laksa and I still haven't recieved the money you promise in exchange for my loyal support. :-)

An Event to Remember…

2008-02-22T12:47:00.001+08:00

Christmas came and went. New Year (2008) came and went. Chinese New Year (Rat year) came and went. The blog is still going slow. And a lot of fans (you know who you are) of our blog have been questioning what’s been happening since Chinese New Year? Is everyone rapture, taken away, abducted by aliens, OR moved out of civilization to join the caveman? NOT!!! As usual, the usual gang just takes it slow and steady. So for all you fans out there, all I can say is… patience is virtue. :)

Recently, we had our usual Chinese New Year gathering at Mr. Caveman Chan’s crib. Ah Lian from China took the trouble to fly all the way back from the freezing Shanghai and so if no gathering, she’ll probably murder all of us. So, no choice, we spent about approx. 10hrs with each other. We watched some movies, had some booze, played some cards, talk some cock, master the game of mahjong and found a new move to the rock, paper and scissors - super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword.

A little background about this rock, paper and scissors:

The conventional Rock, Paper & Scissors goes something like that:

You’ll need two players. Each player thinks of an item that could beat his/her opponent either by choosing rock, paper or scissors. Rock beats the scissors; Paper beats the rock and Scissors beat the paper. Just Google for details.

What about this super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword you must be wondering? How does it fit in? The super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword is a new found move and it basically beats all three rock, paper and scissors. How did this happen? Ask the Ah Lian from China as it all started when we took notice of the top she was wearing.

The move, as displayed below.

The conventional way of playing the game

Super killer move

Ever since discovering this new move, Mr. Caveman Chan is seen playing by himself all the time and mumbling the “super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword” every time. And, he’ll try and get everyone else to play with him

Mr. Chan: Eh eh! Play with me.
Je & Ah Lian from China: No thanks.
Mr. Chan: Please? Pretty please?
Je: Ok. Here goes nothing
Mr. Chan: 1, 2, 3 super-lethal-twin-bladed-samurai-sword! Beat ya!
Je: Eh, I also use the same move leh!
Mr. Chan: But you slower. So I win.
Je: ……

We also had a little mahjong tiles arrangement competition invented by Mr. Caveman Chan. Some of us are still learning the game (I’m one of ‘em) and therefore not experts in arranging tiles like Mr. Chan who claimed to be very good at the game (though he din really win. And even if he did, it’s not those fantastic, over-the-edge kinda wins. Orang Melayu kata ‘chekai’) Nevertheless, we had a great time stressing ourselves out trying to pick up the pace as fast as we can.

Mr. Chan: Ok. 1, 2, 3 arrange the tiles now!
Je: Very pressure la.
Mr. Chan: Winner gets to win a car… And done. I’m the winner again!

And the next round.

Mr. Chan: Ok. 1, 2, 3. Go! Winner gets 5 bucks la this time ok? More reasonable.

While arranging, our dear friend Cherry, Mr. Chan’s love of his life did me a favour by pushing Mr. Chan’s tiles back onto the table and…

Je: Yay! You owe me 5 bucks coz I’m the winner.
Mr. Chan: You cheated!
Je: No, I din!
Mr. Chan: Yes, you did! *whistling.

Other than playing games and drinking our lives away, some of us even took some ‘photos’ to remember this joyous event together.

I must say the photos taken were pretty interesting. I’m sure after viewing the pictures you’ll have to agree with me that the pictures are indeed a masterpiece. The photographer, art director, story teller, script writer, director of photography, cinematographer, and 1st, 2^nd & 3^rd unit director was none other than our Ah Lian from China. The talents were Mr. Caveman Chan and his all time butt bro, EJ. Their performance, simply admirable. The theme of the shoot: Cock Wedding Photos performed by Cock Talents and directed by Cock Director. And viewed by Cock Audiences. So you can imagine the outcome of the photos… A BLAST!

I would like to suggest that you view the photos at your own risk here in this blog but our Ah Lian in China could not show the pictures just yet because she’s turn into ice due to the recent blizzards / snow storm that hit Shanghai. And her camera equipment is stuck in her panties. Authorities are now trying to defrost her so that she can reach in and download the images for all to see. (Ah Lian, if you are reading this, you know what to do). So once again, patience, my dear fans.

After the event, things are pretty much back to normal. Some of us are looking forward to the next big event. I wonder what?

Stay tune for more.

Till next time, this is Anti-Caveman signing off! Cheerioz!

I am Handsome

2008-01-23T14:32:00.000+08:00

Hi,

My name is Handsome.. The other day.. Mummy told me that, Uncle Manson nearly got butt fucked by a buncha' fuckin' indian criminals.. Mummy told me, Uncle Manson very sad and scared after that incident, so I thought I would be nice and do something to cheer Uncle Manson up..

So.. with a bit of help from Mummy.. I made a photo blog specially for Uncle Manson..

This was when I first met Mummy.. of course, that time my Mummy was a different person.. so this Mummy I have now, can consider Mummy II..

Mummy II say I last time very small one.. so small in fact that I can nap comfortably in her lap and can sit my entire ass on her palm.. But now.. I can only fit half my ass on her palm.. and the other half will be spilling over the sides of her hand and through her fingers..

Mummy II told me that when she first met me, I was so cute she couldn't resist 'dognapping' me home for the weekend.. Which I didn't mind at all, because Mummy II gives me lotsa snacks whenever I use my 'super power sucker cuteness' on her, but more of that later..

See my naughty face! I was discovering a bone for the first time.. Didn't amuse me for long though.. cuz I needed to take a piss on the carpet.

Mummy II say that I am fucking 'wai sek'.. Everything she put near my mouth will disappear.. All kinds of rubbish on the floor also disappear.. Once I actually pooped, a plastic piece of garbage.. She say she pengsan..

My Mummy II say I got killer 'cheh li' eyes.. whatever THAT means.. I guess it must mean that I am handsome/good looking since people named me Handsome..

This is my signature 'super power sucker cuteness' look.. Don't underestimate it.. because it gets me lotsa snacks.. Always works with my Mummy II and even huge, macho, grown men fall for it.. So, you better watch out Uncle Manson.. cuz you're next.

It worked... as always..

That's me.. sleeping.. Mummy II doesn't understand how comfortable sleeping like this is.. Yeah.. I know I am flashing everybody.. but so what? Pee pee oni mah.. as if never seen before..

Mummy II always complain that I snore though.. and well.. I guess I do.. sometimes I snore so loud.. I even wake myself up... (Mummy II says: Yes he does.. he did that this morning... )

Anyhow.. that was then.. when I was still super small... NOW... Mummy II says I'm a fucking fatty.. Due to no fault of my own I must say.. Mummy II keep feeding nice things.. I pai seh to turn down her offers.. Anyway.. my doctor say I am still a growing boy.. can eat more..

Oh.. this is me after a long day of eating, shitting, peeing, eating sumore, terrorizing Mummy II, playing, eating, snacking, shitting, peeing and etc..

Living the life of a pug is tiring ok.. need my beauty sleep..

Just woke up.. Shit faced.. Enuff said..

Anyway, I am glad that Uncle Manson didn't get butt probed by those fucking indian criminals.. Mummy II says it's ok to call them fucking indian criminals.. because they are bad people.. she calls me fucking naughty too sometimes..

Yaaa... I am naughty... I am bad.. I am Handsome..

So, till then, be careful and be good everybody.

XOXO,
Handsome

Near Death Experience...

2008-01-02T17:33:00.000+08:00

First of all..Happy New Year to my most beloved ex-housemates, fcuk buddy & affair partner!!

Its been awhile back now since i last blogged...u know la...busy going through Revolution and Evolution...

Revolution:
From Stone Age to Iron Age...still...no internet..

Evolution:
From "Fatboy" to "Fitboy"...(it is still in progress tho..)

Anyway..what's this blog title has anything to do with my Revolution and Evolution?

It happens somewhere mid December 2007..

I was out with Cherrie and a couple of friends to Bambo9 - some new joint in TTDI Plaza..

It was almost 3 am when i reach home. As i was driving Cherrie's car (no parking permit yet), we have to parked it outside of my apartment. Its around 3 mins walk to the guard house of my apartment. As we get down from our car and start walking, i saw a blue Proton Wira pass us by. I did not suspect anything coz it seems like an ordinary car.

That car made a U-turn (for those who dunno what's a U-Turn, just google it) at about 100 meters in from of us and pass us by again. This time..i noticed 4 motherfucking Indians stare cock at me. Their stares made me feel uncomfortable and so i put on my alert and walk a little faster.

Feeling uncomfortable, i turn around and look again to ensure the car is not what i've suspected.When i turn my head and look, the same car made a U-turn again. This time i know something very wrong is gonna happen and so i told Cherrie (who's a little tipsy..heheh) to walk faster.

True enough, the card sped down towards us and no, it did not crash on us but they stopped in front of us (kinda like blocking our way).

Note: There were 4 mmotherfucking Indians...

When they stopped, the one from the passenger seat (next to the driver) open its door and said "Bang..nak tumpang tanya jalan" = ("bro...can i ask you for some directions?").

When they made their second U-turn and stopped their car in front of us i know that this is not as simple as asking direction furthermore it was 3 am in the morning and so i am ready for the worse to happen - kidnap, rob, sodomy, etc.

My biggest worry was Cherrie as there has been alot of kidnapped cum robbery cum rape cases around.

Before the guy that asked for direction came down, another Indian fuck rush out from the back seat with a iron rod = its those "L" shape iron rod that you use to unscrew those nuts on your tyres.

Anyway, he was coming at us really fast and i have no choice but to asked Cherrie as fast as she can...just run...She did but fell down on the street.

My biggest worry was the guy with the iron rod. I know that if that iron rod got me, its either i'm dead or unconcious. I told myself that i must dodge that iron rod, at least i can still put up a fight should anything worse happened.

As i was dodging, i was cornered by the first Indian guy that asked for directions. It was really scary and of coz i am scared too. The guy was pushing me until i have no room to dodge no more. He threw a punch on my face.

I can tell that the guy with the iron rod was hesitating to used it. But anyway, he was standing in front of Cherrie (who fell on the ground) and he was doing nothing..he didn't take her handbag or kidnapped her...he just stood there with the iron rod.

The moment i got that punch, somehow, i was not scared anymore..somehow..and i was really pissed when i got that blow on my chin. I stood up straight again and i cursed to that fucking Indian with some chinese verbs...He looked surprised, and as i was marching towards him, i tried to punch that fucker but he manage to dodge it. At the same time, Cherrie got up from the ground again and shouted "TOLONG..TOLONG"..(Help..help)..
At the same time again, a big belly malay man came out (with his sarong) and shouted at those indian fucks.

The two fuckers start to back up and ran towards their getaway car and sped off.

There are 3 reasons why they sped off:
1) Someone came out and shouted. Which means that they are being noticed.
2) Amateurs criminals. You can tell by their hesitation, especially that guy with the iron rod.
3) Too long of a time taken to achieve what they wanna do, let it be rob, kidnapped, etc.

With the commotion, some neighbours came down to help us. Since they're gone, so i walk backed to my apartment and the guard asked me what happen.

Those neighbours that came down to lend a helping hand query also. So i told them what happen. These bunch of guys (mixture of singh, indian, chinese) was nice enough to check on me to ensure that i was not slashed or cut or stab or club.

Thank God, nothing happen to Cherrie - just some minor scratch from her fell.

I went to the police station to file a report that very night.

I must say that we were very lucky to have met such amateurs else, i will not be sitting here, smoking my ciggies, sharing my experience, and most of it all, Cherrie is safe with me and always will be.

Maybe an angel was looking after us??..that gave me the strengh to fight back when i got that blow on my chin??..or perhaps the malay guy that shouted WAS the angel??..or perhaps Cherrie's voice of "TOLONG...TOLONG"..scared them???..never know..At the end of it, i just thank god that nothing happen to both of us, especially Cherrie.

So guys, whenever and wherever it is, stay alert always, dun go home so late, should you walk..make it in a group. The place we're in is no longer safe...and i do not want anything to happen to anyone of you guys...

And so here's my near death experience to share.

till my next blog...this is Caveman-in-revolution signing out...

Cherrio..!!..

Rot rot rot...

2007-12-03T13:23:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while since some kind soul blogged. And wonder who’s at fault? It has to be none other than the hibernating, cave-wandering, 21st century sakai, Mr. Caveman Chan. As I was pondering bout how our beloved blog is rotting like our mother earth, I suddenly realize that I could actually do something bout it. Not the mother earth part but the blogging part (Don’t get me wrong, I do my part in preserving the earth. Just goggle for more info if ya wanna help too.) So here I am again, trying my very best to rescue/restore our forsaken blog. And how am I gonna do that? I simply blog!

Earlier, I spoke to Juls about our blog and how it would be nice if someone would to do something bout it and not let it continue to rot. *Hint hint. But I guess everyone has run out of inspiration. There I was searching for some form of inspiration so that I can type them down here for all to see but inspiration just won’t come. And so I decided to give y’all a little update on things.

Mr. Chan and I met up two Saturdays ago and we sorta talk about ‘future plans’. No no. Mr. Chan and I are not together though we happened to be affair partners. Plus, affair partners will forever be affair partners. That’s all. Case close. Not sure bout fcuk buddies though. I’ll leave that to Juls to explain.

As I was saying, we were just discussing our individual life plans. His future plans and my future plans – separately. We were saying that at our age, people around us will either be married, planning for their marriage or making babies. Reason for the topic is because; I must say that the last quarter of my 2007 has been occupied by weddings after weddings. Since Sept 2007, I’ve been attending two weddings on average every month all the way till Dec 2007. It’s not only tiring but also very exhausting. Some weddings I look forward to attend but for others I just oblige.

It’s not very often we get to talk bout serious stuff especially not with our Caveman. The information I gathered from him tells me that he’ll be a cherry picker until he’s 30 before he decides on which category he would like to fall into. Maybe skip the marriage part and jump right into making babies? Nah! Don’t think so. Because; our lives are planned out for us in a way. The pattern is the same for most individuals – you’re born, you went to school/college/university, you started working, met the gal/guy of your dreams, get married and have kids, retire and then rot and die. But of course there are certain individuals who decide to stay single forever, jumping from one partner to another, one life to the other and getting there too – grow old, rot and die.

Even with the usual gang, the patterns are similar. We graduated, started working and now, our topic is who’s gonna get married first? Perhaps now we all have something to talk about? Some inspiration we can all write down? A new phase we can all look forward to? And our blog will once again un-rot itself and function well to its fullest capacity!

Until then, here’s ex-housemate no. 2 signing off. Live life to the fullest!

As usual la.. The usual gang of idiots

2007-10-01T19:55:00.000+08:00

People say.. "a picture speaks a thousand words".. I say.. "Fuck that!" because.. if you think that is very terror.. then what I am about to tell you will blow your mind.

Ready?

Mr. Chan created a NEW LANGUAGE..

It's called.. Mandonese. It is a hybrid combo of Mandarin and Cantonese. Some might call it bullshit.. some might call it bahasa celup.. But.. I call it a freaking masterpiece..

Though I don't think romanizing it for you here will do it any justice.. cuz for the full impact of Mandonese to take effect you've gotta hear if from the horse's.. I mean.. caveman's.. wait.. no.. I meant... Mr. Chan's mouth.

When spoken, was so mind blowing, that it rendered Jelita, Cherry and myself.. speechless... and then.. it moved us to tears.. tears of laughter that is.. So ok.. Lemme TRY and give u an example of some of the phrases Mr. Chan vocalized for us..

*ahem*..

You can try and verbalize on your own..

It's very simple.. when it reads like Mandarin just say the Mandarin word.. but when you get to Cantonese words.. just add a Mandarin slang to it..

Exhibit A:
"Wo ken ni shuor wha, hui pau huet kun ar!"
I speak to you, vein can explode ar!

Exhibit B:
"Wo de huet ngak ee chee shang, ee chee shang ar!"
My blood pressure keep going up, and up ar!

Exhibit C:
"Ni chu cher ni the lao ma ler!"
You go eat your old mother ler!

Exhibit D:
"Ni chu cher ni ter chun tai ler!"
You go eat your ball sacks/balls/bollocks ler!

These are the only ones I remember.. as for the rest, laugh until roll on floor then forget d..

It'll help if Mr. Chan can help contribute to his Mandonese - English Phrasebook.. But then again... I'm sure in the cave got no internet connection one la.. either that or he's too busy talking to his kids.. Baby Pee and Baby Hehtch...

So.. I guess that's all for now folks..

Oh wait... got one more thing..

Meet my new boyfriend.... haha.. Eat your heart out Mr. Chan!

This blog was brought to you by the letters P, the letter H and the number 5 (that's the number of people in the Usual Gang).

Those were the days...

2007-09-12T17:00:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a while now since my last post…(about 6 months??..)..

hey..like I said..”busy ma…”.. = TRUE

and like my housemates said..“cavemen waiting for civilization..” = FALSE

anyway..a little different about this blog as it has nothing to do with my housemates. This is one of my many deprived teenage stories that I find it interesting to share. All these long lost stories came back several days ago during a usual “yam cha” session with my gangs, you know who you are, and for those who don’t, they are as below:

William “the lembu”
Bee “the tallest guy”

and others not mentioned as this blog only relates to the above 2 and myself.

As usual, the few of us, sitting around the café, smoking, drinking (teas and beers), surfing the internet (mostly checking on football odds and betting), checking out friendster and start criticizing other people’s photo (for those who know us, you know how we “criticize”. Yeah…we have a bad mouth but we’re all a bunch of good-hearted charming gentlemen….)

….
…
….
…

No..seriously…we are good-hearted charming gentlemen..

…
…

really…

…
..

anyway…
…
the session started with a some decent talks and as usual..

William: eh..where’s Wai Kin (WK)??
Manson: dunno leh…bee never call meh?
Bee: fuck dude…I forgot..call him and see wanna come out yam cha or not..

It was 10++ pm – close to 11 (I think) and its raining..

William: (calling WK)..oi…apa buat..come to Subang yam cha la..
WK: *mumble..mumble..*
William: haiyah…wussy la..okla..(click *call ended*)
William: the fella say very far and raining and late already wo.. wussy la..
Bee & Manson: yeah…wussy!

William: eh..call Danny also la..
Bee: call la..call la..(busy betting)
William: (calling Danny)..

* just a quick intro on Danny. The outlook of this dude looks like some Japanese (run-dog, sell-country-theif = Direct translation to Cantonese please) male porn star but of coz we know he’s not of those qualities…not even near…but from his outlook you can see that this guy is rugged, not too bad looking, heavily tattoed body, pierced here and there..WOW…macho huh??...that’s what I thought BUT…

William: Danny…kat mana…come out yam cha now..subang..ss15..we’re all here..
Danny: aiyohh…now only you call me ar?...
William: yala..still early mar..come la..
Danny: bro..i just put on my mask la…
William: ……
Danny: hang on dude…let me put on speaker mode…just got fresh cucumber covered on my eyes..

William:……
Bee:……
Me: ……..

Danny:…ahhhh…..refreshing and rejuvenating..hmmm…nice…ok..like I said..i can’t…
William: …(*click…call ended*)
William: we just lost a friend on a tragic incident…
Bee: ….lord safe his soul..
Me: …..as he walk to the valley of the shadow of death…he shall fear no cucumbers…

Anyway…the session carries on with the usual “cock talking, song singing”… and out of the blue, the memories of our *After School Activities* comes back into our mind…the all time favorite “RM4.99” story…

It was back in 1994-5. yeah…10+ years ago…where we’re only Form 3-4 and where a McD’s value meal only cost approximately RM 4.99. Wow … I know…dirt cheap right?

I still remember then…there wasn’t much choice of meals offered:

Big Mac mealMcChicken meal
Fillet-O-Fish meal
Double Cheeseburger meal

That’s all as far as I can recall.

During then, Bee stay in USJ 2, William and I live in SS18. We always meet on the same bus to Subang Parade (it was happening then ok?..Pyramid is still an empty mining pond).

How did we manage to get into the same bus?...soon…

Usually our Subang Parade – value meal project, code name “4.99” occur on Friday as school finish early.

First off, the normal routine in school:

Class >> Class >> peeping >> sleeping >> paper planes >> oogies (just google “oggies” for more info) >> light exercise which includes pulling-the-bra-strap-of-the-girl-in-front-of-you-way-4-5-inches-back-and-let-go 500 meter sprint >> recess activities which includes hitting-your-friend-real-hard-at-the-back-and-run-like-hell round the school in 45 seconds sprint, telling girls dirty jokes, chopping, catching, impressing girls with your FIVE STONE skills after long hours of “in-house un-disclosed” *FIVE STONE* training and so much more.

*riiinnnggggg…..*

school’s over and as usual, loafing around the school gate is compulsory.

William: so so…what to do later?
Bee: dunno lehh
Me: yala..what to do ar?
William: Subang Parade lar..!!..
Bee and Me: JOM!!!...

Together: CUuuuuuuuUuUuuunnNnNNnnn.....

*somehow, every week (Friday especially) we ask the same question and ended up in the same place – Subang Parade, McDonald’s.

Now back to the question on how we manage to get into the same bus? Here it goes:

Once the time to go Subang Parade is confirmed, Bee (being the one staying furthest among us) would call either me or William to let us know that he’s coming out from the house to the bus stop.

Either William or I will inform with each other (depending who Bee calls). William and I would then proceed to the nearest bus stop to wait for the bus that Bee would be in. Timing is crucial here as we could miss or ended up early to Subang Parade before Bee does.

So far, we always ended up in the same bus as Ah Bee would stand near the door to signal us. We know he will not be in the bus if he’s not standing by the door and we will just wait for the next bus.

and THIS is HOW we manage to meet each other on the same bus..
*HIGH FIVE..*

1st Activity:
Once we’re there, the very first stop: McD’s – 4.99 value meal.
- One burger
- One large fries
- One large Coke
Satisfying!!

2nd Activity:
What other than playing “catching” in Subang Parade?!...classic…

Location:
1) Subang Parade itself
2) Toys R’ Us

3rd Activity
Sword fighting in Toys R’ Us.

After intensive of catching and chasing each other, nothing is more relaxing than some ”sword fighting” via baseball bats. You know how toys r’ us used to sell baseball bats ranging from those metal ones, wood, plastic with assorted sizes. Each of us would choose a piece – usually plastic as it is more quiet compare to wood or metal ones and of coz..less painful

“draw your swords…begin…”…the competition would last until some Toys R’ Us personnel walk by or caught our action via CCTV and would warn us.

Finale:
Ok now that we cannot conclude who’s the real sword master..let’s go home la…almost time for dinner lo…

Usually, we will walk all the way from Subang Parade back to our home as to wait for a bus will take a million years..

Bee would normally join us too. Half way down the road –

PIT STOP: what else but cendol and rojak – For those who stay in Subang would know this Cendol and Rojak stall in SS15. I dunno what makes this rojak stall so famous. Every fucking day, ppl line up in hot sun, fucking hot like 40 degrees hell burning HOT!!..Ppl still line up. Under any whether conditions, still..ppl would line up…I’m not talking about a queue of 5 or 6 but like 15 to 20!!!...

It was reported that some of their customer’s were blown away during a heavy down pour in Subang once.

Casualties = 6, Missing = 2, Other = got their Rojak..

Anyway, we were there lining up too..

Me: eh..dinner soon la..cendol enuff la…ONE CENDOL pls..
Bee: yala….One for me too..
William: aiseh…one where got enuff lar..BOSS…DUA KASI….BESAR..TAMBAH PULUT…

*sluurrrpppp……* ahhhh…*burp..* nice…

the journey continues…

William: dude…wait….fuck man..i dun feel good la..(already squatting down next to the drain..)
Bee: must be the TWO CENDOL BESAR la…serves u right..
William: feel like puking lehh…*buurrppp..*..shit…
Me: HAHAHHHA>>.
Bee: HAHAHAHAH..
Me: eh how la..faster la…dinner starting dee la…how you fe…(before I could finish my sentence..)

William: *YYaaaaAaaAakKkkKkkk….* = all the green cendols, the “jagungs”, the red beans, and some pulut (RICE) gushing out from his throat and some from the nostril with some greenish-half digested-worm-look-alike-cendol hangin’ there.…

Bee and Me: FUCK…!!!...HAHAHAHAHAHH,..

William: hahahahhaha…..ohhh…oooo…* YyaaaAaAaAkkkKkkKkk….*

After some intense vomiting, the journey continues…

First to go off..me..
Second, William
and Third, Bee.

He will take a bus home as his house is getting too far for his feet..

This is only the beginning of our journey..

Stay Tune for “Friday Night Outing”..

Till next blog, this is “the-no-longer-caveman Caveman” signing off..

An update for Mr. Caveman Cherry Picking Chan

2007-07-05T11:22:00.000+08:00

So time flies as always. Another month passed without much happening for the three ex-housemates. Though world’s apart, they continue to keep the friendships going. Just the other day, Juls reminded Je about how weird their ‘threesome’ relationship turns out to be.

Juls: Come to think of it… We’re not really best friends but yet at the same time, we just get each other. Even after we don’t so each other for a long time.
Je: Uh-huh. Otherwise we won’t call ourselves idiots right?
Juls: Haha! What weird relationships we have. Come together only like we never left Perth.
Je: That’s what makes us one of a kind.
Juls: It’s like we’ll know what each other will say next.
Je: Awww….
Juls: Awww… so mushy.
Je: Isnt’ life wonderful?
Juls: So touching.
Je: Yeah.
Juls: Wanna go touch Mr. Chan now?
Je: Sure.
Juls: This kinda friendship can last forever.
Je: Mr. Chan doesn’t realize what he’s missing.
Juls: Oh yeah. The last I heard he’s gone cherry picking.
Je: Yeah right. He’s homeless now so he roams the street to find walls to draw. We call it vandalism. He calls it art.
Juls: Haha! That’s so mean. But I like.

And so it was for poor Caveman Cherry Picking Chan, homeless as his cave is flooded with the downpour that happened not too long ago.

Wonder why we always pick on Caveman Cherry Picking Chan? Call 1-800-I’m Caveman, the Cherry picker to find out more.

Anyway, recently some ‘intruder’ visited Juls in BJ. If you remember from the previous blogs, there was an intruder besides the three housemates. I mean four housemates. This ‘intruder’ likes to surf. Drop a glass of water on the floor and you see him jumping for it with or without his suit. He did not go to BJ just to see Juls but to work.

Before he even gets to BJ, he drops Juls a few sms-es asking her to meet up with him. And Juls, being the nice lady politely refuse him. The day of his arrival came and Juls found out from him that he’s just staying at the hotel near her workplace. And again, he asks Juls if she free to meet up.

Intruder: Hi! Free to catch up?
Juls: Very busy. Don’t think so.
Intruder: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you stay over at my place and we can catch up all night long.
Juls: Wow! That’s wonderful. No! What do you take me for? What? Stay over? So easy? You think I work 'part time' at night as well? Beijing got a lot fo pretty girl go find yourself one?
Intruder: Sorry. I didn’t mean anything from my invitation. What u thinking? I just thought since during the day you not free can catch up at night ma
Juls: Oh pls! I know you too well! You’re not that simple. Don’t hide behind being nice when you are a wolf in sheep’s skin.
Intruder: Could you please relax?
Juls: No I can't relax... cuz it's u.. and knowing u... it’s not that simple.. Gosh some things never change.. still dunno the meaning of respect.
Intruder: Like I said, I did not mean anything.
Juls: There are many ways to meet up.. I dun have to stay over!

Flashback:
Intruder and Juls were once ‘room mates’ in good ol’ Perth. They had a contract or some sort. “We stay together happily for now and we go separate ways after Perth”. Because of the contract, whatever the Intruder wants, Juls will give, including washing his undies and bringing his slippers. The rest of us housemates couldn’t say anything to her as she enjoys doing all that. But, something happened after we left Perth and they never did meet up or catch up or keep in touch until recently of course.

Juls have moved on in her life. Move to a new place, not forgetting a new country, single. And the Intruder found out that she’s in BJ and single took the opportunity to fly there for ‘work’ but in actual fact, he wants to ‘catch up’ with Juls. He believes that it’s fate that the company has to send him over to BJ to work for a month. And he believes that he could patch things up with Juls. Fat chance! At least for now.

Since the Intruder couldn’t get through to Juls, he decided to talk to Je about it.

Intruder: Hey, she super sensitive man i will not be meeting Juls anymore freaking irritated by her! Asked her if she day time not free maybe if she dun mind can come over stay for a nite. Then she say I dun respect her and say I not that simple.
Je: Why did you invite her to stay over at your place in the first place?
Intruder: No lah I invited her coz she keep saying she very busy. My bed so big.
Je: Eh, hello. She is a girl la. What kinda message you sending to her by inviting her over to sleep on your very big bed?
Intruder: But I already said I’m sorry mar.
Je: Well yeah. But she’s already offended by you.
Intruder: Then just forget it. I’ll treat her like she never exists.
Je: Ok lor. If you say so.
Intruder: Then what are you suggesting?
Je: I’m not suggesting anything. You said you wanna treat her like she doesnt’t exist, so be it.
Intruder: All I ever wanted is to keep in touch with her. Just wanna catch up. Why she has to treat me like that?
Je: Some times when someone is hurt, the scars remain forever.
Intruder: I’ll drop her a message later. If she still cari pasal, I’ll just forget it.
Je: Up to you.

Of course Juls came to know of the whole story she was super pissed. Well, all these issues are part of life. Or else, there’s nothing else to blog about. No gossips, no stories, no nothing. Life would be extremely boring talking about Camel only.

So here it is, another update from the three idiots.

Until next time, this is “caught in between” signing off. Be good boys and girls!

The Simple Life

2007-05-31T20:03:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while since someone actually blog something. At the moment, it seems like only Juls and myself are keeping the blog alive. I wonder why?

Nothing much happened since Juls’ last blog. Camel is still as camel as can be. Mr. Cherry Berry Chan is still stuck in some forsaken caveland praying for civilization so that someday he can have access to some Internet connection. We’ve stopped sending hate mail to him knowing that he’ll probably take another century before he gets to read those messages.

Anyway, here’s an update:

Apr
Both Mr. Chan and I attended a close friend’s engagement party at this place called Marketplace where people who love doing marketing meet together to discuss on the best place to go marketing. The place is kinda hidden. It’s one of those places where you don’t really want people to know where you are. But don’t get me wrong, our close friend is really decent. She’s just a bit twisted in the head that’s all.

So, before the party, both Mr. Chan and I went hunting for pressie. I mean it's not nice to attend a close friend's engagement party empty handed. After picking him up from him house, he told me that he has lost his wallet.

Mr. Chan: Pukimek I lost my wallet. Technically.
Je: When? Where?
Mr. Chan: At this bank in 15 la. I only realise that I lost it as I was driving on the main road d. Then I U-turn balik to look for it. I found my wallet but they money I just withdrew... Gone! I asked the nearby security guard and he said "tak tau". I suspect he took it!
Je: Aiyoh... But the good thing is your IC and everything else is there?
Mr. Chan: But I took out the rest of my money from the bank. So now, I'm penniless.
Je: Aww... so poor thing.

We arrived at 1-U not long after the sad news and started our shopping. We went to this shop called Ruums and checked out some of their items.

Mr. Chan: Eh, you think she would like a Dildo?
Je: For what? That could be an insult ok. She's got her husband mar.
Mr. Chan: Oh yeah. What bout some hand cuffs? Or dog chain? Or... eh check this out... Chocolate spray? Coool!!
Je: .....
Mr. Chan: Look at this police uniform... Got holes all over it... What you think?
Je: I think I'll get there for you when you are engaged.
Mr. Chan: Promise arr. Thanks!
Je: How bout these pillow cases? They need to sleep anyway.
Mr. Chan: "I like your fat ass”. Eh eh… how’s this? Boleh?
Je: No.
Mr. Chan: “Lick me”. Eh eh.. this one speaks about her man. Haha!
Je: …
Mr. Chan: “Make love not war”
Je: That sounds a bit more decent.
Mr. Chan: She not so decent lor.
Je: Well ya but her husband is.
Mr. Chan: Ok lor. Who pay arr?

Well, knowing that Mr. Chan is penniless, Je did the right thing.

After paying for it we decided to go for a drink.

Je: Wei, I buy you drink la you no money.
Mr. Chan: Can you buy me lunch, dinner and supper as well?
Je: ……

Not long after that came the day of the party.

The party was pretty cool. The couple and the people there were pretty cool too, especially when they invited people like us to the party. Ahheeemmm!! Except for erm… camel. Well, she got invited to the party as well together with her partner, who sat with us all night listening to our bull-shit stories. Mr. Chan was absolutely delighted to see her there. I mean, after such a long time. It’s good to see some really old flame, catch up a lil and who knows…..

We also managed to catch up with other old friends, in particular this one person whose name is… let’s call her ‘S’ who ended up talking bull-shit stuff with Mr. Chan all night long. That really kept us entertained the whole night long.

E.g. of a bull-shit conversation is as below:

Mr. Chan: Eh, I heard arr… someone is still bujang lapuk arr… (Referring to his old flame)
S: Bujang lapuk? Please more like bujang reput la! You blind is it?
Mr. Chan: Am-Bank mar…. *theng theng theng theng theng theng theng theng

Also, Mr. Chan recalled a conversation he had with S earlier that week. More like a prank call he did on her:

Mr. Chan: (Disguising as someone else) Hello is that Miss S? The platinum card you applied for is ready… Kindly pick it up at our bank located at….
S: Wait a min. I did not apply for any platinum card. What kind of bank is that? Do you give your card away freely?
Mr. Chan: We are a decent bank. I have your application form right in front of me and you signed it. I can fax it right back to you.
S: When did I apply? Are you sure it’s not forged? Who was the sales person?
Mr. Chan: I’m sorry ma’am; I’m only in charge of calling the customer. But if you would like, I can give you my supervisor’s name and telephone number.
S: (Sounding really pissed now) Give it to me now!
Mr. Chan: His name is spelled: M.A.N.S.O.N. C.
S: Manson Chan Keng Yew!!! F**k man!!

During the bull-shit session, camel was seen busy ‘entertaining’ the guests as though it’s her engagement party. She went round taking photos of people and once in a while she’ll interrupt the session, “Come come, take picture….” “Stand up la” “You and Mr. Chan take together…” “Come group photo, group photo…” Till today, I've not seen single photo that she took on that night.

Her partner was seated together with us that whole time and once in a while he’ll give a comment or two as she went round ‘entertaining’ the guests. At times he simply appeared to be non-existent. Poor guy.

That’s the highlight for April.

May
I was away at Cameron Highlands for some company thing. It’s a yearly affair where people get together to eat, drink and be merry. We’ve got everything planned out perfectly until when we got there because it rained day and night the whole time we were there. Hence, we have to do more indoors than outdoors. But the good thing was I still get to enjoy my tea and scones at the Smokehouse and subsequently at the BOH tea plantation. It was a good time to relax to a certain extend.

There were a few interesting events that captured my attention. On the way to Cameron, we stop at this rest house to pee and rest. My colleague found a wallet belonging to someone else with some money and a torn photograph in it. Initially he was thinking of taking it and that he was lucky to be able to find money to spend at Cameron. But being a civilized person, I told him not to take it due to a few reasons: The person could be looking for it, a curse could follow the person who took it (the torn photograph) and it’s bad to take things that do not belong to you. He reluctantly put it back. I took a picture of it. Feel free to view it:

On the way down from Cameron, we stopped at an Orang Asli hut as my colleague was really interested in taking a picture of the old and traditional looking house. When asked if he could take a picture, the Orang Asli asked for money and in return will pose for the photographer like a professional model. With his dark looking feature and short and stubby body, we pass.

Not long after that incident, we saw some girls holding umbrellas squatting by the side of the road. Curious to know what’s going on, we stopped the car and got down to find that the girls were actually releasing themselves. My boss tried to take a picture of them but to no avail. Too bad, Mr. Chan no photos of pretty girls releasing themselves behind the bushes. All you get is this:

Phtographer in action

That’s the highlight for May.

June
Too early to talk bout it right now but I’m sure Juls will have lots to tell after erm… I shall leave the story to the story-teller.

Until next time, be good boys and girls!

Cobwebs, crickets, moths & spiders

2007-05-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

I was having a no-brainer week... Golden Week just finished and I was having an extra one week off because I was sleeping with the boss.. haha.. kidding..

Anyway, I was having an extra one week off because my mom was around and yeah.. like I said earlier.. I was having a no-brainer week... until this.....

jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:31 PM)
wei
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:42 PM)
can i suggest that u blog?
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:46 PM)
coz our blog got cobweb d
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:40:59 PM)
and got crickets living in there
jeli® (林华诗) says: (7:41:06 PM)
moths and spiders too
Julie says: (8:31:21 PM)
wahhhh why me?
jeli® (林华诗) says: (8:31:42 PM)
coz u r the freest among all
Julie says: (8:32:42 PM)
meanie!!!
Julie says: (8:32:57 PM)
get mr chan to blog la...
jeli® (林华诗) says: (8:33:07 PM)
i think when he does
jeli® (林华诗) says: (8:33:14 PM)
the blog will b moldy d
Julie says: (8:33:16 PM)
...
Julie says: (8:33:28 PM)
ok ok.. i will blog... but just because u asked so politely

and so.. here I am.. trying to rummage my mind for something remotely interesting to blog about. Lemme tell ya... it's not very successful.

Hmm... since I can't really think of anything.. I shall give everybody a rundown on what has been happening in my life for the past two months or so... good? Well, not good also no choice..

Sometime in March
Got a new addition to the household..
It is white, battery operated, it vibrates and keeps me entertained for hours..
No.. Mr. Chan.. it is not a vibrator...
It is the Nintendo Wii.. no... the machine does not vibrate.. the controllers do..
I must say.. this little thing full of fun and surprisingly cheap.. cheaper than the PS3 actually.
With the Wii, you can actually play tennis, golf, bowling, boxing and baseball.. all requires actual game skills, i.e. for tennis you must know how to do your back swings, smashes, fore hands and so on and so forth..
A whole lotta fun and it provides a rather tiring workout too... really..

April 15th
My mom came to visit.

May 30th
The start of the Golden Week in China (it's actually an extended Labour Day holiday).
During this week, we took my mom to the Great Wall of China and the Summer Palace.. the Great Wall was quite good... but the Summer Palace was marred by the shitloads of people and the bright, hot, sun.. so.. didn't enjoy the Summer Palace, we'll probably go there again during the dead of winter... so that we can have the place all to ourselves.

May 8th
Back to work... but not for me.. I'm still on holiday for a week.. haha.. Did nothing but bum around and chill... Also caught up on all my series, like Lost, Desperate Housewives and Heroes.. Also discovered a new comedy group, called the Axis of Evil.. (Je, Mr. Chan go download... not as funny as Russell Peters... but still quite funny. Oh wait.. Je, go download.. then pass to Mr. Chan.. I think in the cave got no broadband, right?)

May 11th
Je's request for me to blog came through.. so am now blogging.

June & beyond
I think we are all waiting for some drama to happen in the month of June, yes? Well, I'll blog about it when it happens... or doesn't happen.. whichever.. for now.. this will have to do... although.. I do hope that the caveman or the bride-to-be will blog.. even though it might consist of primitive drawings on a cave wall.. or a whole list of themed weddings such as Hawaiian, Indian, Bangali, Bangla (oh.. no.. this one reserved for someone else), Arabian (eh.. wait.. this one also reserved di).. and so on...

Till then... this is the free-est ex-housemate of all.. signing off.

Fat Boy

2007-03-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

Everyone is hinting that I must blog or else I sin against them. So, here's my blog.

No doubt Chinese New Year came and went by quickly, but some memories lived on somehow. I'm sure many years from now, we'll all look back at our silliness and we'll probably wonder why we did what we did.

Mr. Cherry Berry Chan is trying to redeem himself by writing a long blog. Well, he did kinda redeem himself. Both Juls and I are very forgiving and so we thought maybe we should give the poor fella another chance. Just when we thought we could drop the whole 'nickname' idea, something else came along.

Remembering Juls' blog about our CNY gathering where we took some obscene pictures, mostly caressing and molesting Mr. Cherry Berry Chan, there's one particular picture that I really like: Both Juls and I touching, molesting Mr. Cherry Berry Chan. I like the fact that the three of us took the picture together. I like the fact that Mr. Chan looks like he's high or something. I like that fact that we're all happy together. I mean not literally but well, we're just happy. That picture is stuck on my mobile phone wallpaper since the day we took that picture. Nothing much happen for a while. Work began and life is back to normal again. Duties to fulfill, deadlines to meet and not to mention, sleepless nights.

One day, while discussing a new project with one of my colleagues, he decided to play with my mobile phone as we're out of ideas. All of a sudden, he exclaimed loudly, "Oh my gosh!! What the f**k did you do?" I was like... what's wrong with this guy? Did he just see a ghost while holding my mobile?

Colleague: That poor fat boy! What did you girls do to him?
Je (not looking at him): What what?? Could you please keep it down, I'm trying to concentrate here.
Colleague: Look here. Your mobile.
Je: What about it?
Colleague: You girls... you and your friend molesting the fat boy....
Je: What did you call him??
Colleague: And both of you looked really happy doing it.
Je: ......
Colleague: Did the fat boy cry?
Je: (Couldn't hold it in any longer) Hahahahahaha!!!
Colleague: Laugh some more.
Je: First of all, he is not fat though he did put on some fair bit of weight. Secondly, he simply enjoyed the company ok. We did not make him cry or anything. He made us do what we did...
Colleague: Hahahaha!!! I wished I'm in his position....
Je: And thirdly, I'll tell him about this new nick name. I din realize he'll be called a fat boy!! Hahahaha!! And please, if you are in that fat boy's position, no one's gonna go near you, ok?
Colleague: ........
Je: Juls is gonna like this, man!!

So we continued with our disucssion for a while. The whole time I thought about the 'fat boy' and how he'd love his new nickname.

Finally, my discussion is over. I went back to my place and quickly drop Juls a message on her msn. She replied me much later but it's ok. I told her about my encounter with my colleague and about the fact that Mr. Cherry Berry Chan got a new nickname that suits him well. Not that he's really that fat but u you know, he has more fats than any of us put together. Again, I'm not implying that he's fat though when he walks the floor beneath him shakes. And he's so big that he blocks the sun from shinning. Look, I'm not even suggesting that he's fat just err... a little bigger than the rest of us.

After talking to her about it, I decided to blog about it. Thanks to Juls who advise me so wisely about what to do with the latest information that I receive about our new 'fat boy' nickname.

And so, my blog is finally complete. Till next time, take care of yourself and of each other.....

I'm Back Again....

2007-03-13T19:44:00.000+08:00

Friday: Was on leave. 8.55 in the morning. Nothing to do..nothing’s on TV either..no I dun have a fridge yet. So I turn on the computer with the hopes of no hatred mail from my fellow housemates – Juls and Je for not being online and most of all for not being blogging…their hate mail can be nasty. Examples below
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hate mail from Juls.
Cc: Je

Hey there…how’s things?..oh yea..i blog..so check it out. And Mr Cherry Berry Chan?..we have not heard from you…no blog..no email…what are you trying to prove?...you wanna die?..DO U WANNA DIE??..I’LL KILL YOU!!...I’LL MURDER YOU…!!..yes I might be in china but I have CONNECTIONS!!...i’ll FUCKING rip your balls off and roll it to Beijing…and cut off your DICK and feed the dog in BEIJING!!..

From Beijing with Love,
Juls.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hate mail from Je
Cc: Juls

Hey Juls…your blog was so darn funny good one..!!..and yea Mr Chan..what happen to you lar??...when are you gonna blog? Or you dun intend to??...try not blogging by end of March 2007…I’ll shove a baseball bat up your ass!!..I’LL ASK EUGENE TO FUCK YOU…!!!...oh wait…you and Eugene will probably enjoy that..I’LL FUCKING BLEND YOUR DICK AND DRINK IT like a cocktail and call it BLOODY DICKY!!...you know I am capable of that!!...I’LL FUCKING PUT A 6’inch SCREW AND SCREW IT UP YOUR PEE HOLE..!!...you feeling it??...you feeling the pain now??..YOU FEELING ME??!!!..

With lots of love,
Je

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I’m blogging now…

Friday: Was on leave. 9.15 in the morning. “..we came to see the mOBSCENE..i know it isn’t your scene…it’s better than a sex scene…yeah it’s so fucking OBSCENE..OBSCENE yeeeeaaaa….” – what else…a Marilyn Manson song playing from my machine while I was wondering what the fuck is happening with my modem, connection, bla bla..trying to fix it but nothing works…

Friday: Was on leave. 9.40 in the morning. Gave up…when to the balcony with my cup of morning tea…light up a ciggy…clad only with my simpson boxie…(yea..if you can remember..yup..the one from Perth, Australia, MATE!)..Watching the cars or perhaps people who wakes up at late and rushing to work…sardine buses speeding like “shuey”..

“tsk tsk…poor fellows…rushing to work…get sardined in the bus..*sluuuuurrrppps..* ahhh…tsk tsk…sigh…that’s why..wake up late summore…tsk tsk…typical Malaysians….*slluuuurrrrpppss..*

At 10.00am. Decided to call up streamyx to give them a “go”…just for boredom sake..

”tuut…tuut”…

“welcome to TM….bla bla..press 1 for English…2 for hokkien…3 for hakka…4 for mandarin…(then there was a pause of silent….then It goes again..)..no..there’s no selection for malay language as they are too fucking STUPID..press 0 to go back to the main menu if you’re too slow to catch what I’ve just said..”

“wow”..i thought….

Out of curiosity, I press 0..”I knew it…u gotta be a malay…I’m sorry..we dun speak ur language but if u’re smart enuff to understand English..press # to proceed…and if ure not a malay..press * “

This is some good shit…again..out of curiosity..”press #”

“tuut tuut….nombor yang anda dial…teleh ditamatkan perkhimatannya…harap maklum..”..(there was a silent pause again before I heard some “giggles” and “whispers”…)

“giggles = heheheh….keke…*cough cough..*..he he he…

”whispers” = I though I heard someone whispered..”shhh…shh…dun laugh so loud..else they know that someone is here fucking em’ up..”..

Shortly after the “whispers”… “Press * if you’re still on the line….HAHAHAHA”

It’s proven that those behind the calls are racist…I likeee….*high Five*..

Friday: Was on leave. 10.10 in the morning. I follow the instruction given by the automated operator and finally reach their technical operator.

“Hello good morning .. my name is Amin. Welcome to streamyx technical careline. How can I assist you this morning?”

“yea baby…can u lick my balls..ermmm..they so sweaty and huge..emmmm”

“I’m sorry sir?..”

”wanna touch your tongue to mine?”..

“….”

“sigh…anyway…My name is Manson…my report number…bla bla bla …I made this report like 2 months ago and still my line is not up yet..care to explain why?..what the hell is wrong with u ppl??..- a soft whisper..”wanna taste my asshole?”

“OK sir please hold while…”

”hold??....HOLD??...i’ve been holding onto my balls for 2 fucking months without this fucking line…do u know what are they calling me out there??...have you seen the mails they sent to me??!!”

“I’m sorry sir but..”

”YOU HAVE NO IDEA how it feels like …NOOO…NOOOOOOO….”

”ok sir…u have to calm down..”

”I AM CALM…they’ve been calling me nameesss….NAMMEESSSS…..CAVEMAN…BERRIES…CHERRY PICKER…I HAD ENUFFF…..GIMME ME MY FUCKING LINE…”

anyway…after the above “hoo haa”..My line was up and running the next day…and now..

I’M BACK!!!...HAHAHAHA….ahem..

OK now…I know there’s lots of catching up to do at my side on the blog..and there’s lots of update to be posted too…

Let’s talk about CNY (Chinese New Year..Gong Xi Fatt Chai…Tahun Baru Cina..got it?)…yea…refer to the Beijing Girl’s blog..we had a small little gathering at my *crib on the first day of CNY…and please welcome the new member of the family..Ms Cherrie Berry Strawberry Raspberry Wong…ermm…I mean… Cherrie Wong..sorry baby..

*crib = pigeon hole.

not those as seen on MTV k??..

Anyway..we had the usual…Red wine…white wine..snacks snacks and more snacks and some pics..(refer to the Beijing Girl’s blog). I swear..it was the CNY heat + wine that made up those poses.

The equation:

1st day of CNY + red wine (white wine)2 + Snacks * THE CNY HEAT / boredom = some-really-nasty-poses.

Anyway..it was all good. Its more like a custom to us. Dun you think?..or maybe we can make it as one. Every CNY, we will crash at somebody’s house and repeat the above equation again. It’s good to see the Beijing Girl again after her months of prostitution in Beijing. She’s number 4 now in Beijing!...*high Five*… As for Je…same ol same ol…I can see her whenever I wan … affair partner mar…

As for me…same ol same ol (still the hunk…only with some extra layer of fats on the tummy but it’s all good…)

After Je, it was my turn to invade the Phuket island. It was my CNY holiday. 3rd day of CNY, took off to phuket. Overall it was a great trip. Nice beaches with ugly bitches.

Was there for 4 days 3 nights. Just nice…SAWADEEKAP!

The field report as follows:

Gettin ready in the airport..

Where's the damm plane?

1St Day in Phuket:

As we walk out from the airport, we saw this lady (maybe a man…can’t tell yet) holding up this huge ass sign which says “Evon Cheok”. That’s it…that’s us…and still couldn’t tell the difference whether the “lady” was a “HE”. OK..to make things simple..lets call her a IT. OK OK…let’s address IT as she.

And she was our tour guide.

Alright..off we go. Load our stuff to the tour van. We have to separate our group into 2 vans – there’s 15 of us. So the first stop…of course..FOOD as we are all hungry..and by the way…She was a HE and now He’s a She with still a little of He in She. Her name is May. Whatever…

The food … seriously..i dunno what the heck I was eating but for sure its beehoon lar..that she-male tour guide order for us. The cooking was slow and the heat in the so-call restaurant was unbearable. We help ourselves to the fridge and whack few bottles of their local beer…..aaaaaaAaAAAaaahhhHhHHh….refreshing…but the food was still bad. Again, we know we could not rely on that he-bitch, so we took the initiative to shut her mouth and order ourselves…TOM YAM …hahaha…and man..it was good..most of you guys know me that I do not take spicy food (please note that by not consuming spicy food does not makes me a sissy, pansy, wussy, pussy or anything equivalent to a faggot, softy, etc…) but this TOM YAM has the SIAM in it…it was good.

Anyway..food’s over…settled the bill..off we go to another place where they plan to slit our throat and let us bleed to death. May – the she-male tour guide brought us to this huge-ass jewelry store where they sell diamonds, diamonds, and diamonds. Us being us, did not bother about those diamonds, instead, we wander around the place. Anyway, May lead us to the retail hall where they have counters – similar to those we have in Poh Kong, Tiffany, D & P. The cool thing is that behind each counter has an aquarium – so big..like bigger than big big..and me and my gang was like….

”wooooo…check out those fish!!!...”..huh??..what diamond?..where??...ohh look…that’s the biggest eel I’ve ever seen in my life!!..”

TOTALLY did not give a fuck to those diamonds…we can’t afford it anyway..

Off we go again to another place where they sell loads of nuts…all types of nuts…ground nut, almond nut…nut nut…nutheads…nut balls…etc…supposed another tourist attraction spot again?..anyway..they offered free drinks and this is the only thing that motivates us to go in to have a look. Nothing much…just a bunch of nuts…

Off we go again to … the hotel…GOD..FINALLY!

The hotel ain’t some 5-star stuff but nice and clean enuff to sleep…that’s what the rooms are for anyway when ure on a vacation…to sleep.

Check in. check out our rooms…leave our bags..HIT THE STREET!!..

Only 4 of us hit the street actually. The rest we in their respective room either resting, fucking their chiqs or bathing. Couldn’t care less..the 4 of us..

First stop..7-11. Man…I’m telling ya…Phuket is manifested with 7-11s. Grab this huge ass Heineken from the fridge for only 550 baht. And that’s like 5.50 ringgit??...

*high Five*..

Foo Kor: mahai…guess how much this shit is??..
Manson: how much lar??..
Foo Kor: 550 baht!
Manson: shit..that’s like…
Billy: 5.50 ringgit…
Manson & Billy: *high Five*
Damien: shit…I’m gonna be so drunk…
Foo Kor: …this way people…to the massage parlour!!..
Manson & Damien & Billy: SAWADEEKAP!!..

OK..dun get any wrong ideas here. Its purely genuine massage parlour by some “aunties”. Result = bone breaking satisfaction.

Dinner was the usual = thai food. Again, the tom yam was superb
After dinner, we wonder around the street of “Patong Beach”. Niiicceeeeee….full with pubs and pretty “she-males”…I mean..pretty ugly…

We came across this pub which has some thai chiqs dancing erotically on the table..wow..dress in nurse uniform, student uniform…mmmm.mmm…makes me wanna play “doctor doctor”..and so without hesitation, we invade that pub and ordered a round of beers…
There are men on the street promoting all sorts of entertainment..:

Thai 1: a-go-go bar…nice girls..come come see..
Thai 2: tiger show..come come…
Manson: tiger as in like the zoo??..
Thai 2: no no…tiger show from preeti gals..shooting ping pong..open beer bottle..
Manson: ohhh..THAT tiger…thanks.

After some light drinking, we decided to go back to the hotel to rest a little..shower to freshen up before “round 2”. The girls decided to stay back in the hotel as they were too tired to walk. Girls staying back and only guys going out = LUST!!!....

Hahaha…again..we go back to that stretch of HOLY PUBS and came across this particular pub (can’t remember what it’s called) which they have a podium right at the entrance with 4 girl-look-alike chiq dancing..again…erotically…so we stop by…no no…we did not go into the pub instead we just stand in front of the door and watching those so called “girls” doing their thing..One of them flashes her tits at us…and we were like … DAMM…CAN’T SEE LAR....

I took out my K800i – Cybershot with 3.2 megapixel camera phone (show off) and recorded their moves and hoping she will flash her tits again. After waiting for like 2 minutes…still nothing happen. I told my friend to provoke her to show her tits so I can capture it in video mode..and he DID!!...

That bastard went upclose and took off his shirt and start squeezing his own tits and it WORKS!!!...she did it again!!..ahhah..We end up spending like 15 minutes standing there watching. The she-male that flash her tits came down from the podium to take a break and my friend (the one who flashes his tits to them) buy her a flower. She was pleased and agreed to take some picture with us!!.....

*high Five*..!!...

When it was my turn to take picture, out of nowhere, another numb-skull she-male interrupts and insist to have a picture taken with her too….and she flash her tits…

*highFive*…!!..anyway..we tip her for taking photo with us…

It was almost 3am in the morning on our first night in Phuket. The rest of the guys decided to head back to the hotel. That left 4 of us…with nothing much else to do…we took a “tuk tuk” to the one and only 24 hours McDonald’s. After the meal, we thought of going for some massage again but I told them that another round of massage will see us on wheelchair and Fillet o’Fish flying out from our mouth. So we head back to the hotel, help ourselves with 1 of 4 bottles of MOET champagne that we bought in the airport and call it a night!...

Not too much of a “LUST” night out eh??..

2nd Day in Phuket: To be continue….
3rd Day in Phuket: Coming Soon…
4th Day in Phuket - FINALE: Coming Soon…

This is “Not-the-Caveman-anymore-and-I-blog!!!” signing out.

PS: Sorry lar people..i tried to put in more pics but the streamyx connection makes me wanna call "Amin" from TMnet again...so..i'll add it more pics...maybe tomorrow??..

Love of my life

2007-03-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

It was a long time coming... I guess it was inevitable.

I might as well come clean.

I think you guys kinda knew it would happen sooner or later, I mean, to be so close, yet not have anything happen is kinda impossible.

So.. yeah.. I let it happen.

Erm... I hope you guys don't get too disappointed with me.. I mean, I tried to not yield to my desire and feelings.. but I couldn't help it.. I just couldn't. And trust me.. I held out for so long.. So I hope you guys gimme some credit.

Anyhow, here's a picture of the new love in my life...

His name is Mackie. I got the white one..

Shiok.. am gonna rape him now. Oh wait... am raping him now by blogging.. hahaha...

Woo hoo!

Starstruck

2007-03-04T01:18:00.000+08:00

Bumped into this fella one day.. Just had to brag about it.. Hehe..

Gong Hei Fart Choy

2007-02-25T09:40:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year came and went.. it was rather unenventful, with the exception of the first day of CNY. Why? What happened? Well, we went to Mr. Chan's house a.k.a Mr. Caveman to drink and Chor Tai Ti.

The mischief we all got into there remains legendary and here are the pictures.. I don't suggest viewing them before a meal or right after, cuz you might just lose ur appetite.. or worse.. lose ur expensive dinner or lunch.

The day started with drama.. we caught Mr. Chan and Eujin in a very compromising position.. So being the responsible Malaysian citizens that we are, the girls took pics to prove that we could be very good Mat Skodings.

When accused of indecent behaviour, Mr. Chan simply does a 'Sebastion' and denies it all with a flick of the hand, accompanied with a very sultry.."Where got?".

So.. seeing that Mr. Chan is so... erm... 'easy'... the girls took advantage of it all and decided to get down and dirty too.

Mana tau, Eujin also want a piece of the action... and erm.. as u can tell.. one of us was kinda reluctant to participate.

But.. a little hug from Mr. Chan, the King of Sleaze, made it all better.

Then Eujin also want... so nevermind.. put divider.

The Mat Skodings also had to take a picture together mah.. so that the ruling Mat Skoding government up north will know who to reward.

A full family portrait of the Mat Skodings and the guilty ones.. just to make sure.

All in all.. it was a very Happy Chinese New Year and damn fun too.

Note: All the Mat Skoding comments are meant only as a jest, no assholes were penetrated during the phototaking of this blog.

How bout some good old abuse?

2007-01-31T22:09:00.000+08:00

Found this on The Star Online day before yesterday. Hilarious.

Missing In Action

2007-01-19T15:07:00.000+08:00

Well, we kinda take turns to be MIA. First it was Juls then it was Mr. Chan and then it was me and not forgetting Mr. Chan again (Oh did I mention that Mr. Chan is into “fruits” lately? That’s why he’s constantly MIA. Haha!). But, Juls said that I still got hope and so I'm living up to her expectations. It's time to blog again. So what's been happening?

Let’s see... I think I need to back date slightly. After Juls has left for good ol' Beijing, I finally completed my MBA studies. Did I mention that it came out in the papers? Yeah, both The Star and the The Sun. My colleague picked it up and posted it on the notice board for everyone to see. No big deal. I mean graduating is one thing. Making full use of what I've learnt is another. So... life is back to normal again after killing myself for two years with my studies and work.

So… First of all, it took me a long while to get used to not having Juls and Mr. Chan on msn. Awww... No more constant updates and gossips. Man, what a lonely planet. Some people did ask me bout the two of them. Well, to some I said they've eloped and to others I simply say work.

Since they're gone I mean not literally but still... I've decided to find my own entertainment. No no. Not with camel though I do keep in touch with her. So last 2nd half of the year, I went to Singapore twice. Once in July and the other in November. Both times also for shopping. What else? It's nice shopping in S'pore. Everything seems so much cheaper there until I convert them back to RM. But who cares. Most important thing is I enjoyed myself. Tell me which girl doesn't enjoy shopping?

In December, I went to Phuket to spend my New Year there. (Now, this will be the highlight for my blog). It was truly awesome! It's a tropical paradise! You practically wake up and think of what to do for the day. Unlike KL, the time doesn't run by you so quickly and most importantly, I get to eat my favourite lobster and drink beer for only 5 bucks!! Hence, I drink beer every other day, more like every other time! Seriously, I've never had so much beer in my whole life coz I'm not really a beer person. But again, 5 bucks!!

Other than beer, I also get to visit the island that got swept by the tsunami - Phi Phi island. Did some snorkelling, swimming and well sun bathing. But, I'm still as white as snow. At least that's what everyone's been telling me, "Wei, you sure you went to Phuket? Still so fair??" Sigh! What to do.

As usual, shopping is part of my trip. I did not buy lotsa stuff for myself coz not everything is suitable but I did buy lotsa souvenirs to be given away. I saw lotsa interesting stuffs too during my shopping spree such as weapon of mass destruction, Star Wars characters made out of motorcycle chains as well as wires, wood carvings of frogs that when touched with another piece of wood produces the sound of frog and the list goes on. There’s this one thing that will interest Mr. Chan for sure. They sell lotsa SM equipments. You name it and they have it. Plus, it’s not that expensive. Mr. Chan not only can get cheap SM equipments but he can also hook up with some local so-called ‘chicks’… Go figure.

I encounter lotsa first time experiences during my trip. It was my first time on a tuk-tuk. They drive really fast and if you are unlucky, you might just fall out of the car. So remember to hang on tight when you hop on. And, it was also my first time seeing transvestite dancing and parading on the streets. I took some photos with them but unfortunately blogger does not allow me to post so too bad. It was also my first time drinking beer during the day and on the beach. As mentioned earlier, beer is 5 bucks, so drink till you pass out.

First time in my life, I did Thai massage. I went to this spa called Blooming Spa. Everything seems really nice, cool ambience, comfortable and friendly people until they started to use their 'hei kong' on me. I did not enjoy myself due to the pain. For 2 hr and 45 min, I had to endure the torture. It's nothing like the aroma therapy type of massage I enjoy back here in KL where I can doze off until the whole session is over. I was practically hoping that the Thai massage session will be over in no time!! Somebody help me! Nevertheless, I endure till the end! There was this last part where she’s supposed to ‘break’ my back and when she did, I kinda fell out of the bed. When that’s done, the session is finally over. To my surprise, I felt really nice after the massage. Every muscle in my body is loosen.

All in all, it was a good break away from the city life. I hope I can visit there again or perhaps another island – Koh Sa Mui?

Till then, this is Mat Rempit #2 signing off.

White New Year

2007-01-11T21:20:00.000+08:00

So.. in my last post.. I had mentioned that I din have a white christmas per se.. But.. but.. but.. a few days later everything became right as rain.. or rather white as snow.. hahaha.. It snowed over new year's! Anyhow.. as u can tell I was very excited about this.. hahah.. yeah.. Practically got dressed and ran down to play with fresh snow.. damn shiok ok.

Alright.. less words.. more pics.. Here are some pics of me and the snow.. hahaha..

Taking that first step onto virgin snow.. hahaha..

Happily finding out how it feels like to play with snow.

Seeing that I got what I wanted in the end.. I think this year is gonna be a really good one.

Dream of a white christmas came true

2006-12-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

Well... looks like I'm the oni one keeping this thingy alive huh?

Where's everyone? Oh well.. at least Je u have sumthing new to read la now.

This is gonna be a short post though.. Just updates on what happened over Christmas.

Hahaha.. I guess the title is pretty self-explainatory.. yeah.. I had a white Christmas. Not the kind I actually hoped for.. but well.. at least I had snow.. albeit fake snow.. but snow none the less. I went skiing at some mountain ski resort north of Far Far Away. It was an hour's bus ride to the outskirts, all I saw was plain, flat country side.. with no mountain in view at all.. so much so that we in the bus kept asking each other... "Is this place gonna be a ski mountain? Or a ski valley?" Anyhow.. in the end we did spot a mountain.. which kinda came out of no where out of the blue.. haha..

So what did I do on the mountain.. apart from nearly freezing to death.. I also snowboarded.. which was a pain in the ass.. literally.. Fell like 10 thousand times.. Gave up after 1/2 an hour.. It was rather tiring too.

Moved on to sliding down a nice little hill in a tube.. spent an hour doing that.. hahaha that was fun.. and non-impactful. Then, I took a 20-minute cable car ride up to the highest point of the snow mountain and toboggan-ed all the way down.. the cable car was pretty scary cuz it's an open car.. and ur just like.. hanging.. hahaha..and the mountain is pretty erm.. big.. so.. yeah scary. The ride down was fun though... I was pulling on the brakes the whole time.. (yeah u can control ur speed..) so I was a bit slow.. but well.. at least I din get a heart attack..

Then after that I moved on to climbing and sliding down this really steep hill.. hahahah.. that was funny.. cuz kids were like doing that and suddenly a few big monkeys started doing the same.. it was a pretty damn steep hill.. so the slide down was a bit like a roller coaster ride... damn fun.

So that was Christmas day.. woke up the next morning with my whole body aching.. can't even scratch my back without feeling like my arm is gonna drop off. So had to live with the itch on my back the whole freaking day.

Yeaps.. so that sums up Christmas... now let's hope New Year won't be so physically challenging. Hahaha.. or else.. I'll be fucked on the 1st.

So.. guess I won't be updating till next year... So Happy New Year everybody!

Me in my snowboard outfit.. macam terror.. yeah right.

The one Far, Far Away...

2006-11-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

So ar... I very long never blog d lor hor? Why? Because Far, Far Away, where I stay, cannot access Blogspot one lor.. Why? I have no idea.. but sumhow managed to find my way round that little problem.. and now.. I am blogging. I'm sure my housemates will be very, very happy to see that Juls FINALLY blogged!

What the @#$!?.. Did u say that u're Far, Far Away?

Yes.. I am.. very far awaya actually. It's a long story.. the gist of it is that I'm here to work. Yeap.. this 'banana' girl who can't even speak the language properly.. is here Far, Far Away trying to build a career. Unbelievable isn't it? Well, believe it.

SO been here more than a month now.. and how am I doing? Pretty good actually. Before I got here I heard lotsa horror stories about not being able to find bread, potatoes, anything western (e.g. pizza, pasta, steak and such), fresh seafood, Japanese food that will probably kill u, people doin their 'business' publicly (and I dun mean the kind that gives u a profit) and all that la.. But............. so far no major horror.

Anyhow basically, found bread, pasta, damn fucking good Japanese food, fresh seafood (the fish are still swimming in supermarkets and the crabs are still trying to escape), found cheese, even found roti canai for goodness sake! So, it's all good. Damn good. And thats just the food bit. Haven't started talking about shopping yet.. and trust me.. there's a lot to talk about when it comes to shopping.. (so will leave that to next post).

Also found a place to stay.. a very nice place too.. It's an interior designed joint, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, one kitchen and one huge LCD tv (yes Mr. Chan.. I have an LCD tv in my cave). Not bad eh?

The weather is now 3 degrees and tomorrow is gonna be -3. It's kinda like Perth all over again man.. 'cept.. dun have u guys.. (awwww...) I miss the winters in Perth.. walking to McD's in the middle of the night for ice cream or fries, watching late night movies (usually sum kinda porn, thanks to Mr. Chan's brilliant movie selections). Oh well, those were the days. Now, we've all got different lives in different parts of the world, Mr. Chan's in a cave.. somewhere..filling his days with drawing pictures of stickmen hunting buffaloes and elephants on the walls, Mat Rempit #2 is a KL-lite, recent MBA holder who is best friends with a native of Arabia and Mat Rempit #1 is freaking Far, Far Away freezing her nips off while enjoying her 'big screen tv'.. (hahaha.. yeah baby, that's what we're calling it nowadays).

Though we're all far apart, I guess one thing remains the same..

Not a single day goes by that we dun hope with all our hearts that....

SOMEONE WILL JUST BLOG ALREADY!

So.. I did. Mr. Chan did.

That leaves one that didn't... the MBA holder aka Mat Rempit #2. So member, you know what to do la hor...

By the way, last Saturday.. it snowed.. never in 26 years of my life have I ever seen snow. I was soooooooooooooooooooooo excited and I watched the snow fall from my window, 19 storeys above ground. In all the excitement, I could only think of one thing..... that is.. "If only we had snow in Perth.."

Looks like no matter where we go.. memories of Perth will still remain..

Till next time.. 我是 Mat Rempit #1 签字 (I am Mat Rempit #2 signing off)

Captain Caveman is back!

2006-10-31T00:36:00.000+08:00

Yeap...

The long awaited blog from Mr Chan is finally here.
Sorry for the long pause as i was in the stage of hibernation..yeah...hibernating in the "Cave"
But I'm back now! coz the wall in my cave has ran out of space for me to draw and have use the last papyrus to clean my ass..

OK..how do i start?
Maybe i'll start by explaining why the ever consistant blogger - that's me.. did not blog for so long...yea yea...to my dear housemates, this explanation might just be another "excuse" for you and its not something new as i have explain to you dozens of thousands of lightyears time but what the heck...just wanna put it in "black and white"..so here goes..

*ahem*..

i was busy...

...
...
....
....
.....
.....

Really..
...
...
...
....
.....
......

As mentioned in Je and Juls blog, i was going through a career changing path and process. That is why i have got no time to blog and because of this, i was punished.

First, i was branded with the name of "The Fake Juls" by my dear housemates coz i was not blogging - just like Juls before me and Juls on the other hand was branded "The Fake Mr Chan" for putting up a 4 lines of sentences which she calls "a blog" and this has been going for months..the penalty was heavy as i was constantly teased, threathen and receiving information from MNG and Zara on their "Sales" and "Promotion" on their summer/winter/autumn/spring releases of dress, skirts, bla bla bla..- which i do not subscribe for..

And now...i'm known as the "caveman".

After the long and numerous times of explanation, my fellow housemates finally understands my situation and has accepted the reason of me not being able to blog for a short period of time - until i settle down on my new job. And so, i promise them that i will blog as soon as i have settled down.

Finally, i have all the things i need in my new work place - a new computer, a new spacious cubicle (*ahem...manager marrr...*), stationaries, chairs, drawers, phone, bla bla bla..

With all things in place, still, i cannot start work as my machine is not setup yet - emails, bla bla bla..

Finally, it is done and the first thing i wanted to do was to check my personal mail and of course, check out the blog!..

As i click on the IE (Internet Explorer) and type "www.gmail.com"...waited for 5 minutes and nothing was loaded and suddently an error " Page Not Found ". What the fuck is going on here?..Further checks and clarification only to realise that i do not have access to the internet.

WHAT THE FUCK?...NO INTERNET?..TIU LORRRRR....HOW TO SURVIVE?

It's the bank's IT security policy. If i want to have an internet connection, i have to apply and justify why i need one. Besides that, the internet connection is only for 3 hours daily and it will be monitored by some so called "internet police". What a load of crap! Fuck it lar...no internet no internet lar...

And i told the above TRUTH to my housemates...again...they laugh and shouted at me "EXCUSES!!!.."
AND because of this unavailability of internet connection, it means that there's no more BLOG, no more MSN gossips and bonding, no more ESPN, no more PORNS, no more DOWNLOADS, no more EVERYTHING!! - during office hours..

AND because of all the above..i was re-vamp from the old brand of "The Fake Juls" to now.."The Caveman". Reason being that since i'm working in a bank and DO NOT have INTERNET CONENCTION, it's just like living in the stone-age, where i have to leave my messages on the wall in my "Cave" and so..the "caveman" was born. Again, i was teased, humiliated, threaten and harrased by my housemates. They even influence my girlfriend!!!...

This is a SMS message from Clarissa to me:

clair: Me in MyDin now checkin out the place. Do u need anything? Like a chalk to draw on the wall in your cave? Check your supply and let me know if u need more chalks.

GODDAMMMIT!!...
Of coz..i did not bother to reply.

My new job in the bank means..waking up early in the morning, driving to KL, the jams..new colleagues..new lunch partners..new affair with the tea lady..new politicians - who contributes to office politics..the parking fees...the "going-home-late-and-cold-food"..bla bla...u know the rest..

Since i've chosen to work in KL again, i guess its kinda like a "payback" to Je for all the criticism i've given to her when i was working in Shah Alam.

(me = in shah alam, Je=Damansara)

Me: awwwww...you're so lucky Je..me so jealous..
Je: why and of what..
Me: lucky you to have the oppurtunity to stuck in the jam...reach home late at night just in time to see your parents off the lights to sleep..the cold food on the table that awaits you..
Je: ....
Je: ...
Me: awwwwww...
Je: dun rub it in...

OR

*tuut...tuut...*
Je: hello..
Me: eh..where you at? driving?
Je: at office lar..
Me: awwwwwww.....you're so lucky..can stuck in the..
Je: dun rub it in..WHAT YOU WANT..

BUT NOW??...i got calls from Je and..

(me=KL, Je=Damansara)

Je: eh..still in opis (office)?
Me: i know where you're going Je..dun start with me..
Je: ....
Je: ....
Me: so..waasss...
Je: awwwwwwww......the jams...the cold dinner...i envy you lar..
Me: .............sssuuuppp...
Me: .....
Me: ...
Je: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...COLD FOOD LOVIN FREAK!
Je: * click... tuut..tuut...tuut..tuut..*
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: GODDAMMMITT..!!!

you see, i use to work so near that it takes me only 10 mins of driving to get to my office..

My working hours.
8.30 am : office hour starts
5.30 pm: pack it up..chow!

My routine:
8.00: wake up
8.15: starting the engine of my car
8.25: breakfast
8.40: in the office - yea..10 mins late but my boss don't really care..
9.00: still gossip-ing in the office - news being covered are as follows:

a) if there's football on the day before, then you will see "Ferguson", "Arsene", "Benitez", "Rijkaard" trashing out on "mourhino" and each other. Debates over the transfer market, player's performance and future matches predictions.

b) who got married and who got laid

c) who got a new watch in the office and who's gonna buy a greater watch the next day

d) bla bla bla..

10.30: download emails and chat on MSN for more gossips with fellow Je and Juls
10.31-12.00: replying emails and more gossips - Bitch about Juls with Je...(oopss...juls...you did not read this..you did not read thisssssss...you're a camel..you're a camellllllllll...........)

12.00-1.00: lunch
1.00-3.00: check personal emails
3.00-4.00: check on soccer news on soccernet.com, livescore.com
4.00-4.30: check on the latest gadgets
4.30-5.30: check on / update blogs.
5.30: Home..warm food..still have time to walk the dog..

(All the above = HEAVEN.)

But now in this new job...

5.50 am: alarm rings
6.15 am: wake up - officially
6.35 am: off to work
7.15 am: reach office
7.20-8.15 am: breakfast and newspaper
8.45 am: start work
8.45-12.30 pm: work work and work
12.30 - 1.30 pm: lunch
1.30 - 5.45: work work and work - of coz, in between, there's SMS-es from friends like Je, who sent me - hey caveman, there's an art exhibition in KLCC. you might wanna check it out and book your space there. Let me know. I can arrange. U COLD FOOD LOVIN FREAKO!

5.45 - 6.30 pm: pretend to work - actually just wasting time and waiting for the jams to ease.
7.00 pm: leave ofice
8.00 pm reach home and this is consider early!..

(All the above on the new job = sigh..)

sigh..
what goes around comes around..its true..!!

Now that Juls have also left us to Beijing to expand her "Mamasan" business and me not being able to be online on MSN, Je is left all alone with no one to chat with on MSN besides CAMEL but Je said that she rather talk to the keyboard than to chat with that CAMEL.!..hahaha...

Sigh, i wonder how Juls is doing now in Beijing?. Our yam cha session is not the same anymore with you Juls...
Awwwwwww......but dun worry
We'll get used to your absent in a few more yam cha sessions..

So Juls, how's life in Beijing eh?
Have you mastered the skill of spitting and squating?

please update us on your "happenings" - let it be sexual or work on the blog ok?

Till next blog..

This is caveman chan signing out - "we miss you ah ju ju.."

B . O . R . E . D .

2006-10-18T17:35:00.000+08:00

Well, Juls has finally arrived safely in Beijing. Enjoying every bit of her life at this current moment - shopping, eating, getting to know places, learning the language and lifestlye. Good and new happenings are always welcomed. She managed to find her favourite food of all time, bread at this Singaporean bread store called, Bread Talk. Yum yum. The smell of fresh bread is actually filling my nostrils as I type this and best of all... they actually serve real BACON & HAM sandwiches and bread. That's bout the only babi I enjoy eating. Speaking of food... I'm super duper hungry now. Dang!

Mr. Chan a.k.a. the caveman on the other hand is enjoying his stone age life. He's gotten imuned to the fact that Internet connection or rather msn-ing at work is a BIG no no. If he does, he's putting himself in danger and the Internet police might just put him away for good. Poor guy. But.. I guess this is part of life. You gain some, you lose some. Mr. Chan is definitely gaining more experience from his current job but at the same time, he has to compromise his msn, sleep as well as warm food.

Recently there was an opening for art exhibition at KLCC. Told Mr. Chan to book a space. Unfortunately, he's too stoned-age to even bother bout the ever growing world of technology, where drawings can be framed up and displayed for all to see. He rather spent the afternoon drawing and leaving messages on the walls of his little cave for amusement. Not sure if anyone else actually goes there to see those drawings and messages.

As for me, I'm bored to death. First week of Juls depature has caused too much suffering. Aww... Juls you mean so much. The fact that I now have to declare myself to be the bestest friend to camel brings too much anguish and pain. My msn nick for the past one week or so had always been "Joules Out", "Joules @ BJ" and "Caveman loves drawing pictures on the walls"... These sorta nicks can only be understood by a few of us but it made camel initiated a conversation with me. Afraid that I might step on her toes again like the last time, although not literally (but would be nice :p), I chose to ignore her querries as no one is online now to come to my rescue if I offended her. Plus, I was not in the mood to explain some of these changes to her and I cannot possibly inform her that she can read about these changes here. So a week of silence for me.

Other than seeking attention from camel, I practically have to amuse myself by talking to myself (NOT), play computer games (YES) and chatting with some people who are too busy to even bother bout me. I surely do not gain anything from these changes. Work has not been too busy lately which makes matter worse coz I do not have anyone to kacau. :(

I'm looking forward to the day where all three housemates, I mean ex-housemates and now Mat Rempits could actually sit down again to chat away bout all the good times and silly moment of our lives.. Wah!! Drama habis!!

Till next time...

This is Mat Rempit #2 signing off - Left alone

Untuk Mat-Mat Rempit Sekalian

2006-10-09T16:04:00.000+08:00

Ok la.. so we all neh blog very long d… we know, we know.. dun blame any one of us la.. we all very busy people mah.. Sumore nowadays a lot has changed, u know.

Speaking 'bout change.. let’s get an update on what has actually changed.

Ok..

Mr. Chan, changed job.. (u say .. “Yeah so what? Change job oni mah.. very big change meh?) Well, the big change is not the job.. the big change is the one that came WITH the job. Lemme explain… *ahem* Because Mr. Chan is now in the banking industry, his company does not allow him to come online no more.. sum stupid rule about security, pornography, chatting and internet police la. Anyhow, because he’s not allowed to come online no more, it means he can’t chat no more. So yeah, Mr. Chan now lives in the Stoneage where he draws cows and buffaloes on cave walls for self- amusement during work hours. Sounds so advanced hor?

Thus leading to the next change… Je is lonely. Yes, the poor girl is so lonely, since Mr. Chan is no longer online to amuse her, she also has to amuse herself. And how does she do that? By talking to her bestest friend in the world.. Camel. What would they talk about then? Well, their topics range from the Gobi Desert to the Sahara to the Middle East and back again. Honestly, I don’t know what they talk about la, simply because I also have not been online.. which then leads me to the last and biggest change of all.

I’m going to Beijing. Yes, by the time this post gets discovered, I would already have flown off (wah.. damn drama, like suicide note like that). I am going to start a new life and a new job. It’s all in all scary, exciting, daunting and intriguing. I really have no words to describe how I feel about going.. cuz I really dun know.. Haha.. when Je asked me how I feel, I told her, I feel like I’m going on a holiday. That’s all.. no pressure, no stress, just going on a holiday.. Mr. Chan says that it hasn’t sunk in yet, wait till I wake up one morning 2 weeks from now, oni THEN I’ll realize what I have done, and where I have gone. Haha… well when that happens, you guys will receive tones of sms-es from me la.. telling u that I miss u loads and shit like that.

So, yeah la, this Idiot from the Usual Gang of Idiots is going to be posted in Beijing and soon you’ll hear what this Idiot did in Beijing la. For sure got funny story one, since this Idiot dun know how to ‘jiang hwa yu’.

Oh.. one more big change for the 4 of us (including the aged EJ) we’re now no longer EX-housemates…

Kita s’krang dah jadi Mat Rempit! Which brings me to my last words here in Malaysia…

Yo member! Continue to rempit the good race! Ingat krome motor tu biar beling-beling (bling-bling) yer! Beling sampai aku kat Beijing pun nampak! (Mat) Rock on! Remmm… remm…. Reeeeeeemmmm.. Piiiiiiitt!

Till then, this is Mat Rempit #1 signing off. Peace!

The Fake Juls

2006-09-06T17:54:00.000+08:00

Of late, a lot of things took place. Juls decided to further her career elsewhere. Somewhere far. Not Balakong or Stone Elephant. Some place where airport is the only place to go to get to her destination. Some place where she cna't even speak the languages. No no... she's not going to Timbaktu. A nice place she can blend in easily if she doesn't open her mouth.

Her love life has also taken another route... for the better. No no... she's not getting married. She's just making right some of the wrongs she did or did not do previously. All in all, it turns out pretty well for her.

Anyway, because of all these changes, Juls has been consistent in hanging out with her long forgotten ex-housemates. She would make plans to surprise Mr. Chan on his birthday and she would even invite both Mr. Chan and Je to yum cha on her own birthday to surprise herself. She buys her friends goodies to ensure that they do not ditch her. Well, to a certain extend, she's deprived of a lot of things - friends, mamak, shopping and sex. However, the changes have been really good to her and of course her dearly beloved friends. She even talk very often on msn with her ex-housemates although most of the time there ain't much to talk about. Previously the inconsistent Juls has been changed to a fun, carefree and consistent Juls. All her friends love her even more now.

Just when Je thought everything is finally fine and dandy, Mr. Chan on ther other hand experience some changes too. He also decides to further his career elsewhere. Not as far as Juls but far enough for him. He will no longer get to enjoy warm home-cooked food and getting up early and finishing work late will be a norm pretty soon. Stress will be his new best friend and office politics will be his top priority.

In the process of switching over to the new place, Mr. Chan experience some changes as well. He has to make sure that his current job has a predecesor and he also has to make sure that all his jobs are handed over properly. At least that's what he said to all his friends. How true? You be the judge. As a result of his busy schedule, he has neglected all his friends. The consistent Mr. Chan has been turned into an inconsistent one. How? An example is below:

Je was trying to make conversation with him via the msn. Now that he's too busy to even meet up, Je tries her best to still keep him in the loop. So she msn-ed him.

Je: Yo! Wassup dog!
Manson: (15 mins later) sup sup!
Je: Lama tarak borak.
Manson: (15 mins later) busy ler...
Je: Aicho... busy also must have time to say hello mar
Manson: (Away for half an hour) Sorry lor. Work has been hell for me. I can't even leave the company as scheduled now.

This is the kind of conversation both Je and Mr. Chan had. Juls on the other hand is also faced with similar treatment. She will also try and make conversation with Mr. Chan only to find him replying after 2 hours with just one letter 'k'. Kinda pathetic don't you think? Well, being friends, I mean good friends, actually more than good friends, both Juls and Je try their very best to accomodate.

One day, while Je and Juls having their normal conversation via msn....

Juls: Eh, you think today Mr. Chan will talk more to us?
Je: Not too sure... he's usually feeding the mozzies or too busy to talk to any of us.
Juls: I msn him earlier. Neh reply. Some more we're supposed to be fcuk buddies...
Je: So much for having affair with him. Let me try and see...

Je opened a fresh window and started to make conversation with him...

Je: Wei... ini hari sangat sombong arr??
Mr. Chan: Tarak sombong la... Manyak busy...
Je: You everytime also busy lately.. And sometimes you never reply me...
Mr. Chan: (After half an hour) I was not at my place mar..
Je: Wah.. you go away so long also never tell... You know what you have become? You have turned yourself into Juls!!
Mr. Chan: Eh eh...
Je: You fake Juls. And on the other hand, Juls has become you. Now, she's the fake Mr. Chan. You guys have switch places is it?
Mr. Chan: Eh... don't lebih....
Je: So now you have start wearing skirt so that we all can recognize you and start calling you Juls!! And Juls is now the macho man. She is the fake Mr. Chan and you the fake Juls!!

So, Je related the whole conversation with the real Juls and started a series of debate, teasing and lotsa fun!! Hammett, on the other hand who came to know about the fake Juls thingy teased him about skirts sales at Zara, which obiviously irritated him to the max. Not forgetting some push-up bras and some sexy lingerie. I wonder what his gf would think of him now. So much for being oblivious to his friends.

As for his love life, nothing much have changed. Only that, as of today, he has decided to marry his one and only true love.... (Mind you, this love cost him 9G's).

More story up and coming...

Till then... this is ex-housemate #2 signing off. Take care of yourself and... each other.

Jom kita jam....

2006-07-26T16:30:00.000+08:00

Perth has been wonderful to those who saw its beauty. Only problem with Perth while the housemates were there was jamming studio. Not that they do not have any jamming studio rather the studios there expect the musicians to bring their instruments there to setup and jam. Being the students residing there temporary, bringing our own music instruments were not exactly possible. And because of that, Je and Mr. Chan were not allowed to jam... that was almost unbearable..

After returning from Perth, we thought we can finally go jamming just like good ol' times. But due to our busy schedule and all, it wasn't possible. Somehow, we couldn't find the time to meet up at the appointed time to jam our hearts away.

Until...

Je: Wei, I can't stand it anymore... someone better call for a jamming session!!
Manson: Eh! Not that I dowan mmm kay... I free, you not free... when you free, Nigel not free..
Je: Just have to find a time to meet. No choice. Rusty d la the fingers..
Manson: Ok ok... Let me call Nigel.

*Ring... ring*

Nigel: Ello!!
Manson: Hey... wassup man!! Apa buat?
Nigel: *in a blur voice* Who's this?
Manson: Lansi.. basket! It's me la Manson.
Nigel: Sorry la.. how I know. What can I do for you?
Manson: Jamming la apa lagi? I book for this Saturday night boleh?
Nigel: Eh I not sure yet la but will try and make it..
Manson: When only you can confirm? That Je jari gatal.. wanna go jamming. But we must practice first la. When we get there, terus play only just like good ol' times.
Nigel: Aiyah... no need to practice wan la... Just choose those songs that only requires me to play few chords la like C, Am, F, G.
Manson: Eh, no improvement arr?? How can?? So bila mau practice?
Nigel: I confirm with you tomorrow can? Who else coming?
Manson: Only three of us playing mar. Who else you want us to bring? Hot chicks?
Nigel: How I know. Maybe you bringing along some audience? Anyway, let you know tomorrow.

Je: So so?? Macam mana?
Manson: Should be ok la. No prob.
Je: Please provide me with a list of songs. And please practice.
Manson: Not a problem. We'll sure practice wan. Leave it to me to handle it.

And so Saturday finally came and Nigel has agreed to join in playing the bass....

At the jam studio....

Manson: Lets get it started now...
Je: Play wat arr?
Nigel: Start simple la...
Manson: *Krrrannnggg* Ahheemm... *clears throat* Testing testing.... *Starts singing* Sweet dreams are made of this.... Who am I to disagree... Travel the world in seven seas.......
Je: *dong cha... dong dong cha*
Nigel: *tom tom tom tom

It appeared that everyone was playing their own 'song' at their own pace... And the best part was, the playing continued with few more songs. So you can imagine the loud noise and not the music..

Je: Wei wei stop!! Apa main? Apa nyanyi? Lu olang ala plaktic arr?
Manson: Hehe!
Nigel: Hehe!!
Je: Apasal?
Manson: I got practice on my own lor...
Je: On your own?
Manson: Nigel not free also.. He too busy wanking himself...
Je: Wei... shy man. Got few fellas watching us from outside. Some more can hear our playing and singing skills... Darn shy man!! Play something else la. Something we very familiar. I will survive la!
Manson: Ok ok. *chang chang chang* First I was afraid I was petrified.....
Nigel: *tom tom tom tom*
Je: *dong cha dong dong dong cha*

Je was seen giving thumb's up with her drumsticks to Nigel and Mr. Chan as this song finally kicks off as after so many songs, finally this one song kinda saved the day for all three musicians. Only problem is, time is up and everyone has to leave the jamming studio. What a waste of time and effort. This is the problem if we go unprepare for something like this and end up embarassing ourselves.

Je: Mana sekarang?
Manson: Yum cha la apa lagi? Or you prefer to stay here and continue with the embarassment?
Nigel: Hahaha!
Manson: Eh! It's all your fault ok Nigel. Stop bonking and come for practice ok...
Je: Next jamming session pls pls practice... Or we go elsewhere to jam.. Darn shy ok..
Nigel: I alreayd say few chords mar... You dowan to listen...

Meanwhile, Juls was at home having a tea party. She's not really into jamming. At least that's what we thought. Instead of joining us at the studio. She decided to have her own tea party with a few fellas. Being her friends, we fully understand that she needs time alone to be with herself and her err... friends as we also take time off of each other. Too much of something is bad huh? But not for Juls. She seriously prefers to stay at home playing tea party with her dolls, which she calls friends than to join us at the jam studio with real friends.... Bunch of freaks you must be wondering... but that makes all of us special in a somewhat weird way...

Till next time...

I'm ex-housemate #2 signing off - Take care of yourself... and each other

Horiday!

2006-07-25T21:11:00.000+08:00

Bangcock here I cum!

Watch out for pics folks..

ex- housemate #1 will be back..

Till then Sawaaaadeeee...

Sri Lapisan is BACK!!

2006-07-24T14:36:00.000+08:00

Since my “Sri Lapisan” experience is the talk of the month in our blog (just about every blog Housemate No 1 & 2 post, there’s just a “Sri Lapisan” there..)

So I was thinking how its gonna be if all of us were in this “business” together?

Now, being in this business not as the owner or the director but as the sales person. This is how its gonna be…

Team Leader : Mr Chan (since I’m the only one with the experience here..sad to say..)
My Team Member:
1) Juls
2) Je
3) Nigel
4) EJ
5) Kenny

Location to cover: Subang Jaya, Kelana Jaya, Phileo Damasara, Shah Alam and PJ (basically all of our current working area).Location specification and target audience: Food court, mamak stalls, Chinese food stalls, offices, shot lots, shop houses, passer-by on the street, every Tom Dick and Harry, Ali and Siti, Muthu and Letchumi.

Transport: Nissan Sunny 120Y. Color: white
- Air conditioning = Not as expected. Please wind down the window
- Smoking or non smoking = Smoke
- Ashtray = Anywhere u please

Driver: Mr Chan
Passenger seat: Nigel
Back seat: Juls, Je, EJ, Kenny

What’s inside the car: Us and 6 cartons of Sri Lapisan cake.
- 1 carton = 30 boxes of cakes
- 6 cartons = 180 boxes of cakes

Cake Description:
Layer CakeFlavor = 3 different flavor ( pandan, chocolate, original )
Condition of cake: chill and non chill
Cake originality = said to be from Indonesia
Selling price = Market: 14.90
Selling price = Now: 9.90
Free gifts = pisau plastic.
Anymore free gifts = Buy 10 free 1
Catalogue = Yes… and its FREE.

Now besides the above info, you will have to “prospect” according to the script. The script sounds something like this:

“Hi sir, good morning (and / or afternoon). Don’t worry we are not selling anything. We are agents from (whatever company) and would like to give you this catalogue. YESSS..we are giving it to you!!..FREE. Have a look at it.”

Proceed to another potential “prospect”
Repeat the above.

Return to the previous prospect.

“Hi sir, so as you can see on your FREE catalogue, we are selling these cakes as display here (show them the cake that your holding). We are selling 3 flavors today, pandan, chocolate and the original flavor. Here…touch it…pls…touch it..(insist them to touch the cake)…YES its cold. And for today we are having special offers.. and today’s the last day. We are selling one cake for only RM 9.90. Now if you would buy the cake from Giant or Carrefour or Tesco, it will cost you around RM 14.90 and the good news is..the cake comes with a FREE plastic knife! Wow you can eat the cake right now!!..

So how sir? Only RM 9.90. You can buy for your colleague or family at home… you children would love cakes… Now if you buy all the 3 flavors from me, I will give u another for FREE and best of all…. You will have 4 knifes!!..wow..

so how sir? So how?”

Now the trick here is..keep talking! As fast as you can. Do not let them to have the chance to speak..! Persuasion is the key to success!

But if the customer ignores you totally, take back the catalogue and move on.

Alright! Now that we’re all set…let’s roll out!!

The temperature: 32 degrees – sunny.
As we are walking towards to a potential location..

Juls: wah lan neh…nia sing..damm hot wei…
Kenny: nehmind nehmind…I blow air to you ok??..*fuuuuuuuu…*
Juls: wah lan….ur sliver lar !!...you’re making it worse!!!...now so sticky sticky lar….!!!!

Je: (cannot been seen on sight as she is hiding in some shadow)…
EJ: dude…have you seen Je? Damm it…these cakes are heavy

Nigel: ma hai…my hair koyak lar…spend hours to have this style now became wet look!

In a chinese restaurant.

Je: Hi sir, good ….
Man: no thanks..
Je: ..good morning.. Don’t worry we are not selling..
Man: no thanks..
Je: …anything. We are agents from (whatever company) and would like to give you this catalogue…
Man: …
Je: YESSS..we are giving it to you!!..FREE. Have a look at it…
Man: no thanks…
Je: *sob sob* pls..let me finish talking..
Juls: ma ka hai… now u wanna take or not??...its FREE lar !!..come je…let’s go..

Nigel: Hi ma’am, good morning ….
Lady: mm..moi..mm..moi (duwan in Cantonese)..
Nigel: mm moi meh??..mm moi meh??..ngor tou mei kong!!..
Lady: mm moi..mm moi…
Nigel: mm moi meh…??
Lady: meh..??
Nigel: .. MEH ??..
Lady: meh..??
Nigel: .. MEH ??..
Lady: meh..??
Nigel: .. MEH ??..
Lady: meh..??
Nigel: .. MEH ??..

Meh = “what?” in cantonese..

Juls: Hi sir, good morning. Don’t worry we are not selling anything. We are agents from (whatever company) and would like to give you this catalogue. YESSS..we are giving it to you!!..FREE. Have a look at it…
Man: errr…I ..
Juls: Have a look at it…
Man: no but I’m..
Juls: so as you can see on your FREE catalogue, we are selling these cakes as display here. We are selling 3 flavors today, pandan, chocolate and the original flavor. Here…touch it…pls…touch it..

YES its cold. And for today we are having special offers.. and today’s the last day. We are selling one cake for only RM 9.90.

Man: no you see..i..
Juls: (absolutely giving him no chance to say anything!!) Now if you would buy the cake from Giant or Carrefour or Tesco, it will cost you around RM 14.90 and the good news is..the cake comes with a FREE plastic knife! Wow you can eat the cake right now!!..
Man: RM 9.90??..that’s expensive..
Juls: (absolutely ignoring any remarks the man is making) so how sir? Only RM 9.90. You can buy for your colleague or family at home… you children would love cakes… Now if you buy all the 3 flavors from me, I will give u another for FREE and best of all…. You will have 4 knifes!!..wow..

so how sir? So how?

Man: no..no thanks..i dun like cake..
Juls: no sir…this one special one…only RM 9.90..today last day de..
Man: no..really I’m not interested..
Juls: I talk so much dee now u say duwan…hai mai wan yeh ar??...( hai mai wan yeh ar = “trying to play games with me” in Cantonese)
Man: ….( nervous )
Kenny: Julie jie…meh sii ar?...SING NGAN CHAI (four eye dude)…HAI MAI WAN YEH ARR??..
Man: okok..i buy I buy…
Juls: ok sir but we are having special of the special promotion now.. if you buy 3 cakes..we give u another one for FREE…so..its 4 cakes for the price of 3..
Man: thanks..i’ll …I’ll..just ..just..have one…
Juls: …..
Kenny: why Julie jie??..is this sing ngan chai giving u trouble again??...HAI MAI WAN YEHH ARRRRR??..
Man: I’ll take 3 pls..

EJ: ..*talking to himself..* why so stupid walk around here and there to sell lar..* setting up his own stall in front of gambling outlets like Magnum, TOTO, and Tai Ma Cai..*

EJ: oi oi…mari marii….kek lapis…hanya RM 9.90..FREE PISAU!!..
Man: eh eh..kek ape nie??
EJ: ahh..ahh..mari mari..tengok catalog dulu…haaaa…mari…..aku buat demo sikit..
Man: eh eh…ada demo ..jom tengok..
EJ: ah…tuan tuan puan puan…ini kek lapis..HA!!..bukan biasa punya kek lapis..!!....ini kek LAPISAN!!...HAAAA…bukan lapis..tapi LAPISAN!!..nampak beza nya??
crowd: wooo…..

EJ: harrr…..ada sejuk..ada tak sejuk…ada 3 perisa…pandan..warna hijau..chocolate..warna chocolate…perisa original..warna original..
Man: macam mane mau makan?
EJ: HAAAA….kalau abang nie beli..i tunjuk sama u cara makan..
Man: boleh test dulu ke?
EJ: eh..u beli nombor kat Magnum boleh test test itu nombor dulu ar??..
Man: macam nie berapa satu?
EJ: hanya RM 9.90 satu!...murah…hari nie last day aku buat promosi…HAA…bukan selalu I ada kat sini…

Nigel: ( running towards EJ, pretending to get more stocks from him..) HAAAA..EJ EJ…
EJ: tuan tuan puan puan..tunggu kejap!..yea dude??
Nigel: eh I got one customer over there just tasted one of the cake and now wanna buy 50 boxes from us…how many u got there??..i’m short of 25..
EJ: I got 30 here….
Nigel: ok..pass to me the 25 first…( and off goes Nigel )

Man: wahhh…laku arr…
EJ: *AHHHEEEEMMMM*….YEAH…mari mari…u nampak tak??..harr…sudah angkat 25 ..tinggal saja 5 kotak…
Man: okok..i beli lima kotak…
Man 2: boss…I bagi 100..u bagi I semua tu..
Man 3: 150..!!
Man 4: 155..!!
Man 2: 200..!!
Crowd: wwoooooo…

EJ: 200 sekali….200 dua kali….200…
Man 4: pukimak..250..!!!
Crowd: wooo…..*clap clap clap clap*…
EJ: 250…250…do I hear 300??...do I hear a 300??..

Lady: 450!!! (it was Je)
Crowd: wahhhhhhh…….
Man 3: 500!!..
EJ: SOLD! At 500!!

Well as you’re wondering that everybody is working, where the hell am i? Being the team leader of course, I will be having my tea at some nearby stall.

Now let’s back track a little.. back to the script and do some justification to it :

“Hi sir, good morning (and / or afternoon). Don’t worry we are not selling anything. We are agents from (whatever company) and would like to give you this catalogue. YESSS..we are giving it to you!!..FREE. Have a look at it.”

“Hi sir, so as you can see on your FREE catalogue, we are selling these cakes as display here (show them the cake that your holding). We are selling 3 flavors today, pandan, chocolate and the original flavor. Here…touch it…pls…touch it..(insist them to touch the cake)…YES its cold. And for today we are having special offers.. and today’s the last day. We are selling one cake for only RM 9.90. Now if you would buy the cake from Giant or Carrefour or Tesco, it will cost you around RM 14.90 and the good news is..the cake comes with a FREE plastic knife! Wow you can eat the cake right now!!..

First, we are telling them that we are not selling anything but would like to give out a free catalogue and the next thing we are telling them that we are selling cake. And as for the catalogue, pf coz its free, who the hell would wanna pay for a catalogue?

And for today we are having special offers.. and today’s the last day = that’s what they all said. Come back tomorrow, they are still around, next week too, the following month too.

RM 9.90 for a stupid cake? I did not come across any “Sri Lapisan” cake in Giant, Carrefour or Tesco.

Free knife? Make it big deal out of it as if it’s a good bargain?

If I would to buy a cake for my colleagues and / or family, I’ll go to some proper cake shop. And seriously, I have seen the cake. Its half the size of the bloody box! For 9.90! it’s a con job. A friggin’ scam! And yes…it really comes with a small plastic knife.

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Stone Elephant

2006-07-19T17:47:00.000+08:00

This blog is created by Je and Mr. Chan: Inspired by Batu Gajah (Stone Elephant)

This is a fiction blog. It is NOT based on our true life experience. The reason of it being created is that we need some entertainment to keep our blog going while waiting for Juls to blog.

It all started when I was chatting with Je (Ex-housemate No.2) on MSN.

You know how everyone of us (well, if you dun, too bad..) have a "wish list" of our own. A “wish list” is a list, created by your good self, on the things that you want to have in the near future. Let it be some thing u wanted to buy or some thing that you want to do.

As I was comparing my list with Je’s, there are many items and / or things we wanted to do, both I and Je have in common.

Both of us have this plan in mind that we would like to have our very own jamming studio in our home – not that I am getting a house with Je, more like she would like to have a jamming studio in her own house and I would like to have one for own house.

Having a drum set, guitars, amps, systems, sound proof bla bla.. having friends over for a couple of beers and some jamming would be lovely.

Besides of wanting to have my own jamming studio in my house, I was suggesting to Je that if my house is big enuff, with additional land (something like a corner lot – but I guess it has to be a bungalow), I would build a half court futsol pitch on it !!..

so cool..!!You’ll definitely need a huge house or extra land for this..yea I know…but hey..its just my wishing..again..you’ll never know..

Je: property in balakong is quite reasonable
Me: Balakong??!! Will you come and visit me if my house is in balakong?

Je: hahaha…ahh…ermmm…hmmm….fren fren will come one…once in a year lar…during Chinese New Year

How great is that..!!...once a year..so I’ve concluded that balakong is a sad place..well..at least for me to be at.As we do not meet up with Juls as often as me and Je meet up for tea.. it is as though that Juls lives in Balakong..

Je: balakong?? Juls can go stay in stone elephant la

Stone Elephant (Batu Gajah)… please dun ask me..i dun know this place existed..!! But anyway.. it’s the hometown of Kenny (Jul’s soon to be husband). So people..please have some respect mmm kay??..

So as me and Je was imagining how life’s gonna be in Batu Gajah and what Juls ( the slick city gal ) will be doing if she would to move to Batu Gajah… we naturally talk about the home town like as though it was erm… hmmm… a very interesting place to live in.

(this might sound like an insult to Batu Gajah but sorry lar bro Kenny, we do this merely out of boredom and thought that it is funny… cheers !!.. well..if ya wanna take revenge by insulting my home town…. France… pls go ahead.. :p)

Batu Gajah, a quiet small town, many trees..many camels and cow, some padi field…some rock statue of elephant ( ahhh…so this is why its call Batu (Stone in malay) Gajah (Elephant in malay)).

No tar road, no electricity, no water ( you gotta get it from the public well if there’s any left ) kids running around butt naked … folks playin’ gasing (whatever it is in English – try google “gasing” ) and wau (malay kite) – the only source of entertainment besides getting pregnant.The only transport to travel from one place to another is by Camels. The nearest kedai runcit (convenient store like 7-Eleven – minus the air conditioning, minus the slurpee, minus Big Gulp, minus the electricity, minus the cashier’s uniform) is about 9 KM away..So imagine riding on a Camel for 9 KM to get a pack of ciggy…and riding it back home is another 9 KM.

Here’s scenario 1:
9.00 AM: get the camel ready
10.00 AM: off to get a pack of ciggy
11.00 AM – 1 PM: make a stop at some “pondok” to have lunch pre-packed from home and feed the camel as well.
2 PM: journey continue
4 PM: reach destination only to find that the kedai runcit has moved to another shop which is another 4 KM away..
5 PM: reach the new kedai runcit only to find that the kedai runcit is under “renovation” with a sign “We are renovating to serve you better”
5.15 PM: start journey to go home..
8.30 PM: stop again at the same pondok for dinner..
9.30 PM: the journey to home continue
10.30 PM: reach home.

Conclusion: to and fro to get a pack of ciggy = one whole friggin day and yet, no ciggy.

Scenario 2:
9.00 AM: get the camel ready
10.00 AM: off to get a pack of ciggy and salt
11.00 AM – 1 PM: make a stop at some “pondok” to have lunch pre-packed from home and feed the camel as well.
2 PM: journey continue
4 PM: reach destination. Finally got the pack of ciggy you long for
4.15 PM: since you’re there.. hang for a little while, while enjoying a fag.
5.15 PM: start journey to go home..
8.30 PM: stop again at the same pondok for dinner..
9.30 PM: the journey to home continue
10.30 PM: reach home only to realize that you have forgotten about the salt and the whole family of 40 and wife waiting for that pack of salt to start cooking..
11.00PM: ride camel back to the kedai runcit for salt..
4.00 AM: kedai runcit close but you insist of getting the salt. Kedai runcit man tells you no more stock for garam. Come back tomorrow..
4.15 AM: start journey to go home..Conclusion: reach home the next day afternoon. 1 ½ day gone – still, no salt.

Oh..did I mention that the nearest public telephone booth (the one and only – and it is not guaranteed that its in working condition) is around 17 KM away?

Well since the telephone was far away, they have developed something call “w-mail”.We have e-mails. We have broadbands. But that’s back-dated in Batu Gajah, everything is “wireless” in Batu Gajah. And as for the “w-mail”… the “w” does not stand for “wireless” – it stands for “wall”.

There’s a cave in Batu Gajah where the town folks would leave messages on the wall of the cave to each other. Not in English, not in Chinese, not in Bahasa but in cryptics writing. That way, the other town folks cannot read their messages.

Yes. The Cave of Message (as they call it) is being shared by several towns like Batu Anjing, Batu Harimau, Batu Utan, Batu Jiraf, Batu Kuda Belang and Batu Badak.

Juls is in Batu Gajah, would probably be with 40 kids – that’s the only source of entertainment. Plus, she loves that sort of entertainment anyway. So, it’s not surprising that she has more than 40 kids. As a matter of fact, she might lose track of their names and even how they look like. But, being in that place and the situation, I think the kids are pretty safe to roam around the streets. It’s not like in KL where child kidnapping and rape cases are apparent. At Batu Gajah, you can spread your legs wide and no one would actually jump or hump you except for your husband, well maybe sometimes the neighbors but that’s it.

That’s the entertainment for the ladies. For the guys, besides riding the camel to the kedai runcit and those stupid gasing and those stupid waus, other source of entertainment (again besides humping their own wife or neighbor’s wife) are milking the cows and / or humping the cows, milk the camel (if any) and / or humping the camel. Batu Gajah is all about humping. But what do they do for a living?

Well..Jul’s a housewife and a child producing machine and Kenny, of coz, has his own cows and padis – so basically Kenny’s a business man in Batu Gajah – selling or trading cows with camels – padi with rice – Juls with neighbor’s wife. Yup..they practice the barter system.

You may think that what you just read is plain crap. Think about it… a simple life is not that easy to get nowadays and at the same time it’s quite an experience to be able to live at Stone Elephant a.k.a. Batu Gajah in that kinda condition – no electricity, no entertainment other than making babies and no tar road. And for Juls to live that kinda life really deserves our standing ovation. Perhaps someday both Je and Mr. Chan will go visit her in the forsaken town of Batu Gajah and also to finally meet her new born baby – no. 41 or is it no. 42?

Till then this is Mr. Chan and this is Ex-housemate #2 signing off…. say what??!!

Some days just suck

2006-07-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

Julie says:
u gotta introduce me to a hit man..

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
hahah

Julie says:
I need to murder someone.

Julie says:
seriously.. u know any hit men? Any 'hak seh wui' (secret society/gangster) ppl wanna make a fast buck? Just tell me the price and all of us will tong tong come up with the money..

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
hak seh wui and / or hit men also got

Julie says:
whatever la.. as long as the job gets done.. fast, clean with no strings attached

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
hak seh wui does not guarantee death but hit man does.. which one u wan?

Julie says:
ohh... then hit man lor... I cannot tahan d

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
gimme the name, location, age, height, and picture. Consider it done.

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
112234453443-889 RHB... the RHB account number

Julie says:
Eh.. u neh tell me how much also....

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
RM3000 per bullet on the head.. if u wan legs and hands and a slow death RM500 per bullet..

Julie says:
oh.. like that ONE bullet cukup d... just one bullet...clean and fast

Julie says:
3k u say.. ok I'll send email to ask everybody for money first

Sigh.. when Jules starts talking about killing ppl.. it means it's BAD...

Till I manage to 'erase' my little problem.... Here's EX Housemate #1 a.k.a Juls - tea addict signing off...

SSDD

2006-07-17T12:09:00.000+08:00

So next week finally arrived.... Mr. Chan and Je are both looking forward to meet up with Juls for a drink. Now, you must be wondering why a big fuss? After all, it's only a casual meeting. For some of you, a casual meeting happens everyday with friends and buddies. For others, casual meeting can be a formal meeting in that, 'the friend' has to be informed WAY in advance. And even so, there's no guarantee in meeting up.

Anyway....

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
so juls.... when are we meeting up?

julie says:
err, friday or saturday lor.. let me know which day you prefer... pls inform Mr. Chan

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
eh eh... add him to the conversation la...

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION has been added to the conversation

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
juls said to meet on either friday or saturday... which day you prefer?

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
friday lor... mana mau meet?

julie says:
anywhere lor... can meet at ur 'usual place'...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
ok.. after 10pm can?

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
ok set... pls dun ffk us juls...

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
ada gossip arr? sien la... je ur best fren never tell you stories meh?

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
same ol' stuff lor... SSDD - same shit different day

julie says:
aiyo... we listen until sien d la... you not sien meh mr chan? no need to tell oso i noe wat happen... with the amount of time spent... we can make a film out of this la...

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
hahahahahahaha....... who knows... maybe je got hot new gossips leh... that we dunno...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
sori to disappoint u... but no... dun haf new gossip... so you may now bore yourself to death...

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
aiseh... send you out there on the field and this is the answer you giving... you're fired!! i'll haf to recruit my loyal hammett to do the job la...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
sori sir... i shall pack my bags and go..

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
i just discover something very interesting you can join that will kill your time now that you are fired...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
that is??

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
with this new job.. you no longer work for anyone... you work for urself and the money is plenty.. let me ask you a few questions... would you like to change your car to a BMW in the next year so? would like to show off to your friends that you can earn up to 10k a month? would you like to sit around, lepak with friends and still get paid?

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
errr??

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
if you say yes to all of the above... search no more... all you need to do is to invest a sum of 30k and all your dreams will come true...

julie says:
excuse me arr.. am i still in the conversation or wat??

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
yes juls... you can join too... and together we can con more people into joining and we can be millionaires driving the latest bmw...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
rite!!

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
dun bliv me? check out my new bmw... *tut* i just got it yesterday... would you like to go for a ride?

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
wow... how very interesting... did you steal it from someone? it does look new...

julie says:
err... y suddenly got bmw arr?

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
u c... LB changed my life... since i join, everything is brand new for me.. my car, my clothes, my everything... it's a wonderful feeling.. as a friend... i would encourage you to join me and have everything like me too...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
eh... there's a car sticker that says ABC car rental.. did you rent this car?

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
erm... no... i bought it... *ring ring* excuse me for a while... phone call.. busy man as usual...
yes yes... dammit... i'll return the car to you in an hr's time as promised... i'm meeting a potential client rite now.... my kancil? oh u mean my SLK... yes yes... will come by for it after i return the bmw...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
eh... u rented the car izzit? i overheard your conversation...

julie says:
yah la.. think we stoopid izzit? think we got no brains izzit? fucking 30k ok...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
and if you say this mlm works... then you invest the 30k for me la... sure u get back ur money in no time rite? then you can buy urself an additional merc or bm.... ok mar... no need to ask me to invest as i aint gonna do that...

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
with my success u still wanna doubt arr? i got lotsa testimony to show you that this LB thing is working perfectly for all of us...

julie says:
then fine la... like je said... you invest the 30k for us... then we'll see how good this thing is.. u think no need to work money can fall from the sky arr? dream on... like that we might as well sit at home and sleep?

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
err... i need to go.. need to return the car... i mean need to send the car to the workshop...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
eh? thot you said you just bought the car? send to workshop? and watz this kancil that i heard you saying?

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
hehe.. that's my other car... it's SLK... anyway... gotta run... could you also pay for my drinks? i got no money... i mean i left my wallet at home... thanks. bye!

julie says:
wat??

julie says:
hahahahah!!!

Manson - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
fuck man those LB ah bengs... cant stand them... big time conman...

jeli®: Warning! Mafia on board... says:
maybe they're just jealous of our simple life leh?

And so the stories continue.. Perhaps you may think that we got no life... but let me tell you that working life will not be as fun if we do not have msn to chat and to update each other on the happenings around us.

Friday finally came....

As usual Je will be the first to arrive. Shortly after that... Mr. Chan arrives...

Mr. Chan: Mana itu Julie?
Je: Belum sampai lagi kua... Think she should be here anytime now...
Mr. Chan: Sudah part 10.30 wor... Let me call her to see where she is right now...
Mr. Chan: Wei.. mana you? Me and Je sudah habis minum... pls come and settle the bill now...
Mr. Chan: ......
Mr. Chan: ......
Je: Apasal?
Mr. Chan: No lor... we did not receive your sms (still talking to Juls). You think if we receive we'll call and kacau you anot? I dun care you come and settle the bill.... (puts down the phone)
Je: Let me guess.... Juls cant make it?
Mr. Chan: What's new? So macam mana? Just the two of us again...
Je: You never give her some izzit?
Mr. Chan: Give her? She ain't getting any ok... Coz she din show up...

Again, some things never change... Je and Mr. Chan spent the night alone at the mamak stall waiting for the time when Juls would actually turn up and settle the bill... I mean join them in the casual meeting...

Till next time..

I'm ex-housemate #2 signing off - Take care of yourself... and each other

All in a day's work

2006-07-14T15:19:00.000+08:00

9.00am - Leaves for work
9.30am - Arrive at the office. Have breaky
10.00am - Switch on computer. Phones rings
10.30am - Work starts officially. Phones rings
11.00am - Check email and chat on msn. Phones rings
11.30am - Still chatting on msn. Plans for lunch. Phone rings
12.00pm - Still chatting on msn. Half dead from the morning work.
12.30pm - Lunch time!!

*ring ring*

Je: Yellow?
Caller: hfjhfsdjhirhgfirenk
Je: Yeah yeah...
Caller: kajfkjdfkej
Je: Sure.. let me settle that for you... Bye!

Repeat the above for 10 times. That's how it is like for me before lunch. Well.. I'm also usually busy with other things other than work.....

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
wei wei... apa buat?

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
talak apa.. sien la.. apa lagi.. mana itu julie?

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
wait i add her into the conversation...

Julie has been added to the conversation.

Julie says:
hhmm?

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
apa buat?

Julie says:
listening to lemon tree song... very nice... you want? i share to you guys

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
no thanks... i not lala... plus... the song is soooo old...

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
yah la...so lala arr juls.... that song is as old as my grandfather....

Julie says:
pls la... this song happened to be very famous in high skool ok... tiu!

Julie says:
anybody want's Gary Moore song?

Julie says:
Still Got The Blues

Julie says:
Mr Chan.. mau?

Julie has left the conversation.

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
apasal? terclose again must be... everytime also like that... or she angry we call her lala?

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
you la jahat... everytime also pick on her only... i add her back la...

Julie has been added to the conversation

Julie says:
so you guys want the songs? i'll email to you if you want...

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
err... we more interested in meeting up for a drink la...

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
ya la juls... it's bout time we meet up for a drink la kanasai!! it's been too long... the last time we ask you... you were busy... you're always busy... how bout this friday?

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
should be fine to meet after 10pm... our usual place?

Julie says:
err... where is your usual place arr?? btw, i sent the songs d to you all... dun care...

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
aiseh juls... shows how often you meet up with us...

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
we meet at carlos la... ok juls? or you got other plans than to meet us? u boleh ajak ur other half also...

Julie says:
this friday i not free wor... maybe next week can? u neh tell me earlier... i have to plan mar...
ma ka hai ar...

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
so vulgar wan u... but anyway... today only wednestday mar... got two days to plan

Julie says:
cannot lor... i got something on mar... cannot make it lor...

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
tiu... everytime ask you out... u sure dowan. sure got excuse wan...

Julie says:
wah lan... i really got something on mar...

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
eh... this is not the first time we make plans to meet up ok...

Julie says:
but i really got something on mar... i cannot change the plan...

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
y don't you tell us when you wanna meet and we'll follow your timing... easier that way..

Julie says:
how bout next week then? next week i should be ok kua...

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
time, place and date pls...

Julie says:
err... confirm next week can? coz i remember i got an appointment with some artist... i'll let u guys know boleh?

Man5on - Lietz, Cam-era, AKTION says:
lunch now... talk later...

jeli® (A): Warning! Mafia on board... says:
yeah.. me too!! laters!!!

Julie says:
so early? oh well... chat with you guys later...

For those of you who are still blur. That's msn chat. For more info on what msn is all about, please visit the website at www.msn.com If you do not have an msn... you are so not in... get a life, pal!!

Well... after lunch... pls refer above and rephrase the conversation slightly as we'll still be talking more crap... but of course at times... we'll gossip about some people we know... that part of the story will be up some time in the next blog or so...

Yup, that's all in a days work other than making calls, visiting client's office, sleep in the office, have a little tea party, walk in and out of the toilet 100 times, make fun of colleagues, eat 10 times a day, lepak in the pantry few times a day and chit chat with colleagues....

Next week finally came..... stay tune for more...

i'm ex-housemate #2 signing off - take care of yourself... and each other

Snippets from life after Perth

2006-07-13T11:05:00.000+08:00

Graduated, boarded the plane, came home, bummed.

That was the sequence in which my new life as a Degree holder and aspiring working adult started.

I graduated before #2 and #3 so I was the oni one who came back. They came back 6 months later..(Hor? 6 months right? I dun remember).

Anyhow, as a new graduate, I was very gung-ho in looking for a job, not because I wanted to be gung-ho.. it was more due to my mom's incessant nagging. So I'd scan the papers daily to see if there were any openings for Journalist, PR Exec, Writer, Assitant Editor and shit like that.. sometimes, even Sales and Marketing stuff also I sapu.. all kinds of 'kau see, lap sap' also I apply.

But dunno why I neh kena layer cake selling like Mr. Chan wor.. Mr. Chan ur damn lucky to be able to get layer cake selling experience ok.. Ur the ONI one among three of us to have that kinda experience.. Selling layer cake.. where to find? Hahaha.. ok chill.

Ok so back to my job.. Calls came, interviews carried out.. but still to no avail. Then... suddenly, I got a job offer from a friend of a friend. I went for the interview and freaked out when I saw my future boss. Lemme describe her to you... *ahem*

Job #1 - Account Servicing Exec (Advertising)

Imagine, a 40 plus year old lady. Not married. Single. Her dressing, I'd say.. borders on being butch. She dun do skirts. She does pants only and they have to be black. She has short short hair, dyed blonde. She sports a ring on EACH finger... mind you.. ALL 10 fingers got ring one.. and she has more earings than erm.... I dunno who to compare with.. aiya.. she got a lot of earings la.. so much so that.. I think if I pull one the whole lobe will come OFF. Yeah.. so that was my FIRST boss. Scary eh? Haha.. trust me.. she dun oni look scary.

Honestly, I hated this first job of mine. The pay was low, the hours were long and well.. the environment wasn't condusive for learning. The good thing about this job was that it gave me insights in how advertising worked.. because at that office.. everybody has to one-leg-kick.

Anyhow, least to say.. I din last long. Longer than Mr. Chan's layer cake selling stint.. but still not long enuff. Hahaha.. Moving on......

Job #2 - Copywriter (Advertising)

Now, Job #2 was a good one. Again, I was introduced by a friend, who became my boss. This time, I ended up doing writing. Very different from my last job. This job.. was fun man.. hahah.. we worked hard and we played hard.. for the first year, we practically stayed at the office. It sucked.. once in a while, but over all.. I felt it was worth it. Besides.. it is here that I met the love of my life.. *everybody say awwwwwwww...*

Anyway, I lasted 2 years with this one.. towards the end, the job wasn't fun no more.. so.. it was time to move on.

And now....

Job #3 - Web writer

This one.. is the best so far.. haha.. See for yourself la.. All my cam-whoring pics.

Last year's Christmas party at Flam's..

My best fren in the office.... sorry Mr Chan.
But I share panties wit her now.. dun sad ok?

There are actually more pics... but.. stupid blogger won't lemme upload. Dem kanasai.. Ma hai took me like few days just to figure out how to upload 2 fucking pictures.. TULAN!

Dun care la just post oni.

Till I figure out how to upload more cam-whoring pics.. Here's EX Housemate #1 a.k.a Juls - tea addict signing off...

The Da Vinci Code

2006-07-12T17:34:00.000+08:00

sRobert Langdon...Silas..Opus Dei...Gnostic Gospels...Sophie Neveu..Yup..the da vinci code..

Its a good book. Before this..I've heard and read tons of review about it and of all..it has something gotta do with Christ...i love stuffs that relates to christianity and/or other religions - i find these stories very interesting and to learn the history of other religion is always good...

My dad often tells me stuff about christianity - My dad attended some christian school when he was young so that's why he know his stories...but dun get me wrong...i'm not a christian, ain't an anti-christ too..not against any religion at all...just wanna get this clear cuz talking about religious is kinda sensitive and are often misunderstood....ain't here to talk about religion anyway..

Obviously, my interest has made me read The Da Vinci Code..the thing is...i dun read...well...besides Marvel comics, MAD mags, football mags, Playboy, Games review, Penthouse, newspaper, HUSTLER, ... if u call this reading then yea...i read...

In my whole friggin life...i've only read 3 books before..
1. Nirvana - biography
2. Marilyn Manson - Long Hard Road Out of Hell - biography
3. Da Vinci Code - fiction? Non Fiction?

After reading and hearing so much about the book (even before the movie is out)..so i've decided to make a trip to the nearest MPH and look for it...walk around for a few mins.. - reading the free mags -

Talk about reading free mags - i was surprised to see the amount of ppl reading free mags there.."ppl mountian ppl sea" as the chinese saying.. - basically i have to push and squueezze myself through the crowd to get a copy of a football mag ...sigh...Malaysians....you CHEAP BASTARDSSSS...!!!..guess i was "cheap" too...hey...don't blame me...if ya can't beat em'...JOIN em'..

Anyway..got through the crowd of cheap motherfuckers..finally got the mag i wan..and started browsing very quickly...hey...lots of Arsenal news..(i'm a Gunner that hates Stamford Bridge...)..i think i'll buy it...for the first time...

After paying for the mag then only i realise my main objective to MPH...not to read free mag and kill time but to get a copy of that Da Vinci Code..so walk around summore and i can't find anything...decided to wait for awhile and was scanning the scene for the hottest promoter so that i can approach and ask her stuff...and this has proven..there's no such thing in MPH...ya want hot "promoter" chiq? go to some boutique and the chances are not guranteed...

Anyway...decided to ask the information counter..
Me: hey there..do you have Da Vinci Code?
Lady: ...* look at me one kind like i've just rape her cat or some shit..*...ape tu?? ..* she question with a harsh voice..
Me: *tolerating her bitchy attitude..*..Do you have this book called Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown?
Lady: ..ape tu??..dan brown book? ape?..vincci??
Me: *realise that she do not understand english..and i'm gettin really pissed from her fucking attitude*...SINI ADA TAK ITU BUKU NAMA "DA VINCI CODE" ? PEKAK KE TAK FAHAM ENGLISH?..
Lady: ...cakap lar awal awal..marah pulak...
Me: attitude u ini macam siapa tak marah...
Lady: buku tu ada...tapi mahal...
Me: ...who is the person in charge here..* person in charge came and happen to be a chinese women*

Person in Charge (PIC): yes? sir?...is anything wrong?..what can i do for you?..
Me: look..i'm trying to look for Da Vinci Code and this bitch here..(yup..i said bitch)..ain't helping and from the last comment that came out from her mouth was "buku tu ada..tapi mahal"..do i look like a fucking prick who comes in here and read free book??..(obviously i am..but i was fuming..so..fuck it..)..and worse of all..she dun seems to understand english and she has a big fucking problem with her attitude..i have not curse so much in my entire life before and she just made my day...( yea right...i curse every seconds..)

sidetrack a little:..i was wearing a very sad t-shirt..sad means that it is so terrible that the collar was so loose that u can actually see my nipple..a short pants...have not shower yet..have not shave...and a thong..(sandals)..

PIC: i'm so sorry sir..i apologize for that..the book that you're looking for is just right over there..you won't miss it..* pointing to the racks of book which i've just pass and the Da Vinci Code was at display on a special promotional table..*
Me: *oh fuck...how blind can i be...shit..*..ohh..thanks...u've been very helpful..and pls..train ur staff properly...it makes our country looks bad..(already it is bad enuff..)
PIC: of coz...

Finally..i've found what i'm looking for...mission complete...but..the book is huge..it is the hard cover version with some pics in it..and its heavy...and its friggin THICK..hey..i dun read books so..it is consider thick to me..so..quickly i flipped thru the pages..look at some pics...and i was thinking to myself...goddammit..there's so much words here...how am i gonna finish this.??..anyway...i wonder how much izzit..and i was expecting like 49.90 or 59.90 or 69.90...and as i turn the book over...bloody hell...(can't remember the exact price..)..wow...its expensive to read these days...

As i was holding the book looking left right up down centre...there's this man..happen to be on the same row as me..was staring at me and i swear to god that his eyes was saying .."you cheap bastard"...same to you uncle...

In the end...i did not get a copy of that Da Vinci Code as i have got not enough cash and i did not bring my wallet with me..so..no credit card either...oh well...guess i'll have to wait for my next visit to MPH...

Friends...sister...cousin was braggin about Da Vinci Code..north south east west...and i was like..arrrgghh...the whole world is reading it and i'm still stuck at page 34 on my HUSTLER...damm...i must get the friggin book...ask around my friends to borrow the book and finally, me Fcuk Buddy, Julie -

"i can borrow you if ya want.."..the next think i know i was at Julie's door knocking for the book..and its true what they say about the book.."you just can't let it go..it makes you wanna read and read and read to find out what happen to Robert and Sophie and what the heck is Holy Grail..."

That night...i spent 5 hours reading that book..(wow..a record for me...at least..again..i dun read books..) leaving my sweet heart all by herself...sittin there...waiting for me to turn her on...to touch her...to feel her...( my Playstation 2..)

And as i was sharing some info of the book with another friend of mine...She responded "wow..i didn't know you read.."

me niether..

Now that i've finish reading The Da Vinci Code - watch the movie too, i was wondering how it sounds like if there's a Bahasa version for The Da Vinci Code and the writer ain't gonna be Dan Brown - What if the author was me...

Hmmmm....

till next blog

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Perth Aftermath...Mr Chan first Job..Part 2

2006-06-26T14:25:00.000+08:00

Monday morning..

Dress with my new slack, shirt, pen and tie..off i go to start my new job!!

i do not have my own car yet that time so my mom and dad will have to take me to work..it's not far actually... just a short 15 mins drive. PJ Section 13 some industrial area..

15 mins later..i am there..my first job. still too early so my dad suggest that we have some light breakfast at some near by chinese stall.

Kopi-O ice - do not wanna fall asleep in front of the computer during my first day of training..
curry mee - kuey teow mee BIG, add "see ham" - kerang, add "tau foo pok" and add one fried wanton...
Low mai kai - glutonous rice with chicken.

the above was my breakfast, minus off the unfinish fried keuy teow of my mom's.

Maybe a little too much for a light breakie...

Proudly, i walk towards the building..got on to a lift and up it goes to the floor where my office is at.

"BuuuzzzzzZzzZZzzzz....."
the so called secretary spotted me standing in front of the glass door..she waved her hand at me signalling to wait while she open the door for me..

while i was standing at the door, looking through the glass door, i saw a few familiar faces sitting on the couch in the so called waiting area. These are the ppl from the same interview session as me..particularly this chinese girl coz she was hot...( please refer to Perth Aftermath...Mr Chan first Job..) and again she was giving me this look and smile...and this time...she did not strip me with her eyes and looks..she's just unzipping my pants with her smile...and again..i know..a hunk like me is hard to resist i guess. i thought to myself that these will be my fellow colleagues..

A few more fellas dress in formal clothes - slacks, tie, shirt, shinny shoe, neat hair style but not so good looking..one of those typical ah Bengs face - sorry Nigel, i have no bad intention by mentioning ur breeds - and i was thinking to myself..

"oh shit...this ah beng could be my colleague or maybe my senior..fuck...that's it lar..but No..i will not turn into of of them.."

"titttt...teettt.."

the glass door's electro magnetic force is off and i push the door forward but it still doesn't open...what's wrong??...all my fellow colleagues was looking at me puzzled of why i cannot open the door..

give if a few more hard push...still nothing happen..so i hand-signalled the secretary telling her that the fucking door is broken. The other colleagues was still looking puzzled so i kinda tell them through my face expression that the fucking door is broken...

the secretary was giving me some weird hand signal again..i could not figure out what the hell she's trying to say...can't she just walk over and just open the fucking door for me?...

"what?...u wanna give me a handjob?...No?...it looks like it tho'.."
"huh?...u want it from behind?.."
"ohhh....u wanna gimme a blowjob..NO?"

those were my guesses from her little hand-signal games..

as i try to push the door again..looking down at the handle of the glass door...there was a lable just next to the handle...there's 4 alphabets on it in vertical order..

P
U
L
L

....
....
....

Proceed to the secretary's table and fill in a form, just a brief one - name, ic no, tel, email, bla bla bla...and she told me to wait at the couch..and so i did..chose the one nearest to that hot chiq..so that she can gimme the real thing instead of giving it to me with her smile and looks.

It seems like everyone is waiting for their second interview but it turns out to be a job scope briefing..slowly each one of us was called to seperate rooms to be briefed.

"Mr Manson?..this way pls.."

alright!!...my turn...let's get this started!!...i can't wait to get my first car...my first house...my first watch...my gadgets in my "wishlist"..

i was in the same room where my interview was held and the same guy was there too..

"welcome Manson, to our company.."
"Thank you for this opportunity.."
"..i see the potential in you..you will be someone like me one day.."
"i hope so.."
"ok..since today its ur first day, let's take it easy alright?..now i will introduce you to your team leader and he will be training you this week..should you have any doubts or questions...just feel free to tell him or myself ok?...
"sure"
"..ok..now..this is "bla bla" - (forgot his name) your team leader and here are ur colleagues.."

around 8 of them, plus the team leader, plus me..there's 10..wow..a big team eh?
but wait..this team leader is familiar...oh fuck..is that ah beng...shit..now by closer look i swear i saw his forehead writen "CERTIFIED BENG-KIA" - again, sorry Nigel..i meant no harm..

"today, your team leader will bring you to puchong to start ur training ok?"
"sure..and how are we getting there..?"
"do you have a car?"
"no sir"
"ok..don't worry..your transport will be made available."

and so off i got with my team and my leader - let's call him BENG.

all of us then went down to the main street to wait for our so called transportation. We split ourself into 2 groups - 5 each.

along the street i can see the rest of the ppl are doing the same thing..waiting by the road side for their transportation..so does the hot chiq...

"so ah beng ar...are they going to puchong as well" pointing at the other groups..
"nolar..they going cheras.."
"wahh...so many training centre u guys got hor..how many are they ar?"
"..."
"you'll know soon enuff lar.."

minutes later...here comes our ride..

A white color car labled "NISMO" - but too bad...i missed the other half of the lable which spelled "SUNNY 120Y"

yea...a nissan sunny 120y..so much for a nismo..

the car was kinda small and stink..cushions are tearing..the dashboard is falling..there's no radio...and we have to sqeeze 5 of us into the car...

5 of us - excluding the driver ok??..

so imagine this...i was at my best suit with my case of extra pens and paper to note down my training stuff...it was one of my best hair day...i swear brad pitt look like me...ALSO..it was a hot day...sun shinning like there's no tomorrow..i was the first to get into the car - going into the car from left to right and so i was sitting next to the window on the right side...the other slowly join in by sqeezing their way in..

4 of us at the back of the seat while the team leader gets the front seat...my best suit was just declared the smelliest suit...but still..my hair was at its best...thanks to my sister's "paul mitchel hair spray"..so off we go..

i notice that the window was open and so when i was winding it up..

"eh eh..dun clsoe the window...very hot lar.."
"on the air-con lor" i said..
"no air con lar...no gas.." - the driver said..
"just open abit lar...i also wanna smoke" - the guy in the middle said..

i was thinking to myself...what the fuck?..ure sitting in the middle and u wanna smoke now...
i am a smoker myself but pls.. not in the situation where ur boiling in a car with ur best new suits with the temperature of 37 degrees and in a car with no air con..

before i could voice out...the ciggy was burning already and the others happily join along..

ah bengs..it takes one to know another...

what to do?...i'm stuck here..so have to open the window lor...

the ride was slow and it took us around 30 mins to get to the place where the so called training was..some industrial area of puchong and it was damm secluded..the team leader suggest that we have something to eat first and so we stop at the nearest mamak store..

got down from the car..with my smelliest suit which has just turn into a wet suit - sweats..
and my hair..kinda look like johnny depp now - a little messy...but nevermind lar..no chiq around so fuck it..

as i already had my meal..

"teh-ais satu.." was my only order..

now its my turn to light up a ciggy...
not much was spoken among us as they are hungry and busy swallowing their food.

"so what is today's training about"..i asked the team leader who just finish his food.
"ok..u have pen and paper..let me show you the flow.."

i thought to myself..wow..a flow..must be some program flow..some diagrams..and stuff like that..but then to my surprised..he was showing me some business flow...i was really confused and puzzled...somehow it looks like a flow of selling something..

"OK?..you understand"...
of coz not ...." No i dun..can u explain again..?"
"ok..easy...ah sing ar sing..can u bring down the cataloge"?

wait a minute...a catalogue?..ohh i get it..we are some software or hardware company...selling softwares, servers, mainframes, firewall etc...cool...

as ah sing was walking back rom his car..he brought along a stacks of papers - catalogues...

as ah BENG show the catalogue to me...my first swearing of the day...

"tiu nia ma ka chow hai lor....."...mat chat lei keh??.."
what the hell is this?...as i read the title..it says..

"SRI LAPISAN" Layer KEK - 3 perisa, Asli, Pandan dan Chokolat! Harga Pasaran: RM14.90 Sekarang Hanya RM 9.90. Pisau plastic disediakan!"

the more i look at it..the more i swear..those words just keep coming out of no where..
"ma ka haiiiiiii..........."...ham karrrr channnnnn.."

i was speecless...

"what is this?" - i asked BENG..
"ok..here's what u need to do...ok?...when u approach ur customer..tell them the most important point that we are not selling anything... we just wanna show you our catalogue and its free..the catalogue is for you..FREE...but if they are interested..they can order by calling the number provided else we can deliver it them on spot..we have stocks with us now.."

Tiu lor....what stocks??....where are the stocks??..
ma ka hai...the catalogue is showing a fucking layer kek for fucking 9.90 lar ma chow hai..and ure telling me to tell them that we are not selling stuff??...

suddenly..my teh-ais taste bitter..the whole world was crumbling down...i was bend over by some huge dudes and they strip me from the waist down..lubricating my ass...

"ok..then if they dun want to take ur catalogue...just leave it on their table..then u just go off....and come back in a minute..and if they are looking at the catalogue...show them the cake..let them see and feel it...and tell them its cold..and its very nice...they them the difference between the price from us and from outside market."

suddenly i can hear people laughing at the back of me..and i feel something big and hard poking my ass...oh my god...i just got fucked in the ass!!!....HELLPPPP!!..

"but later u follow me lar..see how i do it...then u do ok?...ok..here are the stocks...but u can leave it in the car lar.."

i can feel my ass hole is burning...tears coming out from my eyes...then it stops..a little relief..

"but later u have to walk back to the shops u have visited to show them the "product" lor...actually not much only...one box got 30 boxes of kek."

i was rested from the back but now i was force to suck his huge cock and he would like to cum in my mouth...oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddddd.................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i did not say a single word as i know i was conned into this fucking direct sales shit...worst of all...selling layer kek from indonesia..MA KA CHOW HAI..@!@@

i was pissed..i was angry...but i did not show it yet..

as the so called "training" start...i follow ah BENG from shop to shop..looking and listening to his presentation..and it goes something like this.."

"morning sir...dun worry..we are not selling anything..i just want to show you this catalogue..its FREE...YOU CAN HAVE IT..and if ure interested..u can call us at this number at the bottom. OK?...thanks.."

To the next shop..the same thing..same speech..

As we move on..i was praying that i do not bump into anyone i know..."oh pls god..plssss....pls dun let me get into someone i know..pls god..i promise i'll be nice...i promise i'll return Juls underwear as soon as EJ return mine..pls help me god pls.."

I was walking in the hot sun...from shop to shop...climbing up stairs and all..with my best suits..which has just become my WET suit...with my tie..my new leather shoe..my best hair...i was sweating from the heat...and i can feel the so call hair spray is melting coz the sweats from my head was white color...GOD DAMM IT..!!!!

I WANT TO GO HOME NOW...but i can't..coz i have no transport and i dun know where the hell i am..and i dun see any cabs around..i'm fucking stuck here with these monkeys and crappy cake..

i have no choice but to blend in..

"ok now u have seen how i present right?.." the next one you try..

and so i did..

"layer cake..RM 10.00..no?..ok bye." - and this carry on for the next 10 or so customers..

surprisingly some people will actually take out RM 10 to buy the cake...and when they say "yea..ok...gimme one box.."
i was like.." are you serious? "..
then the guy said.."yea...of coz..why?"..
i just keep my mouth shut and take the money and give him the stupid layer cake..
and i was telling myself.." marvelous...there's actually ppl who wants to buy this kinda cake for RM 10."

then the ah beng said to me."manson..you cannot present like this..you must follow the way i did mar...and why u go tell the fella "are you serious?" when he wanna buy?...if he wanna buy..we should ask him to buy more.."

ma ka hai....

i cannot take this shit anymore...firstly, i was cheated...got fucked right in the ass...i am in my best suit and now a wet suit..i'm sweating like a pig..and my hair is a disaster...i have to carry all these stupid cakes walk around the hot sun looking like a hard labourer who wears the wrong type of clothes to work..

me: "look..i apply for an IT job...not selling cake ok?..your company cheated me and ur boss lied to me...i will not do this anymore ok??..take ur cakes...i'm leaving.."
Beng: oh is that right?..too bad..you have to finish this whole box of cake only you can go..
me: oh really??..fine..i'll finish the cake..watch me...( i walk up to the nearest drain...and i throw all the cakes into the drain..) - yup..that's what i did..and of coz..by doing that..i am prepared to be in a big fight...i dun give a shit that time as my anger and the heat from the weather is taking over me..
Beng: ma hai...what the fuck u doing?.. - started pushing me..and soon 2 more so called colleague join in...
me: what you gonna do you piece of shit?..you wanna go??..bring it on...all three of you..COME AT ONE GO..dun waste time..COME...COME!!...

I was yelling at the top of my lungs...

nothing happen..as i expected..so i just left the place...walk my way out to the nearest main road..waited for fucking 30 mins or so and manage to get a cab. I told the cab driver to get me back to the office...coz i'm gonna screw the boss too..

got back to the office around noon...stomped into the office...saw the boss was smoking...i told him off by yelling at him that he's a fucking liar and will meet his maker soon..

and the fucker told me " you dun want the job??..that's fine...lots of ppl are waiting..good luck in getting an IT job.."

no doubt during that time the market was flooded with IT professionals..but i can live without a job still..

"fuck you...i dun need ur fucking job..its a conned job anyway..i can survive..and i will bring this matter to the press..!"

so i just left..and of coz i will not waste my time in complaning the matter to the press...called my dad to pick me up and told him what happen..

he laugh at me..

Just fucking great..!!

so much for my first job experience..

Till next blog..

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Je's first job

2006-06-14T18:37:00.000+08:00

When I first returned from Perth, I have no intention to start work immediately. I applied for a few jobs while waiting for my graduation. Until I finally had my graduation ceremony that I start really look for a job. My first job was pretty interesting I would say because I get to meet people of different characters. Some came to me because they just want to appear on TV or print ads. Others come to me with the reason to be a star. We accept anyone as long as they have a good personality and character. As explained earlier by Mr. Chan, as long as they have the necessary criteria for the position, we'll take them, try them out to see whether they fit that role.

So, how did I come to know about this position? The usual, flip through newspaper, try to get lucky with any job. In fact, I went for several interviews before I get offered in this casting agency. And the funny thing is, I did not even apply to work as a marketing person there. It just happened. Haha... Not quite. I was recommended this job actually by #3. Earlier on she went for an interview at this company in Taman Tun that got her her very first job. She then recommended me to the big boss of the group of companies. So I went and met up with him. Talk a bit. Laugh a bit. The usual stuff. Since he has met #3 and know that we both graduated from Curtin, there's really not much of an introduction to make.

Before long, I was offered this job in another company dealing with talents whilst #3 worked for a production house. In other words, both me and #3 were colleagues after we graduated even though we work under different companies. Thanks to #3 who kept us close. We'll meet up quite often though we do not share the same office. She worked at Taman Tun and my office is situated in Phileo Damansara 1. I usually go over to Taman Tun for meetings and we'll proceed to lunch, shopping and other stuffs. That was the kinda life after Perth. Sometimes we meet up after work to catch up some more together with Mr. Chan. I'll leave #3 story to Mr. Chan if he would like to talk bout her in another blog.

Getting up early for me wasn't entirely a problem because I only need to get up at 8am, change, have breaky and leave at 9am. Work starts only at 10am. So it wasn't that hard to adjust. Only thing I miss was the time spent lepaking in shopping malls, catching good movies on a weekday afternoon, yum cha at anytime of the day and napping. I guess there come a time where everyone needs to grow up and a new chapter is written.

We tried meeting up with Juls. But with her busy schedule as a copywriter in Rapp Collins, that wasn't possible. Because she writes well, she's always in high demand. She'll write and rewrite and rewrite some more till her fingers worn out. Besides, her part time job as an artist, I mean as an object to be drawn by artist takes up even more of her time. Hence, even lesser opportunity to meet up. But thanks to the world of technology, we can keep everyone intact. We can communicate while we work everyday. Gossip bout things even though there are nothing much to gossip about. Create our own stories, blog bout our simple life and update each other bout the happenings in our own life and the lives of the people around us that we know.

Now that we are more stable in our career, meeting up was not really a big deal. Only need to inform earlier. Please refer below on the timing each of us need to meet up:

Mr. Chan: Immediate notice
Je: Almost immediate notice
Juls: 1 month ahead of time

Seeing that some of us need earlier notice to meet up, that helps us to plan ahead of time to ensure that everything will turn out smoothly. Grown ups have so many planning to do. Sigh! Gone are the carefree days. But it really helps us to mature except for Mr. Chan who was a clown, who is still a clown and who will always be our clown.

That's the kinda life we are having now.... Stay tune for more.

This is ex-housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself ... and each other

Perth Aftermath...Mr Chan first Job..

2006-06-13T15:03:00.000+08:00

My first job wasn't as professional as Juls and Je or as i expect it to be..My second job takes me off to the level of professional i'll say..

I can only share Jul's and Je's first job experiences briefly and i will have to let them go in detail on their first job experience here..

The reason why i can only share their experiences so briefly is because that there was some communication break down for a moment after perth. Guess we are all busy with our individual schedule and jobs.

i keep in touch alot with Jelita on MSN and sometimes we meet up for coffee and also because of the "brotherhood" of broken mountains with Je's boyfriend Mr E.J.

To EJ: Dude...i lost of my fav. underwear lar...izzit in ur room aR?..if you find it...pls return it to me ok??..DUN WASH IT...the smell is priceless..!!

I did not really keep in touch with Juls..not even on MSN..only once in a blue moon either me or her will leave a message.

i dunno why..but anyway...Juls in perth and Juls in KL are two different kind of ppl...and of coz...i love Juls the way she is now!!...Keep it up yo!!...Rock On!!..

An as for Je..she has been the same..and she is still our "mom"...only fairer and got prettier...*ahem...* - thanks for coffee Je..but seriously...u go plastic surgery??..coz i remember there's once EJ was very broke. He said that he has used a big sum of money on some surgery..but anyway...i told him no worries...we are the sworn "brotherhood" of the broken mountain..i will take "care" of him.

Do stay tune for "The chronicles of the brotherhood of "break your back mountain" - a new recruit in the brotherhood ring will be introduced - Nigel a.k.a Rupert a.k.a Heartthrob.

I am really glad that we got close again - with Je, and Juls - thanks to MSN. MSN, stupid messages, hot juicy gossips from Je has kept our bonds of housemate together again..and growing .. keep it up!!!..

and as for now..i will share with you my first job experience...most of you know the story..how detail of it i do not know but what the heck..

Let's start off by putting #3 out of the picture for a while..

After Perth, i was bumming around for a short 1 month or so..was not in a hurry to get a job as i wanna take some break time myself...party as hard as i can..coz i know..once i start working...i do not have much luxury of time to party the way i wanna..

Mom: are you gonna get a job?
Me: ..i think so..why?..
Mom: when?
Me: soon i guess...why?..
Mom: do you know what time izit now?
Me: 4 pm?..why?
Mom: and you just got up from bed since yester-night?
Me: since this morning actually "pai seh"..why?..
Mom: look in the mirror and u'll know why..
Me: ....As i stroll stonely to the bathroom..look myself in the mirror..."..damm..i look like crap!.."obviously...i have not gotten enuff sleep...i did not shave in days...did not cut my hair...kinda look like "SLASH" from GNR..nostril hair dangling from my nose..have not trim that in days too...and i smell like a dead carcass..it was not a pretty sight..very very disturbing..

i told myself..well..maybe its time to get a job...

so..clean myself up...got a hair cut..and now when i look into the mirror..i called the cops.."hello?...police....??....i need help!!...there's a handsome man in my house... .... .... oh wait... ... ...that's me.."

Finally i can see some "smiles" on my mom's face after days of her grumpy mood..bought myself a copy of "the star" and after browsing thru the news..(yea right..c'mon..how many of us actually read the news in detailed??...like what the PM do today...this company having a scandal with that company..politics....well if ya do...probably a nerd...to be honest...i just browse thru the paper very quickly and the only news would stop me are those titles or headlines which consist of "rape"..."murder"..."severed"..."ah long"..."killed".."kidnapped" and "sex" and of coz..sports...not the local one..)

was going thru the "classified" pages for job vacant that suits my area of knowledge..my area of knowledge:

1. bullshitting..
2. more bullshitting..
3. extreme bullshitting..

then i came across this small tiny add:

" IT EXECUTIVE - Exp Salary 2000 - 2500. Fresh Grads are encourage to apply. pls call 03-XXXX XXXX or send your resume to bla@bla.com."

Hmm...fresh grads are encourage to apply..hey..that's me..!!...and so i send my resume to the email stated in the ad and do a follow up call the next day to confirm that they have receive my resume.

That's not the only job that i've applied for..there's lots more..but none came back.

a month later..some company call me up for an interview and it was the company that i've called to confirm on my resume. I was happy. Looking forward to the interview and was very nervous at the same time as this is my first interview.."like a virgin...touch for the very first time...like a ...viiirrrrrr........iiirrrrrr..gin..."
...
...
...
The office was in PJ - sec 13 - some industrial park i supposed...the office itself was located inside this so called "business centre" but it sure don't look like one as the place is not occupied..i would say around 80% not occupied. Anyway, it took me around 20 minutes to find the office.

Made a few calls to the office for direction and it got me there. When i was about to go into the office..i can see thru the glass door of the office that there's at least 20 or so other applicant waiting for their interview session..some girls (one of em' was pretty hot..and i swear she peep at me so many times and at some point i can feel that she is stripping me with her eyes...sigh...a hunk like me is hard to resist i guess...*ahem..*..*cough--bullshit!!*..)..mostly indian dudes..( these guys are good in IT..and they are BLACK..dun get me wrong..i'm no racist..but there's one guy..he's so BLACK..blacker than black black..even when a nigga pass him by would say "now that's a black motherfucker right there..."..and i;m not surprised that his shadow got confuse sometimes.."am i following you or you're following me?..what the fuck is going on here..??" ...). I thought to myself.."that's it..how am i gonna compete with these ppl here??...i'm a fresh grad and they look like some experience fucks..." and so i was getting more nervous and my heart's pumping faster.

As this is my first interview...and i have not work in a office before..i was clad with a pair of jeans that i have not wash since the first day i bought it...almost 2 years..a collar T..and a pair of sneakers..where as the rest of the applicant..formal.

Some went into the interview room and came out in a short 15 minutes screaming and shouting saying that they got the job and this has just make my day worse...a few more applicant going in and out of the place with joy and sorrow and finally...my name was called.

"Mr Manson..your intervewer is ready to see you now"

I was nervous..sitting down on a chair with cold sweat dripping from my forehead...in front of me here's an ashtray...and the intervewer was the boss and yet a smoker..kinda young looking fella - around mid 30s judging from his look

"do you smoke?"
"yes sir.."
"have a stick.."
"thanks but no thanks.."

the interview session started out with some casual self introduction. As i mentioned that i just came back from Australia..

"really?...which part of australia" - he sounded pretty excited about it..
"perth sir.."
"which part?.."
"Curtin University..in Bentley.."
"well...whaddaya know?..he said excitedly "..i graduated from the same place back in 19.. (some yester-years...cannot remember)
"wow..great..!"

And the conversation carry on mostly about the things and life in perth and Curtin.

Come to think of it we do really talk about the job description..all i could remember from the conversation was the salary..

"RM 1200 for a start..after 3 - 6 months (probation) and we will revise your pay based on performance..."(you cheap son of a bitch!!!...RM1200??...but i need a job to get more working experience so..what the fuck..RM 1200 it is..)
"so does that means i'm hired?"..
"yup...see you next monday..we'll start off by some "industrial training"

As excited as the rest...i end my day with a big relieve and a big "thank god" and a big smile on my face and i can hear a music playing in my head..

"what the world....is now..is love...sweet love..."

As soon as i got home..i told my mom about the good news and on the same night..SHOPPING!!....shoes...slacks...shirts...belt..can't wait for monday...

to be continue...

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

Perth Aftermath...

2006-06-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

The end of Perth brings the birth of 3 Young Professionals and a tramp.

3 professinals and a tramp? who are the professionals and what's a tramp?

For the defination of tramp, please use google and if you need more clarification on the defination of tramp, please call my walking dictionary 1-800-nigel-he-bitch-man-gina - 30 lines and they're always open.

The 3 professionals are non other than:
1) Mr Chan a.k.a Mr Chan
2) Julie a.k.a Housemate No 1
3) Jelita a.k.a Housemate No 2

pretty obvious who's the tramp huh?

I got this quote somewhere but can't remember where, it goes "Our future is so bright that we have to wear sunglasses.." my oh my...that's so lame..i can still remember the first time i read this quote... the lamest shitty quote i've ever come across and i dun even wanna go through the next one..but here's something from me..

"Our future is so bright that we have to wear sunglasses...AND sun block"
..
......
......
see??...see the differences?..mine is so much cooler huh? after my brilliant modification, the quote is so cool dun cha think? If you disagree with me, ure so not-cool and its pretty obvious that you have got "no taste"...like the chinese say.."mou tey see"
.....
.....
Now lets put all those room raiding, cross-dressing, panty sniffing, the wild sex, the "art" classes, the drug abuse and trafficking, the chor tai dees, the crow, Joe's accent, the used condoms in Jul's room, the dead and dried up sperms in the used condom, birth control pills, the fungus infesting panty in Je's room, the un-used candles, cuffs and whip in my room, the glorious beer and liquor bottle above the fridge, the moldy donuts in the history book but memory remains - good and bad times...mostly good times!!

Among the 4 (me, Juls, Je, #3) of us, Juls is the first one to graduate - Ms Smarty pants - and the first to head back to KL. And since Juls is the first one to leave us in Perth, let's start off with Juls.

I am sure that Juls bum around a little before making any plans to get a job. I dunno much in detail of Juls when she's back in KL coz me and Je were still in Perth.

But anyway, Juls started off her career path in ART. Wow...she's an artist?..art director at such a young age? Nope and nope. Almost like an artist but instead of sketching potraits and stuff...she's being potraited and sketched. She's obsessed with naked potrait of herselfs and often volunteer ... sometimes threaten artist....to skecth a potrait of her...naked, in the studios, in shopping mall art gallery, some artist trying to make a living in pasar malam, etc.

Now this is only some voluntary fetish of Juls and there's no way you can make a living by being potraited of sketched.

Juls first professional job started off in an Ad agency as a copywritter in Phileo Damansara. Now, i have to say that Juls is one hell of a writer. She writes really well - in my opinion at least. You can get some of her works in:

1. How to be a HUSTLER
2. How to fuck a nigga
3. How to "eat" a footlong sausage
4. How to draw
5. How to snort wasabe
6. How to shave your pussy-cat
7. ...and many more...

Anyway, she did not last long in the ad agency - lasted less than 3 months - this is because the company's direction and her writting direction is not on the same path. The company want's Juls to write professional text for adverts like for example "Marlboro". She need to write some professional and eye-catching tagline for "Marlboro" and this is what she came out with...

"Marlboro - Mari Aku Rasa Lubang Buntut Ooo Rasa Oren"

I'll leave it here for Juls to continue her career story...

Now Jelita. Je left Perth before me and so me and #3 was the last one to leave Perth. Again, i do not know whether or not did Je bum around a little before starting the engine to her career but i am sure she did...more or less..who doesn't anyway?

Je started off her professional career as a marketing person in a casting agency. Her job was to recruit talents for events, TV commercial, advertising, rituals, brothels, nightclub, KTV, spa and etc...

Now again, Je is very good at what she do in the casting agency. Je was involved in a few major projects, namely..

1) Events - Bangbus #69, Cumfiesta, How to fuck a nigga - in collaboration with Julie...
2) TV Commercials & Ads - the new "Marlboro" ad - in collaboration with Julie...

Besides TV commercials, ads and events, Je also recruit other talents for her other clients for part-time jobs. They are:

1) Talent for drug smuggling - many of today's successful triads has much to thank to Je for providing such good young and dangerous and talented drug smugglers who successfully smuggled the drugs and pass our local customs and police...
how did they do it? just shove it up ur asshole.

2) Talent for gang fights - again..the triad thank Je for the "warriors" she helped recruit.
3) Talent for porn magz - Je do not have any specific criteria when comes to scouting pornstar...as long as u have big boobs and a decent look, you're on the list..

4) Talent for porn movies - again..big boobs with decent look and with good moans - fake or not...doesn't matter..
5) Talent for "Calender Girl" - yup..big boobs is all it takes.

If you you think that you have a huge dick with pornstar "ever long lasting" stamina and you have a boob as big as Pam's..pls call 1-800-Je-mamasan for an casting appoinment.

Je also did not last long in that casting agency but i'll leave it here for Je to continue her career journey..

And as for me... i am making plan to have a plan to get a job...stay tune for my "First Job experience"..

till then..

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..

So long, farewell…

2006-06-06T13:30:00.000+08:00

Winter’s in, winter’s out,
Summer’s here & without a doubt
For the 4 Stooges the good times are to come to an end,
Kinda like what happens when you’ve run out of money to spend,
(Yes, I know you, know who I’m talking about..)

The semester ends & a new one begins,
Bringing with it a lot of change in the winds,
Alas, the 4 Stooges must pack up and go,
For their degrees have been earned & gotten so,

On an airplane they hop back to Kay Ell,
Lugging lots of luggage, memories, dreams & …..
Oh you get what I mean, what the hell,

They bid goodbye to Perth with a heavy heart,
Bye to Norman Street, St. James & delicious chocolate chip cookies from K-Mart,

They whisper so long to David Thamb & Mrs. Kay,
As well as to the bond money which they weren’t paid,

They say adieu & take care to Oriel’s, Fast Ed’s, Conca’s and all their delicious fare,
Goodbye to seafood chowder, fish & chips & all the wondrous food that went straight to their hips (and Mr. Chan’s tummy),

They said ‘Have fun!’ to the puddle surfing fellow with the green car,
They said “Nice meeting ya!’ to Joe & his art bazaar,

Goodbye to the heater that heats nothing at all,
Goodbye to the crows that go, ‘Caw, caw, caw’,

Goodbye to Minah & her stupid Malay band,
Goodbye to stale donuts that would start going green and bland,

Goodbye to scary screensavers that freak them out in the hall,
Goodbye to Juls broken slippers and playing football,

Most importantly, they kissed their freedom forever goodbye,
To step into the world as good, hard-working individuals like you and I,

And now, when you see them around,
Sitting at the mamak, laughing the place down,

Try asking them, “What do they miss most on earth?”
They’ll say…

Mr. Chan: We miss Perth…

#1 & #2: Yeah… we do Ron, Ron, Ron,
We do Ron, Ron…..

So, thus a chapter in the lives of the Usual Gang of Idiots ends here.
But all is not lost, for now, stories of the Usual Gang continues in Kay Ell..

Here's EX Housemate #1 a.k.a Juls - tea addict signing off...

A trip to the laundrette

2006-05-26T18:53:00.000+08:00

No one really talk about Merv. At least not in depth.... So who is this Merv who's constantly invading our house, the toilet, Juls comp and Juls' room....

We were all kinda close to him... Err... actually he's closer to Juls... Yes... Please call 1-800-I-am-Juls for more information.

Anyway, Merv is one of our uni mates. That's how we met him. He's quite charming (to Juls) and he knows his way around Juls and well the rest of the housemates... We really don't mind his company because he has a car and he's actually quite fun to hang out with and he also has an interesting character.

He loves to surf. No no not the internet... He loves surfing on the waves of Aus. As long as there is water... you see him changing into his wet suit and jump right for it. He also loves to eat. He can eat three packets of Indo-mee with two telur mata kerbau for supper. And you probably imagine that he's bloke. Nope... he's not even close to that. Not at all! If ya wanna know what a bloke is... call 1-800-Mossies-Treatment courtesy of Mr. Chan. He's also a partner in crime with Mr. Chan. They are both racist and they hate a certain group of people..... No wonder we can all hang out together....

Juls really adore this guy. She will do anything for him. From washing his underwear to polishing his cars. Anytime of the day... as long as Merv wants it.. Juls will do as requested..

Merv: Wei, I'm hungry...
Juls: Ok ok... tom yum fried rice coming...
Merv: Cepat arr!!

Merv: Wei... I got no clothes to wear...
Juls: Here it is... fresh from the dryer

Merv: Wei, my socks stink d...
Juls: I'll wash now...

Merv: Wei, I wanna play diablo...
Juls: Ok... there you go. Please use my comp and my headphones...

Merv: Wei... no more ciggy...
Juls: Ok I go buy.... *10 seconds later* I dunno how to drive manual car wor... Nehmind... can walk to the nearby store...

Merv: Wei.. I wanns see you naked...
Juls: Ok... I'll take off my clothes now. You can draw me also

That's the kinda character Merv possess. But, he's an Ok guy overall.

During his stay with us... yes he stayed with us. He only has two sets of clothes. Because we only see him wear either the white t-shirt or the gree t-shirt. And we often wonder why....

So one night... while watching TV....

Je: Wei... sien la this movie...
#3: Yah lor... but what else is there to do?
Juls: Err... I wanna take my clothes to the laundrette... Lately rain non-stop.. Didn't dry properly. Dear, you take me there can?
Merv: Tomorrow cannot meh? So late d.
Mr. Chan: Aiyah... only past 10 o'clock. The night is still young mar...
#3: We can all hop in your car and bring our own laundry for wash too.
Merv: Like that arr... I'll go home and take my clothes for wash too la...
Je: Err... I got no clothes to wash... I dowan to go la... I'll sleep at home...
Mr. Chan: What la... Together la...
Je: Dowan la... You guys go ahead la... I got nothing to do there sure tidur also... Might as well sleep on my comfy bed.

Off the housemates went except Je. They stop by at Merv's place. Picked up a pile of a a laundry from his place and proceed to the laundrette.

Mr. Chan: Eh... the one near our place close d la... Aiseh
Merv: Nevermind... we can go to the one near Carousel.
Juls: Whatever... you are driving
Merv: And you are washing my clothes....
Juls: Tell me something new...
Merv: I'm driving to McD and you are buying food...
Mr. Chan: Tell us something new...
Merv: You guys will have to wait for me to finish washing and drying my clothes...
#3: Err... We kinda expect it... We go in your car mar...
Mr. Chan: Yah la! Big deal!

But little did the housemates know..... Merv's pile of clothes were not just a week long pile....

At the laundrette...

Mr. Chan and #3 took their clothes into the shop and worked the machine...

From outside...

Merv: Could you guys give me a hand?
Mr. Chan: Pussy! Can't even carry that small pile of........... Wah lan!! What is this? You took your curtain for wash also arr?!
Merv: Hehehe... Those are my clothes la.
Mr. Chan: How long you never wash la? Eh... this one looks like Steph's underwear la...
#3: How you know it's Steph's underwear??
Juls: Hmm... I think easily 6 months..
Merv: No la... let me see.... since I came back... Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar...... Eh got la... More than six months... hehehe...
#3: Gosh Merv! And why have you been keeping them for? To provide a place for Juls pets in her luggage bag is it? And how you know it's Steph's underwear, Dear?
Merv: Hehehe... I always stay at your place mar... So I only change the few clothes that I have over at your place...
Mr. Chan: And that's the white and the green t-shirt la... Now we know why you never change into any other clothes....
#3: Why no one answer my question?? Dear! How you know it's Steph underwear..
Mr. Chan: I can smell....
#3: What?
Mr. Chan: I mean... so big and lacy mar... Can't be Merv's right? Plus Steph lives in the same house as Merv... And Steph shares undies with Juls.... and *sniffffffff*
#3: Stop sniffing it! So gross!!
Mr. Chan: I think I can fit also la... So big.... Let me try...
#3: Dear... stop it... you can wear mine if you want....
Mr. Chan: Your one not as nice as Juls also...
#3: What did you say?
Mr. Chan: Nothing... lets go in...

So they started to occupy the washing machine. All ten of them were used for Merv's clothes while the rest waited patiently for the washing machine to stop washing before proceeding to occupying another ten dryers for Merv's clothes. Some of the clothes could not fit will have to wait til the first load finishes. Mr. Chan and #3 long finished their pile of clothes and Juls on the other hand has already folded her sets of clothes.

Mr. Chan: Wei... next time you wanna come to the laundrette... aint coming with you anymore..
Merv: Eh.. I warned you what earlier... I said you guys will have to wait for me to finish washing the clothes....
Mr. Chan: Ka na sai! How we know la dei? Wei coke finish la... Wanna grab some other stuff to eat?
Juls: Err... can... Dear, wanna go buy food?
Merv: Then my clothes how?
#3: We'll come back for it later la...
Merv: No... you and Mr. Chan wait here... me and Juls go grab food...
Mr. Chan: Wei... later kena rape by abors how?
Merv: Call Super-merv to the rescue....

Merv and Juls took off and came back half an hour later... finding Mr. Chan sleeping on the washing machine....

Merv: Food's here...

Mr. Chan jumped right from his position and yelled...

Mr. Chan: Late for class!!!
#3: Eh... sshh.. we'll still at the laundrette ok...
Mr. Chan: What time is it now?
Merv: Only past 2am. Still early mar... Eat first la
Mr. Chan: Ka na sai!

Finally, at 3.30am...

Merv: Finish d...
Mr. Chan: Yay! Can go home d... I miss my bed la...
#3: Je is smart la... choose to stay at home... Some more she got no clothes to wash... If she comes... confirm make noise wan...
Mr. Chan: Yah! Je the wise one.... No wonder we call her mom....

I'm housemate no. 2 signing off - Take care of yourself and... each other

Knock Knock...Who's there??

2006-05-25T13:13:00.000+08:00

"hello...this is Joe.."

Who's Joe? ..Exactly..who's Joe?..

"i found this necklace at the bottom of the ocean after my ex (the old lady) dump it into the ocean...Luv - Joe" (Refer to "Winter's out..Summer's In)...again..Who's Joe??...goddammit...!!..Enuff already...tell me who the fuck is Joe!!

Alright..alright...actually..i dunno much about Joe .. i mean..i was not close to him but he was close to us...well..we know Joe better with "Just another Julie's fling"

....
....
hmm..
....

Anyway..Joe is one of Je's and Juls and #3's church member..i dunno his full name..or did he ever mentioned his full name before??..i dun even know his surname...anyway...not that i'm very close to him to know his surname...he comes around our house once awhile to visit or to pick someone up (hmmm....i wonder who..)..or sometimes he come over for church meeting / activities..

Joe's a chinese but has been in Aust for a very long time now...so i think he's an aussie already...PR or citizen??..i dunno...if ya wanna know..pls dial 1-800-I-am-Julie for more info...

Alright now..here are some brief description of how Joe looks like (in case u wonder)..He's tall..normal looking guy...side parted hair style...wears nothing but Polo T...i've never seen him wear a short pants or a bermuda before...always on his jeans or slacks..with his shirt tucked in to the height of his chest...speaks in heavy aussie accent..(maybe due to the number of years he has been in Aust.)...sometimes i dunno what the hell he's talking about??..

Joe: Manson...anjsfnhinkfj2nhi3jn 83uho difhbv kh382 ihfo8wu??
Me: .......
Me: HAHAHAA..yea yea...that was funny isn't it..man i love it..
Joe: ...???...
Joe: i said..djhvdijhiwclunh 384y28y 8rhfahxcb afgb jshfu828!$^?
Me: yea yea..that's right..yea...hmmmm...yea...
Joe: .......

sometimes he try to talk like us with those "lar" "lor" "ar" "sah" pah" "far" "nah" "kan na sai" but fail..but we know he's just trying to be nice..

He's very quite...He's very soft spoken...speak in a gentle voice..he's very polite (at least i have never heard a single "fuck" out of his mouth)..ok..now..combine a guy who speaks softly with a gentle voice and politely like...damm fucking formal..what do u get??..a weirdo...kinda creepy and freaks u out sometimes..makes u uncomfortable and uncivilize

i have met ppl like this before..they speak politely..bla bla bla..all these formal shit...but once u get to know them...their true colors reveal.."Oi...Kan ni Nae..yam cha never call me..u wan me to rape u izzit??..i'll fuck ure ass so hard that u'll beg me to take a blowjob instead.."...yea...

but for Joe...even if u know him for years...he'll still talk the same...a complete gentlement..don't you think?..Now imagine mixing Joe with Kan Na Sai Carol (Refer to The "Company" and The "Noise" Part II)..what do u get..??..an ear bleeding Joe...

Carol: kan na sai joe i tell u arr..that day ar...i try to leap over this drain hor..then arr...the next thing i know ar...i was in the drain hor...kan na sai...si beh tu lan u know..??
Joe: oh really...my god..that was horrible...are you alright now Carol?
Carol: ..aiyahh..small matter lar...i got so much meat...can tahan one..
Joe: i'm glad to hear that..
Carol: but arr...i tell u arr..that's not the worse part u know...when i try to lift myself up arr...kan na sai...i step onto some dog shit ok??..damm stink..
Joe: hahaha...that's terrible..
Carol: and then arr....(and it goes for 54 min and 42 sec.)
Joe: *ear bleeding...*
Carol: *continue for another 40 mins*
Joe: *looking pale..and not wanting to be rude...keeps nodding his head to every comment from carol..*
Carol: *continue for another 15 mins*
Joe: * fainted and admitted to hospital that night due to excessive blood lost from his ear.*
Carol: * still continuing her drama in the hospital next to Joe*
Joe: .....coma.....
Carol: Joe??...Joe??...eh kan nar sai..u listening or not??...why so rude wann..ppl talk u sleep..!!

i remember the first time i met Joe...the way he introduce himself was so formal..

Joe: hello Manson...my name is Joe..Nice to meet you..
Manson: *..wahh...so formal one ar??...* Hi Joe..nice to meet you too..

U know...for ppl like us...how do we meet and shake hands?...i would say very casual..

Manson: Hey..how are u..i'm Manson
Somebody: hi..i'm bla bla bla..

end of story..

If there's a group of ppl..Joe would be introducing himself and shake hands with each and everyone...unlike the normal stuff of "Hey guys..i'm manson".."hey..i'm bla bla bla.." and same goes with the other by introducing their name and just wave their hands...but for Joe...

"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
"Hello..my name is Joe..nice to meet you.." *shake hand*
.....i think u get the picture.....

ok now so what has Joe gotta do with Julie? and what's with the footnote??..

Now of all of us...Joe seems to be very close to Juls...he talk to Juls alot and most of the time did not take his eyes off Juls..(we know juls..we have been monitoring Joe)..so we thought that Joe likes Juls...we dunno how true it is...we have to ask Joe one day but it really looks like it.....sometimes Joe would call Juls just to have a casual chat or just to check what she's doing and does she need any help on it?

*tuuut..tuuut..*
Juls: yelloowww..
Joe: Hello Julis...this is Joe..how are you today on this lovely evening..(heavy aust accent)
Juls: * what??...* hi joe..yea...i'm fine..wassup...
Joe: the sky is up..ha ha ha..(heavy aust accent)
Juls: .....
Joe: now actually i call just to have a casual chat with you if you don't mind..(heavy aust accent)
Juls: ....
Juls: actually i'm kinda busy right now Joe...i'm plucking my arm pit hair...
Joe: *..sniiiiiifffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.........*
Juls: ??..what's that sound??..
Joe: ..oh nothing..would u like me to help you out with that?....(heavy aust accent)
Juls: ...* faking an operator's voice" the number you have dial is out of reach..pls..
Je: *in the background..* Juls...where is the shaver??..my bulu kaki is as long as Mr Chan's one already man...
Juls: EH WAIT AR..SHUDDUP FIRST...pls try again later or pls leave a message after the tone..BEEEPPP..
Joe: oh...that's funny??....(heavy aust accent)..*recoding his voice msg..* hi Julie..sorry..the reason i call actually is to ask you whether would u like to join me for a dinner at King's Park tomorrow night...i'll call you again...thanks bye..
Juls: OK bah bye..
Joe: ...?????...wow..the automated computer recognise "bye" ??

So Juls freak out and at the same time feeling excited because
1. Juls dun really like Joe because he freaks her out
2. Juls have not been to the hill top restaurant in King's Park before..

so she was running around the house asking us whether should she go or not..and we said well..its just dinner and most importantly..its FREE..hahahhaha..

but Juls was reluctant to go for the dinner and yet was choosing her dress already...

eventually..she went on the date with Joe...

it was a romantic candle light dinner with a violinist playing over and over again to "my heart will go on - by celine dion - One of Juls many favourite - standing beside their table...as usual..being the formal Joe...dress in his best suit..( like one of those Lampe Berger motherfuckers...but Joe ain't a member...at least during that time..)..
they ordered the finest wine and steaks..the food's good..the wine's excellent..some casualconversation...mostly of Joe asking about Jul's stuff and life..like...how's study?..how are you housemates treating u?...who's Merv??..what does he look like...??...what does he like?...did he have a girf friend??..surprisingly...many of those questions are about Merv..well..maybe Joe knows that Merv is very close with Juls so just wanna get more info who he is competing with...

Joe: I have a gift for you Julie..a thank you gift for joining me in this dinner
Juls: really??..nah..i cannot take this Joe..its nothing really..i'm just here for the free food..*munch munch munch...sllluurrppppppsssssss...*
Joe: ...
Joe: pls..i insist..* Joe open the box to show Julie the gift...*
Juls: * stop munching..*..ohhh..its beautiful..but wait a minute..isn't this...
Joe: Yes it is..
Juls: but i tot the old lady drop it in the ocean in the end...
Joe: i went down and got it...
Juls: awwwww..u shouldn't have Joe...
Joe: ....
Juls: but i'll take it anyway....nice eh??..

and so the dinner carry on with more wines and some slow dance...

*tuut tuuut*

Juls: Yellow..*hick..*..
Mr Chan: eh juls ar...hows ure dinner...?
Juls: THE SHIP IS SINKING...HELPP..JOE..HELP ME..
Mr Chan: ......
Mr Chan: are u drunk...?..anyway...the rest of us is going Mc Dong Dong ok?..u got keys right??
Juls: tu tu tuuuuuu...tu tu tuuuu..tuuuuuuuuu..*humming to the titanic theme..*
Mr Chan: ......
Mr Chan: Come to McDs if u got no key...byeee....

Mr Chan: ..*after putting down the phone...turn to Je*..i think they are role playing Jack and Rose..
Je: ......

getting late now and time to go home and so Joe fetch Juls home...while at the porch..still inside the car...

Juls: thanks for dinner Joe..it was wonderful..and its Free..yay...and thanks for the lovely necklace..you shouldn't have..really..
Joe: its nothing Julie..don't worry about it and thank you for coming to dinner with me...i am sorry but can i use ur toilet?
Juls: sure..c'mon in...
Joe: *rush to the toilet and do his thing...*..a sigh of relief...and as Joe walking towards the door to go home...
Juls: Joe..*walks out of her room .. strap herself only with a shower towel..
Joe: ...*gulp...*...yes Julie..?
Juls: I want you to draw a potrait of me wearing this *showing the necklace..*
Joe: *gulp...*
Juls: wearing only this *..fllllaaappppppbbbtt.. - tower drops on the floor..*

*background music - do do doooooo...do do doooo do do doooooooooo..*titanic theme..*

after that..we do not know what happen after the "art" class...and that's the story behind the self portrait of Juls - naked - with a footnote "i found this necklace at the bottom of the ocean after my ex (the old lady) dump it into the ocean...Luv - Joe"...actually...during my room invasion..i miss the part where i actually took the potrait and make a copy of it...i'll post it here once i get my new scanner...

when i examine the potrait again...i found a small little additional note too..

"P.S. I'm lovin it.."

i tought to myself...P.S...a postscript...why??..I'm lovin it.. what does that means...(Note: this has nothing to do with McD's tag line "I'm lovin it" because that wasn't McD's tagline yet..)

until today...i finally know what the postscript means...P.S itself does not stands for "Postscript"...but what other meaning does it hold..?...

inspired by the Da Vinci Code - Thanks Juls for borrowing me the book - alittle bit of info - at the place where the curator got murdered...he wrote down a note beside himself which reads "P.S: Find Robert Langdon" and that P.S actually a initial of the victim's grand-daughter name Sophie...ok..so the letter "S" stands for Sophie...what about "P"..well...Sophie has a nick name when she was young...her grandfather call her princess...and so.."P" means Princess...and now we have "Princess Sophie: Find Robert Langdon"

ok now...so what?..P.S: I'm lovin it means Princess Sophie: I'm lovin it??...it doesn't make sense...of coz it does not make any sense...i said inspired...so the P.S from Joe's note actually stands for "Pussy Shaved: i'm lovin it"

but how do you know it stands for "Pussy Shaved"?

maybe next time i''ll let you know...

ba dab dab ba daaaaaa....i'm lovin it..*Mcd's theme...*

Till next blog..

I'm Mr Chan signing off - ah Ju Ju...you dun understand..Ju Ju..